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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / December 2006Feline Carols 2006
This year has been filled with...some feline badness, I'm afraid. Here we go: Feline Carols from the Pletsch-Blacquiere Clowder for calendar year 2006. That's where my cats take holiday songs and rewrite the lyrics. And let's think festive, kitties. That means no anti-vet propaganda (looks at Kumani and Tyche), no blasphemy (looks at Nocturne) and no requests for Santa to bring you Angelina Jolie (looks at Smokey). Original Song List: Santa Claus is Coming to Town Christmas at Ground Zero I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus Feliz Navidad Joy to the World KITTIES: You better watch out, you better not cry, spend your whole day half asleep in the bye, Santa Claus is coming to town! He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows when little kittens are just bad for badness' sake! TYCHE: He better watch out, cause he's gonna cry, I'm gonna bite Santa right near the eye, if that bastard comes in, my house.... KUMANI and TYCHE get in an argument, KUMANI arguing for presents, TYCHE arguing that all strangers need to get the hell out of her territory, and bitty rasslin' ensues as NOCTURNE steps up to sing. * NOCTURNE: It's Christmas at ground zero There's music in the air The sleigh bells are ringing and the carolers are singing While the air raid sirens blare It's Christmas at ground zero The button has been pressed The radio just let us know That this is not a test Everywhere the atom bombs are dropping It's the end of all humanity No more time for last-minute shopping It's time to face your final destiny... *KUMANI looks vaguely disturbed. TYCHE obeys the song, faces her sister and begins licking Kumani's left ear.* FIL: NOX! I said /change the lyrics/, which means singing Weird Al word-for-word doesn't count. NOX: Does it count if Weird Al was joking and I'm serious? FIL: NO. * TYCHE: WE'LL get her! KUMANI: She pushed me off the pillow, she deserves this. BITTIES: We...saw Nocturne licking Smokey's paws In the kitty kennel late at night Our parents had left town And so they set us down At the Catnap Inn to be cared for till they came round and We...saw Nocturne licking Smokey's paws And his little tux so furry white! Oh what a sight to see so we taped it digitally Nocturne licking Smokey's paws that night!!! FIL quickly steps between NOX and BITTIES to avoid carnage. SMOKEY sits up to sing. * SMOKEY: Feliz Smokeypoke! Feliz Smokeypoke! All day long, up on the couch, I will poke and poke. Feliz Smokeypoke! Feliz Smokeypoke! All day long, up on the couch, I will poke and poke. You want to give me a plate of bacon You want to give me a plate of bacon You want to give me a plate of bacon just set it, on the floor! Feliz Smokeypoke! Feliz Smokeypoke! All day long, up on the couch, I will poke and poke. Feliz Smokeypoke! Feliz Smokeypoke! All day long, up on the couch, I will poke and poke. BITTIES We want to give you a Pokey Smokey, we want to give you a Pokey Smokey, BITTIES fall silent and you can hear Nox sing I want to sell you a Pokey Smokey from the bottom, of my heart! FIL: Okay, this is just embarrassing. This carol sing is over. NOCTURNE: Joy to the world, for I have come. Let earth receive its queen! Let every home Prepare me room And heaven and nature scream... FIL: NOCTURNE!!! --Fil > Here we go: Feline Carols from the Pletsch-Blacquiere Clowder for > calendar year 2006. Love the stage directions. You've got quite a little drama going there! What song does "Christmas at Ground Zero" parody? Angelina Jolie? Sheesh, you'd never know that guy was neutered. :) Thanks for the laugh! Joyce > What song does "Christmas at Ground Zero" parody? To my knowledge, it isn't a direct parody of anything else. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. Basically, though, you could say it parodies every schlocky carol you've ever heard. Go Google the full song, or better yet, download it. Hilarious. --Fil > Angelina Jolie? Sheesh, you'd never know that guy was neutered. :) I'm convinced Smokey doesn't know it himself. As far as he was concerned, he went on a trip, had a long nap, ate a lot of food and came home. He was trying to hump Nox last week. Not a smart move. The vet said he never saw a cat come out of surgery and immediately start eating, and they kept feeding until he was satisfied. Four bowls later... (To be fair, Smokey was still underweight at the time). Also, Smokey really is Nocturne's "kennel girlfriend." A week at the kennel has them meatloafing together and they keep doing it for a couple days after they come home...then Smokey tries to hump her, Nocturne boxes his ears, and it's back to business as usual. --Fil >SMOKEY: > >Feliz Smokeypoke! Feliz Smokeypoke! >All day long, up on the couch, I will poke and poke. >Feliz Smokeypoke! Feliz Smokeypoke! >All day