So poignantly put I could hardly read it, Tak.

Yes I fear I relate to that all too well. First when I ended the
suffering of my elderly special boy Aries, then when I laid to rest the
headless body of my too-young Kensey, killed by a plough, then when I
had to have TED euthanase my Pericles long before his time.

Fortunately each new agony relatively diminished the previous ones by
its very immediacy, but that's about the only good thing I can think of
in favour of any bereavement.

Except perhaps that by concentrating on the years of wonderful memories
with each companion the pain of the time of their loss does gradually
diminish.

And that's all I can see to write.

My empathetic thoughts are with you - and hopefully a new special
companion will soon be with you too.

Purrs
Gordon & the FF

<snip>

Have you considered getting another cat?  Another cat would never replace
Betty -- we do not "replace" our furbabies, just as one child can never
replace another for parents, but the addition of a new cat can often ease
the pain.  It would also give a loving home to another cat that otherwise
would probably be euthanized.  If you are uncertain, you could consider
fostering, possibly for a rescue group.

I never experienced exactly the same thing as you described.  However, it
was so painful when I had to have my first cat euthanized many years ago (at
the age of 20) that I had decided that I would never get another cat and put
myself through that type of pain.  As the weeks wore on, I thought and
talked about him in what must have seen like an incessant manner to others.
Eventually, I realized that I really *needed* to have a furry companion.
The time was *right* in another way, too -- Amber needed a home.  She was
about to be put outdoors (even thought they had *declawed all four paws*)
because there "wouldn't be room for her" in a mobile home now that they were
going to have a second baby.  Well, adopting Amber turned out to be exactly
the right decision both for Amber and for me.  She was truly a little angel
(and I still cannot forgive those people for declawing her).  I soon loved
her, but in a different way from my first furbaby.  As I said, one does not
replace another; she was an *addition.*  However, I soon found that I now
thought only about the good things with my first cat.  I lost the feeling of
pain and instead looked back with gratitude and happy memories of him.  I
still keep his picture on display (and one can be seen in some of my Holly &
Duffy pictures -- the gray cat above the computer; Amber is the white cat),
but all my memories of both cats are good.  When I once again had to make
the painful decision for euthanasia (with Amber at the age of 16), I knew
that I would get another cat.  I had learned from the experience that it is
*good* to move on and accept another furry companion.  So, Holly came into
my life -- and later Duffy, so for the first time I had two cats together.
I have never regretted it for instant!!

So, you might want to give this some consideration.  As I said, you could
even consider fostering as a "trial run."

MaryL

Photos of Duffy and Holly:      >'o'<
Duffy:  http://tinyurl.com/cslwf
Holly:  http://tinyurl.com/9t68o
Duffy and Holly together:  http://tinyurl.com/8b47e

Yes. Similar feelings every time I've lost a pet. Blaming myself no matter
what the cause.... Nothing will bring them back to this life, and I don't
want to tell you how much a new cat in your life can help, because I know
you don't want to think about it just yet. I've also been at the place where
one says "No more pets, ever again, because it hurts to much to lose them."
I didn't heed my own counsel, so I have a lot of pain ahead of me, but I
will always have furry healers to help me get through it. I think it's the
only way.

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Betty. I know exactly how
you feel when I loss my dear Kit (he was hit by a police car) I thought I was
going to die and I was so young. when my twins were babies I adopted Meow
from the animal shelter and  have had him every since(he's 10) he fell ill
today(possibly a stroke) I feel so bad I can't take him to the vet until the
morning because of the transportation. My heart is so heavy right now because
I can't do anything my hands are tied all I can do is see my kitty suffer. It
hurts so bad. So I understand but I do agree with everyone else here. When
you are ready you should consider adopting a new furbaby.

((((((((((((Tak))))))))))))))))))

Theresa
Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh

Make Levees, Not War

(((((((((((((((((Purrs))))))))))))))))))) Tak

At the moment our grief is still raw but I can fully understand how you must
be feeling. I can still see Cleo, in the house, in the garden. I have put
her special plates away so I don't have to look at them.

Last night I went out and stood by her grave and whispered to her that we
lave and miss her. We planted a beautiful deep pink Camellia yesterday on
her grave, I will get a cat statue to place there as well.

As I look at my 5 kittens playing today, full of the joys of life and not a
worry in the world, I think one day they will break someone's heart, I have
to hope that between now and then they will have a wonderful full life with
loving slaves.

Purrs

Lois

Burmese are like potato chips, you can't just have one!

