It came to pass that, in the Year of our Cat Nineteen Hundred and Ninety
Five that the Prophet Jeff did receive a vision of the Great Cat.

And it came to pass that the Great Cat did speak unto the Prophet Jeff,
saying unto him, "Behold the Cat which is Master of thy Girlfriend
Elizabeth, and know that verily He is the Ascendant Master of this age;
for Friedrich Amadeus von Beethoven is verily the Earthly Presence of
the Great Cat, and behold He is the Center of the Universe and the
Universe Itself.

"Therefore shalt thou observe the Commandments of the Great Cat:

"Thou shalt remember the Food Dish, to keep it clean and in the very
presence of Purina, for the Great Cat is a hungry cat.

"Thou shalt make the offerings of Catnip regularly, for verily it is a
sweet savor unto the Great Cat.

"Thou shalt remember the Doctor of the Great Cat, for he is a man of
skill and honor who delights in caring for the Great Cat, and delights
in those who provide care as well; for those who care for the soul of
the Great Cat do honor Him in the diligent care of his spirit and bodily
form."

And it came to pass that the Great Cat did address the Prophet Jeff
thuswise and said unto him, "And this commandment shalt thou follow,
that thou must pet the Great Cat with regularity and frequency, and
listen for the Most Glorious Sound of Purr. For verily I say that this
is the sound of the Center of the Universe and the Universe Itself, for
in the Petting of the Great Cat there is Good Karma directing itself at
those who need it, and the Most Glorious Sound of Purr shall put all
things to right."

And it came to pass that the Prophet Jeff thus addressed the Great Cat
saying, "I do thy bidding, Most Great Cat; but lo, thou art the Master
of the Girlfriend Elizabeth, and do not reside under my roof. How then
may I pet thee, when I am not in thy earthly presence?"

And it came to pass that the Great Cat did speak and said, "Concern
thyself not, for behold, all Cats are the extension of the Great Cat,
and when thou dost pet them thou dost pet me, and their Most Glorious
Sound of Purr is also mine, for all Cats are one and are the Center of
the Universe and the Universe Itself."

And it came to pass that the Prophet Jeff was sore troubled and did say,
"But this is a mystery unto me, for how is it that all Cats are truly
One? And how is it that one is both the Center of the Universe, and the
Universe Itself?"

And the Great Cat did respond, "Thou shalt call Stephen Hawking if thou
desirest to know the Mysteries of Physics. I am an Ascendant Master. Now
shalt thou verily let me sleep, for it is daylight!"