long, up on the couch, I will poke and poke. Splorff koff kaff hack!! They sure are patient, aren't they !? > This year has been filled with...some feline badness, I'm afraid. > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > Feliz Navidad > Joy to the World <snipped some very good ones> This was the best one. We have a diva here, named Sunrise, who would have written it if Nocturne hadn't done it first. > NOCTURNE: > [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > FIL: NOCTURNE!!! I do wonder why you would criticize Nocturne for an attitude that is so comon among kitties. The line "And heaven and nature scream" is a bit odd but it's a good song. Our lot have come up with: To the tune of Blue Christmas We'll have a blue Christmas With Buddy. He's a parrot of green And he's new on the scene. We'll have a blue Christmas With Buddy Decorations to smash And to hear them go crash Just won't fill the bill Like having NO parrot will. We''ll have a blue Christmas With Buddy He's a big Severe parrot And scary He's made our house his aviary All the holiday cheer is wasted this year We'll have a blue Christmas With Buddy We'll have a blue Christmas, That's certain; Unless good ol' Bear stops our hurtin, Go on, take one big bite Of some parrot delight, And we'll all have a jolly Christmas. By Maggie May and Sunrise and Buddy, the hook-nosed parrot had a very nasty beak And if he ever bit you You would even say #$% $%@#. All of us lovely kitties Used to ask our Uncle Bill. To make us some ground-up parrot So then we could eat our fill. Then one foggy friday night Mommy came to say "Buddy with your big old hook, You can come outside your cage to play" Then all the kitties feared him And we hid behind our Bear, And Buddy was really scary As he flew right through the air. People on the 'net so bright Won't you help us in our plight Come to our house right today And take this $#%# bird away. By Missy and Sunrise Will in New Haven  Signature$%%^& - Maggie May And this from Fearless Fosdick, our 15-1/2 year old, nearly toothless, front declawed (don't kill me, he was the last one that was done to, long long ago when I was young and stoopid, ok?), neutered tom, with neurological problems...who still is the best hunter we have and regularly brings us bunny parts... Silent mice Holey mice Because my claws Were in them twice They will live until break of day They will live, because I like to play Little mousies, mine! Liiitttlle mousies mine. And this one courtesy of Smokey (with a chorus by all the rest: Princess, Jezebel, Cinder, Fearless, Emma, Shane and Miss Bitty Kitty Who Is No Longer Bitty) The first miaow The kitties did say Was to waken the owners at break of day! The next miaow As we all know Is to get them to feed us and feed us right now! Miaow, miaow, miaow, miaow We are the kitties so feed us right now. Deborah aiming for Official Crazy Cat Lady status > I do wonder why you would criticize Nocturne for an attitude that is so > comon among kitties. The line "And heaven and nature scream" is a bit > odd but it's a good song. Nocturne has...well, ever heard of a Napoleonic complex? Nox has a Jehovah complex. Lots of cats like to act superior, but so far, I haven't heard of any others that have dropped lamps on the heads of sleeping humans who have displeased them...eaten cactuses in full sight of humans as an act of spite...Nocturne enjoys the "divine wrath" part of Godhood. These other carols are great too! -_Fil > This year has been filled with...some feline badness, I'm afraid. > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > Feliz Navidad > Joy to the World <snip> > NOCTURNE: > [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > --Fil That's great, Fil! Thanks. Best wishes, Polonca and Soncek > This year has been filled with...some feline badness, I'm afraid. > [quoted text clipped - 125 lines] > > --Fil My favorite part of the holiday season is being caroled to by your gang! Hugs, CatNipped > Here we go: Feline Carols from the Pletsch-Blacquiere Clowder for > calendar year 2006. That's where my cats take holiday songs and rewrite > the lyrics. And let's think festive, kitties. That means no anti-vet > propaganda (looks at Kumani and Tyche), no blasphemy (looks at > Nocturne) and no requests for Santa to bring you Angelina Jolie (looks > at Smokey). ROFLOL! I love your carols (and any other song you've come up with!) I especially like the one about Nocturne kissing Smokey...She'll get the bitties for revealing that to the World later I guess! Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furballs Am 09.12.2006 schrieb Enfilade: > Here we go: Feline Carols from the Pletsch-Blacquiere Clowder for > calendar year 2006. Thank you for writing this:-) You brightened my day:-) Purrs to you from Inge and the catgang SignatureCatManiacs World: http://www.gwsystems.com/inge |
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