Tak  I am in tears  reading your post below
Something That I discovered on the net

IF TEARS COULD BUILD A STAIRWAY

If tears could build a stairway.
   and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
   and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken
   No time to say "Goodbye."
You were gone before I knew it.
   and only Gods knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness.
   and secret tears still flow.
   What it meant to love you-
       No one can ever know.

   But now I know you want me
       to mourn for you no more:
To remember all the happy times.
       life still has much in store

   Since you'll never be forgotten.
       I pledge to you today-
  A hollowed place within my heart.
       is where you will always stay.

Author unknown

Oh TAK!  I know how you feel.  It's a desperate lonely feeling.  Like the
world conspired to take away what was precious.  You didn't have nearly
enough time with your sweet Betty.  I know.

When my dog Sampson (the first and only dog I ever had) died after almost 18
years I walked around for the first year after like a zombie.  I saw him in
everything and everywhere.  It was so painful.  People at work thought I was
nuts.  I would burst into tears at the slightest provocation; anything that
reminded me of him brought me to tears.

I was also visited by him.  (Yes, sounds crazy, but I was.)  He told me in
his own way it was time to let him go but that he'd always be here with me,
watching over me.  I truly believe that.

And, a year later, who knocked on my door?  Persia.  I had never intended to
have a cat.  She *demanded* I let her in.  I think my dear departed Sampson
had a hand in this ;)

In time, I truly believe you will get the message from Betty "this is the
one, help her" and your heart will start to heal.  Blessings for you in the
meantime, my friend.  Grief is a difficult thing.  Give yourself time and
know you are not alone.  Betty will always be there and so will we.

Jill

(((((((((((Takayuki)))))))))))

I experienced something similar to some things you mention after my husband
died.  The hardest image to get rid of was that of him lying dead in his
hospital bed.  My son helped me find a way to dispel that image.  I didn't
have any good, recent photos of him by himself, and my son wanted one to
carry in his wallet.  However, there were photos of his Barbershop Quartet.
This was before the days of manipulating photos on the computer, so I took
some of the quartet photos to a couple of people in my photography club.
One made an 8 x 10 print of Jim alone, and another made some wallet sized
photos of him.  Every time I started getting the image of him lying dead, I
would look at the photo.  That eventually pushed the image to the back of my
mind, and it hasn't reappeared in years.

Joy

<gentle snip>

I can relate, as I think you know. It was a surprise to me how big a
relief I felt after scattering Frank's ashes on the island. As you know,
I don't have religion and I don't believe in an afterlife, but that
simple little ceremony gave me such comfort. I wish there was something
similar you could do to ease your mind. Dear Tak, hang in there. I wish
I had more words to comfort you.

<snip>

Your story is sadly familiar for many of us. It does start to get better
eventually, sadly though it can take years.

I have often wondered if much of my work trouble came from the day we had
Fritzie put to sleep. I lost one job that day, what I thought would have
been a regualr day job; I started another the same day, a holiday thing at
Bath & Body Works. On top of that, I had thundering cramps from a girl's
best friend, Her Time Of The Month. I swear that since I left Bath & Body,
I'd had a hard time finding and keeping decent jobs I liked, and hopped
around worse than when I temped.

I did a dumbass thing. I took too many drugs.

My usual dose of Valium is three pills a day, ever 6 hours. That day, a
few hours before work, I took six pills, three at once twice in two hours.
How I functioned, I haven't a clue. How I got nearly 2 thousand in sales,
as the boss told me the next day, I have even less a clue.

We looked for Fritzie every day, near his favorite heating vent and his
denim comforter. I went and filled his bowl a couple of times. We called
for him coming home from work.It was quiet, too quiet. Once Louie went to
get the catnip bubbles, and broke down when he realized there was no one
to blow them to.

Did we talk of another cat? Of course, but I was apprehensive and
depressed. Louie got upset with me and my depression, thinking that I
wanted another Fritzie and never another cat until he learned that I was
afraid of dishonoring my little sweetheart. I started to dream of tuxies a
few days after he passed, and a few days later met Stosh. I believe
Fritzie was telling me someone was on his was, many someones. Stosh came
to us the day before Christmas, very unexpected, and taught me a good
lesson. To love the little one who needed me was the biggest tribute I
could give my cherished, wise companion and baby. I could not have loved
five abused and abandoned cats had I not loved our Fritzie first.

In Sikh tradition, when his ashes were returned to us, we committed them
as his earthly remains back to Mother Nature; casting them into running
water at a lovely little park near our home, filled with waterfalls and
winding paths, and wildflowers and flowering bushes. Fritzie would have
loved it; he loved our garden. The vet sent us roses. We still have the
dried petals in the box that had contained the ashes; they still smell of
roses, and carry the scent of rosewood from the lovely little box. An
ornament with his pawprint--made by the vet shortly before the final
moment--is in among the petals.

