My crew is writing letters to Santa.

Deer Santa:
Fur Kristmas I wood like sum babes.
Luv Smokey.

Me:  Are you sure you should be asking for that?
Smokey:  I already gots food, a couch an' a home, I can't think of
anything else I could possibly want.
Me:  ...point taken.

I'm hoping he'll be satisfied with some fur mousies and a subscription
to national geographic...he liked the issue with the "sexy leopard
babe" on the cover.

Dear Santa:
F!ck off! and stay the f!ck out of my territory!  I HATE YOU
Love Tyche.

If all Tyche wants for Christmas is for strangers to stay the f!ck out
of the apartment, this letter is a good way to NOT get any visits from
Santa.

Dear Santa:
I am not thinking of myself for Christmas, only the poor little kittens
less fortunate than me.  can you please have rudolph run over the vet?
that way no one will ever need a bum thermometer again.
Love Kumani.

Her altruism is heartwarming; her methods less so.

Then there was Nocturne's letter.

"For Christmas this year I would like 100 AK-47s plus 100 troops fully
trained in their operation and equipped with stealth suits, body
armour, night vision goggles and radio/computer communications links,
twenty tanks (with crews) and a thermonuclear device."

Me:  You really think Santa is going to bring you that?  He only brings
gifts to good kitties.
Nocturne:  Read the header, human fool.
Me:  "Dear Satan.  I take it that's not a typo...the answer is no."
*tosses it in the fire*
Nocturne:  You idiot, what have you done?  How dare you mail it when it
was merely a preliminary draft?  *mutters something about neglecting to
ask for a tactical air support squadron*

--Fil