Doggie Dictionary

Bicycles
Two-wheeled exercise machines invented for dogs to control body fat. To
get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out,
bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves
and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

Bump
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a
fresh cup of coffee or tea.

Deafness
This is a malady that affects dogs when their person wants them in and
they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person,
then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

Dog Bed
any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room
or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

Drool
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this
properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the
drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

Garbage Can
A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your
ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off
with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine
wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

Lean
Every good dog's response to the command "sit !", especially if your
person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before
black-tie events.

Leash
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person
where you want him/her to go.

Love
Is a feeling of intense affection given freely and without restriction.
The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're
lucky a human will love you in return.

Sofas
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to
run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

Thunder
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain
amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of
the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes
wildly, and following at their heels.

Wastebasket
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers.
When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over
the house until your person comes home.