Don't take it the wrong way, Tak; you'll open yourself up to another when
the time is right. Our five will not replace Fritzie, and no one will
replace our five. They are little souls, individuals. But I did learn that
I can love a little one again, and give to them and do for them. All the
work and worry in Fritzie's last years was a training ground for these
special cats I have, who needed a place with abundant patience and slaves
willing to brsuh teeth and do special food and all that. I am not
dishonoring the memory of my first kitty-love; if anything I find it's the
opposite. And I learned to pace myself with my meds!

When the time is right, remember. We weren't thinking of getting Stosh
three weeks after Fritzie was gone, but he was getting abused and needed
us. And now look at the army of masters we've collected in the past two
years! I have no regrets.

As to the practical stuff, maybe you could cover the desk in a nice cloth
of some kind, maybe fold the edges under and tape it down. And please
consider some grief counseling. It's no disgrace to go for help, and not
weakness in a human being. I'm just telling you because I care. You seem
like someone I could have a very happy cup of coffee with.

Blessed be,
Baha

Oh, Tak!  I wish I could say or do something that would help soothe your
aching heart {{{{Tak}}}}!  Please know that your time with Betty was a gift
to both of you and that your sorrow will eventually be ameliorated by the
remembrance of all you shared and gave to each other rather than remembering
when you had to let her go.  So much more of her quality of life  with you
deserves to be celebrated -- I look forward to the time when this becomes
predominant in your daily life.

When I look back at the most intense cat bonding experience I had in my
life, I look back to my Frodo.  I know there will never be another one like
him but I think of how lucky I was to have had him in my life and what a
loyal pair of friends we were.  He was always there for me when I needed him
even when no other human understood and I know I was there for him up and
through the end -- because that's what friends do for each other.  And I
would never give up those memories of the joy we shared -- will not let them
be overcome by the sad fact of having had to say goodbye when the time came.

I also knew how empty I felt after he was gone and how I still had so much
love to give.  Frodo was a generous spirit and I knew in my heart that he
would understand that I still had love to give to other kitties who might
need it; I also knew I would never stop remembering him, nor loving him; (I
am tearing up as I write this).

I hope, Tak, that you will take that unique love and compassion that you
have and realize what a special, wonderful person you are.  Be kind to
yourself and give yourself the chance to share that love again when you feel
ready and never regret anything you did for Betty because she was your true
friend and you did right by her in every way.  Miss her and love her but try
to remember that in continuing to perservere with love in your life you are
celebrating  and commemorating the special friendship that you shared.

with love and hugs and purrs from us,
Christine and Oreo, Midnight, Robin & Tucker

You are in our thoughts, Tak. You gave Betty the best possible home, the
most love she could ever get from anyone. It is so terribly cruel that
cancer was not curable and she had to leave you. But Betty will send you
a kitty or two who desperately need a home when the time comes.
We are purring for you and sending you lots of gentle hugs,
Polonca and Soncek

Tak - I send you hugs and the strength to just keep working through it all.
I haven't yet experienced what you have so I cannot offer any other words to
help.  Hang in there - you and Betty had a very special relationship and I
hope that one day the good memories will be the ones that come to you most
easily.

Susan M
Otis and Chester

Tak, even though I've never been without a cat, the ones that pass
make me sad for a long time. Each of them have a purrsonality that
make them unique. Marley was a tabby that surprisingly I'm seeing
a lot of in Rhett. Clingy, yet wild, purrpetual kitten. Shadow's
purrsonality is one that I doubted I'd ever see in another cat,
but his gentle demeaner is showing up in Bonnie. Maybe I'm
mistaking that because she is solid black like he was (only she
doesn't have a white locket like he had) but she really reminds me
of him.

Loving an animal, especially one that was ill and relied on you
for their total care is going to create a bond that feels exactly
like one you have for a human. It is just as hard to lose them,
and will take time before you can move on. I really feel for you
and what you're going through. It's hard.

Oh, {{{{{Tak}}}}}}}

I know you are in so much pain right now.  I wish I could just make it
go away, but I can't.  All I can tell you is I've been there, more
than once, and it is a journey that does have a light at the end of
it.  Your heart will heal, and you will know that Betty is a big part
of your heart always, and lives on in you.

Thinking of you,

Ginger-lyn

Home Pages:
 http://www.moonsummer.com
 http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer (homepage & cats)
 http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~summer/index.htm (genealogy)
 http://www.movieanimals.bravehost.com/ (The Violence Against
                        Animals in Movies Website)