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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / March 2006To all those who asked why Kajikit left
Hi, For all of you who don't know me I am John, Kajikit's DH. This all came about when everybody gave her advice about intergrating Tessie into the house. Realise by house I mean apartment. I am of the opinion that the intergration needs to happen fast and that we need to let the girls sort it out. I do not mean that they should be allowed ro badger the kitten but I do mean that the kitten needs to learn her place in the household. Its worked for near on 40 fosterlings I think it should work on Tessie, Silver and Scout. The only one who really seems put out by this is Scoutm but it has caused a profound change ih er behavior as well, you see she is more affectionate to Karen than ever. Karen got upset when everyone was telling her that she was hurting poor Tessie, plus the fact that Tessie is being a TOP CLASS HooliKitten add in that Scout and Silver were acting particularly glum that afternoon and you get a good reason for her reaction. She will be back eventually but to those who posted that she was doing a bad job or hurting the cats, please keep in mind that every situation is different and that what you did may or may not apply before telling someone they did something wrong. My wife was very upset when she left, and I was going to write a scathing reply, however; upon reading the posts and understanding where they came from I can see that they might not have been meant the way that they came across to Kajikit, that being said, I still take her side. Jaggath John , My name is Matthew aka NMR I want to say thank you for explaining what happened. And Please explain to Karen that she is greatly loved in these newsgroups. As you can see from the reply post to her last post about being her last post. I don't know your better half that well but I enjoy her post and have even had her respond to a few of mine with helpful information. Please tell her she will be missed and when she is ready to come back will be met with thankful open arms. Also thank you for not doing the scathing reply this was more heart felt truth that I and the others respect in the utmost manner. Till Karen decides to come back she and the furballs will be missed. Thank you again Matthew > Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > > Jaggath Thank you for supporting your lovely wife, John. Could you please tell her that she is very much loved here and that we'll miss her while she's away. We will welcome her back with joy when she is ready to return. Until then, we will have to do without our "fix" of stories and pictures of Silly, Scouty and Tessybabe. Tish >Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > >Jaggath What Tish said! With the addition of this statement: I have been scouring RPCA daily in hopes that I would see her posting, stating that she is reconsidering leaving! I, for one, miss postings about Silly & Scouty's (mis)adventures, but I understand that some people do have to 'step away' for a while. I feel that way too, but I have a stubborn streak, and will refuse to let someone 'get the better of me' and 'win', so I stick around (much to some people's consternation, but those people are mainly in RPCH+B LOL )! Any way, please tell Karen that I, for one, miss her, and wish her the best. Nancy Lee AKA Magic Mood Jeep  SignatureThe ONE and ONLY lefthanded-pathetic-paranoid-psychotic-sarcastic-wiseass-ditzy former-blonde in Bloomington! (And proud of it, too)© email me at nalee1964 (at) insightbb (dot) com http://community.webshots.com/user/mgcmdjeep > Thank you for supporting your lovely wife, John. Could you please > tell her that she is very much loved here and that we'll miss her [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] >> >> Jaggath > Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > HooliKitten add in that Scout and Silver were acting particularly glum > that afternoon and you get a good reason for her reaction. Not *everyone* was telling her she was hurting poor Tessie. Only the smallest minority were anything but 100% supportive. > She will be back eventually but to those who posted that she was doing > a bad job or hurting the cats, please keep in mind that every > situation is different and that what you did may or may not apply > before telling someone they did something wrong. Very true. > My wife was very upset when she left, and I was going to write a > scathing reply, however; upon reading the posts and understanding > where they came from I can see that they might not have been meant the > way that they came across to Kajikit, that being said, I still take > her side. I wouldn't expect a good husband to do anything else. Please make sure she gets lots of cuddles and hugs and that she knows she's loved. And when she's ready, please also let her know that the is a Kajikit sized hole left in RPCA that only she can fill. We'll be waiting. Yowie > Karen got upset when everyone was telling her that she was hurting > poor Tessie, I'm the first to admit that I can't keep up with all the posts here, but I only saw one post that might have fit that description. The rest were concerned. I've (pardon the expression) screwed the pooch by rushing an introduction before, and it was a disaster on so many levels ... I know that for lots of people, just plopping the cats together works, but if your cats are in whatever percentage that doesn't work for, it can be devastating. Oscar was traumatized, none of us had a moment's rest for a few months, and we had to find Eros a new home. Would they have gotten along eventually, had I followed protocol? I honestly don't know, but maybe Oscar wouldn't have been so miserable. Which is not to say I know what's best for your cats and your household; it's just to say, I know first hand what can happen if it *doesn't* work out. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca > Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > > Jaggath I am very sorry about the misunderstanding. I honestly thought that when Kajikit asked for advice, she would understand that any post made was written with the best intentions for Tessie at heart and not for her to interpret as criticism. No one, and I mean *no one* intended to convety that she was doing a bad job, or hurting the cats. Everyone who posted wanted *only* for the integration to succeed. MaryL in particular, obviously spent a *lot* of time composing a lengthy, detailed post, even including links and photos. She even offered to buy some Feliway and have it shipped to you. I honestly thought she should have been thanked for caring that much, not accused of being mean or hateful. I wish you all the best sucess. There is some very good information written by folks who are experts in feline behavior re: integrating a new cat. Perhaps they would be of help to you. http://www.operationnoblefoster.org/multicat.htm http://www.aspca.org/site/PageServer?pagename=pets_introducingcat http://www.aspca.org/site/PageServer?pagename=pets_introducingcat http://cats.about.com/cs/catmanagement101/a/introducecats.htm http://www.homevet.com/petcare/petmeet.html http://www.hsus.org/pets/pet_care/our_pets_for_life_program/cat_behavior_tip_she ets/introducing_pets_to_a_new_cat.htm Sherry I am including some very good links that all deal with the issues that Sherry, I'm a partial lurker, I don't post often -- but the thread I think that upset Karen was not the one where she asked for advice, it was the one she posted with a Tessie update. I think some people jumped in and told her she was setting them up for failure or something like that. Anyway, they gave their opinion and I think Karen was already feeling sensitive about things from a previous post. I also know how hard it is when someone at home is telling you things should be done one way and a group on the computer are giving opposite advice. In the end, you just have to weigh it all. Rhonda > I am very sorry about the misunderstanding. I honestly thought that > when Kajikit asked for advice, she would understand that any post made > was written with the best intentions for Tessie at heart and not for > her to interpret as criticism. No one, and I mean *no one* intended to > convety that she was doing a bad job, or hurting the cats. > Sherry, > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > Rhonda One must weigh the advice and take it, or not take it. But it's a usenet group so to take it "personally" as an attack... it shouldn't be taken that way. I read a few things that sounded harsh but overall was mostly constructive criticism. This wasn't an influx of trolls who called her names or said she was killing the cats or was a bad "meowmie". It was people who have integrated cats in the past. I, for one, know that Persia would grow new front claws (sorry, folks, she came to me declawed) and kill me if I brought another cat into my household. But if I did bring in another cat, I'd welcome the suggestions of people here as to how to ease the transition. And I'd take it gradually and slow... there's no need to rush things. Jill > One must weigh the advice and take it, or not take it. But it's a > usenet group so to take it "personally" as an attack... it shouldn't > be taken that way. I read a few things that sounded harsh but > overall was mostly constructive criticism. Jill, with all due respect, no one "must" do anything. Emotions aren't logical. If Karen was feeling overwhelmed, maybe the best thing for her to do was to take a step back. It's the most natural thing in the world to want to give advice when someone tells you about a problem they're having. I certainly had tons to say on this one. But I know sometimes, I just want to vent, and the person to whom I'm venting keeps trying to give me advice. I don't want the advice; I want a shoulder to lean on. It's frustrating for both parties. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >> One must weigh the advice and take it, or not take it. But it's a >> usenet group so to take it "personally" as an attack... it shouldn't >> be taken that way. I read a few things that sounded harsh but >> overall was mostly constructive criticism. > > Jill, with all due respect, no one "must" do anything. Okay, see? Here's where things in writing get taken in the wrong context. I didn't mean she MUST as in an absolute. I meant one has to take things with a grain of salt! Emotions > aren't logical. If Karen was feeling overwhelmed, maybe the best > thing for her to do was to take a step back. [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > don't want the advice; I want a shoulder to lean on. It's > frustrating for both parties. Then someone should say, "Hey, I just want to cry on your shoulder, I don't need advice." But of course, as human beings we don't express ourselves that way, particularly not in written form. I think that's why some of us post as "RANT" or something similar; to let people know we are just venting and don't really expect a reply or advice. Of course, people always give advice, being people :) Jill > Then someone should say, "Hey, I just want to cry on your shoulder, > I don't need advice." But of course, as human beings we don't > express ourselves that way, particularly not in written form. Yup. It would be nice if we were always very clear about what we want in a certain exchange, but it just doesn't work that way very often. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >> Then someone should say, "Hey, I just want to cry on your shoulder, >> I don't need advice." But of course, as human beings we don't [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > want in a certain exchange, but it just doesn't work that way very > often. Heck it would be nice if we actually knew what we wanted ourselves out of an exchange sometimes. Eg, Hubby might pick a fight with me over something like the washing up, but what he's actually trying to say is that he's had a sh*t of a day and just wants to be loved on and pampered for a bit because he's feeling a bit fragile. Even he doesn't know that thats what he really wants out of the exchange, but complaining about the washing up is a *symptom* of some other underlying cause, and on the whole, the washing up being done (or the lack thereof) is not the issue at all. I think that happens here sometimes, somebody says something that is the only way they can express some deeper issue that even they are not fully (conciously) aware of. Whether Karen was in that situation, I cannot say, but I know I've snapped at people here on Usenet for some perceived slight or another, when what I'm really feeling is frustration with Cary and actually want reassurance that i"m not the mother of the world's next axe-murderer or something and the perceived 'slight' really had nothign to do with it. Yowie > Heck it would be nice if we actually knew what we wanted ourselves out of > an exchange sometimes. Eg, Hubby might pick a fight with me over something [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > is a *symptom* of some other underlying cause, and on the whole, the > washing up being done (or I love this Yowie. It is just so accurate! Susan M Otis and Chester > Heck it would be nice if we actually knew what we wanted ourselves > out of an exchange sometimes. Eg, Hubby might pick a fight with me [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Yowie Not snipping because I just wanted to say, wow, you are so right. We humans are fragile creatures, aren't we? Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >> Sherry, >> [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > Jill Just remember, cats can _always_ surprise us, it is just possible, though unlikely, that one day Persia may meet another cat that she likes. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera) A House is not a home, without a cat. http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk >>> Sherry, >>> [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > though unlikely, that one day Persia may meet another cat that she > likes. I do remember that little tuxedo cat on the patio. Persia wasn't yowling and snarling at her, she was just sort of hissing. The cat didn't seem threatened; she meatloafed and Persia and I both sat there watching her. She was cute! Then again, I remember when Persia crashed through my sliding patio door screen and tumbled into the big OUT without my realizing it, just to chase this cat away from "her" territory. This prompted me to buy a baby gate so I can still open the sliding doors in nice weather without worrying about Persia knocking the screen door off the track and winding up outside because one of the neighbor's cats appears on my patio. She's never been friendly about sharing her space. Jill > >>> Sherry, > >>> [quoted text clipped - 46 lines] > > Jill I think Persia is one of those cats that's best suited to be an "only cat." I think she'd eventually learn to tolerate a new cat (it would take a long time!)....but she wouldn't be best buddies with it. I think she likes her home just the way it is far too much! Sherry > I think Persia is one of those cats that's best suited to be an "only > cat." I think she'd eventually learn to tolerate a new cat (it would > take a long time!)