This is one time that I don't want any feedback. Someone wrote me
and said I should read the replies to my exit post. I read them,
and thank you. Yes, part of this went back to the email exchange
with OJ, though I wish he hadn't shared that.  I know I am
hypersensitive these days.  I know this. I also know I am extremely
depressed. With the holidays coming up again, after just passing
the second birthday without him (he would have been 25; on the very
day of his death my mom and I were talking about having a surprise
party for his 25th because we were at my nieces 21st birthday that
day and hers was a surprise).  I admit I sometimes would read this
group and see - or feel - things that irked me. Hypersensitivity.  
I let it fester.  Sherry, you're right, ng's evolve, change, and
I've seen enough over the years in other groups that I know this.
Heck, sometimes it seems like you miss a post and the dynamics of
the entire group change in front of your eyes. I somehow felt this
was a group that wouldn't do that, and it was why I liked it so
much.  Someone else posted (sorry, can't remember who, I read
through tears) that everyone loses someone, and yes of course they
do. Losing a child, though...  I dwell on things from that night
that I don't believe I'll ever get out of my conscience.  Mothers
(and fathers) know how hard it is just to see your child hurt, and
you nurse them through skinned knees, hurt feelings during
adolescence, nurse them through colds and flu and hold them when
they cry. I can't get the night of the accident out of my head when
my son needed his mother most, and it was out of my hands to be
there to fix it.  I think about that moment when he died, or worse,
how long he knew he was dying and was hurting and broken.  I think
sometimes I look for things to be angry about just to transfer the
intense anger of his death to something else. So Catnipped and
anyone else who didn't understand, I apologize, and I still think I
need a break from this because it has ceased being leisurely to me.
Therapy. Yeah, there's the ticket. Maybe Prozac. Maybe a lobotomy.

Still sending purrs from my kitties to you guys. I don't want to be
a drama queen. I'm really not like that IRL. Just need a break.  
Sorry. For exploding.