Cast of Characters:

Sammy - 6-month-old female kitten
Mommy - MUCH older female human

One day Mommy went temporarily insane and decided to invite her boss and
coworkers to the house for dinner the next Saturday.  Mommy was counting on
Daddy to do the cooking chores, as usual, but Daddy was called in to work at
the last minute and it was left to Mommy to screw up, er, cook up dinner.

Sammy has never seen Mommy cook before, so she figures Mommy puttering
around in the kitchen must be a fun new game Mommy has made up just for
Sammy's entertainment.  Sammy jumps up on the kitchen table in order to
carefully observe Mommy and figure out the rules of the new game (the better
to break them, of course).

Mommy walks over, picks Sammy up and gently places Sammy on the kitchen
floor.  Sammy bites Mommy's ankle in retaliation.  Mommy says bad words to
Sammy and walks over to get a paper towel to use to absorb the blood.
Meanwhile Sammy jumps back up to the kitchen table.  Mommy glances over at
Sammy, sighs, and thinks, "Oh well, at least she is out of the way there."

Mommy decides to start dinner by making the skillet cornbread.  Mommy takes
the corn meal, flour, eggs, milk, butter and baking powder out of the
refrigerator and sets them on the counter.  Mommy turns around to search the
cabinets looking for a mixing bowl (DH would have known exactly where to
look).  In the space of mere seconds, while Mommy's back is turned, Sammy
jumps down from the kitchen table, dashes across the kitchen floor, jumps up
onto the counter, and starts playing field hockey with the eggs.  Mommy
turns back around in time to see an egg flying off the counter to fall with
a splat on the floor.  Sammy jumps down from the counter to investigate the
broken hockey puck.  Mommy reaches Sammy just as Sammy has stuck her face
into the shattered egg.

After Mommy cleans the egg off Sammy's face and the floor, she gets another
egg out of the refrigerator.  Sammy sees the new hockey puck and jumps up to
the counter to resume her game.  Mommy catches Sammy in mid leap and, with a
firm "No' gently places Sammy on the kitchen floor.  "Sammy is *NOT* allowed
to jump up to the kitchen counters!" Mommy reprimands Sammy.  Sammy bites
Mommy's other ankle in retaliation.  Mommy says bad words to Sammy and walks
over to get a paper towel to use to absorb the blood.

Sammy sits on the kitchen floor for a few moments in order to survey the
situation and think about the rules of the game.  OK, Sammy can not jump up
to the kitchen counters.  How else can Sammy reach all the interesting game
pieces that Mommy has placed up there?  Aha, the end-around run!

Mommy, in blissful ignorance, proceeds to mix together the ingredients of
the cornbread and then bends over to search the bottom cabinets for the cast
iron skillet.  Sammy runs into the great room, jumps onto the sofa, jumps
from the sofa to the formal dining table, runs the length of the table,
jumps from the table to the bar (which backs the kitchen counter) and then
*steps down* onto the kitchen counter.  Sammy has carefully followed the
rules of the game and has *not* jumped up on the kitchen counter, but has
still reached her objective.  Sammy scores!  Mommy straightens up in time to
see Sammy sticking her nose into the cornbread mix and yells, "Sammy, NO!"
Sammy lifts up her head, cornbread mix dripping from her chin and whiskers,
to smile evilly at Mommy.

After Mommy cleans the cornbread mix off Sammy's face and the counter top,
she looks at the cornbread mix and tries to decide whether she should throw
this out and start again.  Mommy comes to the conclusion that since 95% of
the food she eats is laced with kitten spit and it hasn't hurt her yet, her
guests should be quite fine, with no harmful side effects, eating the
kitten-tested cornbread (Mommy firmly believes the old saying, "What they
don't know can't harm them.")

Mommy butters the cast iron skillet, pours in the cornbread mix and puts the
skillet into the oven to start baking.  Mommy takes the turkey out of the
refrigerator, cleans the turkey in the sink, sets the turkey into the turkey
pan, and butters the turkey in preparation of baking it.  Mommy leaves the
turkey on the counter top and turns around to start preparing the giblet
gravy.

Sammy, having figured out the end-around run, decides the impeccable logic
of this liberal interpretation of the rules is good for a second go.  Mommy
hears a muffled mew and turns around to see that the turkey has sprouted a
kitten's body - Sammy has stuck her entire head into the body cavity of the
turkey.  Mommy doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry - why oh why did
Mommy think she could pull this off!!???

After Mommy extracts Sammy from the turkey and cleans the turkey blood off
Sammy's face and the counter top, she puts the giblet gravy on the stove to
simmer.  Mommy starts stuffing the turkey with the dressing that DH prepared
for her (thank goodness!) last night.  Mommy feels daggers enter her back
and turns around to see Sammy sitting on the floor glaring at her.  Mommy
starts to feel nervous - Sammy in a playful mood is bad enough, Sammy in a
vengeful mood is sheer horror!

Mommy hurries to finish stuffing the turkey, covers the pan, and puts the
pan in the oven to start roasting.  Mommy has forgotten about the cornbread
baking in the oven but is able to rescue it before it is completely burned.
A little trimming of the black from the bottom of the cornbread is
necessary, but this is normal operating procedure for Mommy when cooking.
After Mommy has trimmed the cornbread she sets it on a plate on the counter
to cool.  Sammy, in the meantime, has yet again pulled her end-around run
but with a variation.  Instead of jumping onto the bar, Sammy jumps *over*
the bar to land, no doubt by design, right on top of the cooling cornbread.
Warm cornbread is quite soft and impressionable.  Mommy quickly lifts Sammy
off the cornbread and firmly places her on the kitchen floor.  Mommy looks
sadly at the top of the cornbread with its clearly defined paw prints and
wonders if she can convince her guests that this is a fancy mold she has
bought to decorate the cornbread.  Mommy decides that, with creating
cutting, she can still serve the cornbread.

Mommy retires to the great room for a much needed rest as the turkey and
giblet gravy cooks.

Next installment, "Entertaining Guests With Mommy".

Hugs,

CatNipped