....but she wouldn't be best buddies with it. I think > she likes her home just the way it is far too much! > > Sherry It's so funny, because when I took on Miss Pua, she was so incredibly happy that I had other cats in the house. She and Tyrone play for hours! They pull on my husband's boot strings, each behind a door (must be more fun that way?) and they sleep within scant inches of each other. She and Chloe are still trying to adjust, and it's been since August last year. Still, there is a little hissing going on, but no fights. If anything, Chloe's more put out that her biological brother is more enamored with the stray. :~) kili > > I think Persia is one of those cats that's best suited to be an "only > > cat." I think she'd eventually learn to tolerate a new cat (it would [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > kili That's cute! Where did Miss PUa come from? Did she have other cats around? Boots and Frank are buddies. They do everything together. Biskit is such a loner, I think she'd be happy as an only cat. She is not aggressive, but she stays to herself all the time. Sherry > > > I think Persia is one of those cats that's best suited to be an "only > > > cat." I think she'd eventually learn to tolerate a new cat (it would [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > aggressive, but she stays to herself all the time. > Sherry You know, I have no idea where Pua came from. Absolutely no idea. She came to us within days worth of death, starving and riddled with ringworm. So skinny that it just about turned my stomach. She's now so healthy and her fur is incredibly thick that I wasn't aware of the fact that I was allergic to cats until her! She's so gorgeous. She's a little lovebug and we're very happy and lucky to have her. kili >>>> I think Persia is one of those cats that's best suited to be an >>>> "only cat." I think she'd eventually learn to tolerate a new cat [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > > kili Siamese seam to trigger allergies more than other cats. One of my aunts had two, a few years ago, one of them sat on my lap. After ten minutes my eyes were itching, half an hour later they'd swelled almost shut. Unfortunately at that stage I had to disturb the cat. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera) A House is not a home, without a cat. http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk >> >>> Sherry, >> >>> [quoted text clipped - 57 lines] > > Sherry That could be a description of Holly before I adopted Duffy. She was extremely aggressive and would instantly attack any other cat in our vicinity. I was sure I could never have another cat and wasn't even going to try because Holly was happy and I didn't want to take any changes of upsetting her. Then I saw Duffy's picture on Petfinder (*not* the beautiful Duffy of today but a pathetic waif-looking Duffy). He was blind, had been in the shelter for several months even though it is a kill shelter, and kitten season was approaching (which would put space at a premium and Duffy's life even more in jeopardy). So, I decided to try. I received *lots* of help and advice from Megan, took things very slowly and cautiously, and everything has worked out beautifully. In the past, I had made the mistake of expecting Holly to adjust too quickly to other cats. This time, I took a full 6 weeks -- and the results speak for themselves. That is one of the reasons that I also feel I "speak from experience" when someone says that it is good enough just to throw cats together and let them work things out for themselves. Sometimes it works, but often it backfires. So, here's a belated -- but heartfelt -- thanks to Megan for all of her time and effort in helping me work through a successful integration process! Photos of Duffy and Holly: >'o'< Duffy: http://tinyurl.com/cslwf Holly: http://tinyurl.com/9t68o Duffy and Holly together: http://tinyurl.com/8b47e Recent pics: http://tinyurl.com/clal7 > even more in jeopardy). So, I decided to try. I received *lots* of > help and advice from Megan, took things very slowly and cautiously, > and everything has worked out beautifully. In the past, I had made > the mistake of expecting Holly to adjust too quickly to other cats. > This time, I took a full 6 weeks -- and the results speak for > themselves. Speaking from my own (unsuccessful) experiences, I think it's key to recognize that integration takes time, and be honest with yourself about whether you will be able to spend that time and stick to your guns. Perhaps any cat combination can be taught to live in harmony, but not everyone is able or willing to take the time and exercise the discipline required. I couldn't take/make the time to integrate a cat into the household, and the results showed. Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >> even more in jeopardy). So, I decided to try. I received *lots* of >> help and advice from Megan, took things very slowly and cautiously, [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > I couldn't take/make the time to integrate a cat into the household, > and the results showed. Persia is definitely an "only cat". I think the fact that she knocked herself out trying to get at the interloper on the patio says it all. Although I'd love to have another cat in the household, not only can I not afford one, I really wouldn't want to stress Persia out in the process. It's enough that I have a small parrot (Peaches) as well as Persia. BTW, I discovered Peaches loves fresh broccoli :) Jill >>>even more in jeopardy). So, I decided to try. I received *lots* of >>>help and advice from Megan, took things very slowly and cautiously, [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > Persia is definitely an "only cat". I think the fact that she knocked > herself out trying to get at the interloper on the patio says it all. When I brought Miranda home, I was pretty sure that I would have to return her to my niece because of Nikki. Nikki used to hate all other cats except Frank, whom she adored. If another cat came near her or Frank on the island, she would have a hissy fit and attack the interloper. And she did hiss at Miranda when she first came, and did seem a bit put out for a few days, but as it turned out, she accepted Miranda quicker than Frank did. She had just started playing with Miranda when she had her fit and subsequently had to be pts. Of course, it's always easier to integrate a kitten than an adult cat. > Although I'd love to have another cat in the household, not only can I not > afford one, I really wouldn't want to stress Persia out in the process. > It's enough that I have a small parrot (Peaches) as well as Persia. BTW, I > discovered Peaches loves fresh broccoli :) In the pet supply shop near me, they have a big cage with some sort of small parakeets right by the check-out. I don't know what kind of birds they actually are, but they always remind me of your Peaches, as they're always chirping away happily. Very lively birds. SignatureMarina, Miranda and Caliban. In loving memory of Frank and Nikki. marina (dot) kurten (at) iki (dot) fi Stories and pics at http://koti.welho.com/mkurten/ Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/ and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki >>> >>> Sherry, >>> >>> [quoted text clipped - 79 lines] > all of her time and effort in helping me work through a successful > integration process! Thats one thing I can say about Megan - she sure knows about cats! Yowie >>>>>>> Sherry, >>>>>>> [quoted text clipped - 87 lines] > > Yowie You shoul have been a diplomat, Yowie. ;-) SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera) A House is not a home, without a cat. http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk > Hi, > > For all of you who don't know me I am John, Kajikit's DH. Hi John! > This all came about when everybody gave her advice about intergrating > Tessie into the house. Realise by house I mean apartment. I am of the > opinion that the intergration needs to happen fast and that we need to > let the girls sort it out. (snippage) >Jaggath I don't think anyone here really meant to hurt Karen's feelings. It may not all have sounded like constructive criticism, but really, why rush the introductions? Why do you think that's necessary? Will you need to move soon or something? I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, too. My situation was different. I had to integrate a stray cat (I'd *never* had a cat before) with a couple of parakeets. It was definitely a gradual introduction with supervision, and I never let the cat challenge the birds even though it's instinctual. I wasn't letting my birds fly around (this particular pair never got hand-tamed) but she'd charge the cage. She got the water gun treatment when she did that, then got pats after the "punishment". The parakeets passed away. Then I got my lovebird, Peaches. For a YEAR after I got Persia I would shut her in my bedroom with her food, water, litterbox while I went to work. I'd let her out when I got home. After that I gradually started letting her out while I made trips to the store or whatever. She learned to know the difference between birds she could see on the patio and my parakeets. After a year of doing the isolation routine and gradual integration, I started going to work without shutting Persia in the bedroom. Then the parakeets died (natural causes). But she has never once bothered Peaches. In fact, when I'm in here on the computer I can look out the door and find her curled up near Peaches' cage and they just don't pay any attention to each other. Neither one bothers the other. I'm not saying I'd let Peaches fly around with Persia loose, but then Peaches isn't very good at flying LOL She likes to waddle around like a small duck and get behind furniture, which is a pain in the a.s. There is also a microorganism on cats which, while cats are immune to it can, in effect, kill a lovebird if they come into contact with a cat. I realize this is a bit off the subject, but it's all to say sometimes integration needs to be gradual. I see no reason to rush things. The cats will sort it out but I don't understand the reason to rush it. Jill Please add my name to those who will welcome Karen back to RPCA when she's ready. SignatureSam, closely supervised by Mistletoe >Hi, > [quoted text clipped - 31 lines] > >Jaggath Hi, John, Thanks for letting us know what is going on. I am another who hopes that Kajikit will come back soon, as she is missed. Ginger-lyn Home Pages: http://www.moonsummer.com http://www.angelfire.com/folk/glsummer (homepage & cats) http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~summer/index.htm (genealogy) http://www.movieanimals.bravehost.com/ (The Violence Against Animals in Movies Website) > Hi, > > For all of you who don't know me I am John, Kajikit's DH. Hi John Thanks for letting us know and please add me to the list of people who want her back! Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furballs
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