*********
From Sammy Touchstone
Password *(^_P{]><

Title:  Official Minutes from Touchstone Cat Meeting
Submitted To: Mothership
cc: RPCA Feline Masters/Mistresses

Sammy, "During our last meeting, we, that is Momma Little Bit, Spotty,
and I, got to talking about all the strange and crazy things our
hoomin does. We decided submit a list to see if our hoomin is unique,
or if other hoomins serving the Master Species have similar traits."

Spotty, "Sam, u sure wee should to post this? Some hoomin could c it,
and word wood get out bout the Master Plan to rool the world."

Sammy, "Shut up, Sh*t-for-Brains!"

LB, "Children, children... you both know that is to be no bickering
during official communications. Sammy watch your language, we'll have
none of your potty mouth either..."

Spotty (smirking) "hee hee, yeah, non of ur poty mouse, Sam."

LB, "...Spot, as I've told you many times in the past, as long as we
use the special encoding program the Mothership has provided, no
hoomin will ever be able to decipher our code..."

Sammy interrupts, "which is why YOU, Spot, have had your access to the
secure channel restricted. Not only can't you spell worth sh..."

LB "SAM, Language!!"

Sammy "sorry,  "spit." Anyway, not only can't you spell worth spit,
you're forever forgetting to encode your messages and can't remember
your password - even after I wrote it on your forehead."

Spotty, "Oh YEAH, that wus a wonnerful idea! And wen I assk how I wus
suppoosed to read it, you sad luk in the miror. How wus I suppssed to
no all the leters were backwords?"

LB "ENOUGH OF THIS BICKERING!!! As chaircat of this clowder, I'm
calling a 15 minute recess. When we reconvene you two had better
behave or you're both going on report..."

Sammy bops Spotty on the head and takes off running to the bedroom,
yelling over her shoulder "TAG, YOU'RE IT, DIP-SH*T!!"

Spotty, running after Sammy, calls back to LB "Hey, poty mouse called
me dip-sh*t again."

LB mutters"Meeting's been adjourned, Dip-sh*t" and hops up on the
recliner to take a bath.

Fifteen minutes later:

LB: "This meeting is called to order... And the first one of you who
opens your mouth is going on report! Sammy post our list:

Sammy: OK, here's the list:

1. Our hoomin can't tell time. He seems fixated on instruments he
calls "clocks" example: we politely wake him up and announce that it's
time for breakfast, he looks at the "clock", mutters "it's not time,
yet" and rolls over and goes back to sleep.

2. He has a really strange way of walking through the door from the
OUT. If he's carrying something he bends over and holds it in front of
us, then hurries inside and shuts the door. When he doesn't have
anything in his hands he cracks open the door and waves his foot in
our faces ands says for us to stay back.

3. Instead of properly grooming himself he stands in a big white tub
where it rains when he does something to some shiny knobs on the wall.

4. He puts out food for all the cats in the neighborhood, instead of
saving his money and buying better food for those who are truly
important - namely US.

Sammy, in a low voice to Spotty, "and then, when ugly spotted cats
show up on the patio with little furry monsters, he lets them inside"

Spotty bops Sammy and sputters, "Kittens - those were kittens - and
I'm not an ugly cat."

"Sh*t-Head!" ..."Poty Mouse"..."Sh*t-Head!" ..."Poty
Mouse"..."Sh*t-Head!" ..."Poty Mouse"...

LB shouts, "Meeting adjourned!! You're both on report!!!"