*Smokey gives a speech*

"Hi, I'm Fil's cat Smokey, an' I'm here to talk about my favourite
thing ever...not the couch, that's my other favourite thing ever...I'm
here to talk about food.  My favourite thing to eat is food, and my
favorite kind of food is, hehheh....lots.

I don't like fast food because sometimes it's too fast.  Then it gets
away and you go hungry.  I like slow food like pizza and sandwiches.
Nice people used to feed me those.  My favourite restaurant is the
dumpster.

When I was fer...fera...wild, sometimes I caught food.  I liked wings.
Especially seagull wings cause those were big.  And bunnies.  I liked
baby bunnies cause big jackrabbits would kick me in the head.
Nocturne says it shows.  Whatever that means.  Nocturne says I'm a
cretin.  I think that's what you call the crunchy things in caesar
salad.  I like the bacon better than the cretins.

The scariest thing ever is outside.  It's cold and wet and there's
coyotes and hardly ever any food.  The second scariest thing ever is
the bottom of my food bowl.  When I see it, I start thinking about
when there was no food.  Like in winter when all the bunnies were
hiber...hiverna....sleepin'.  Yeah.  And it's really scary.  Then I
cry, and then mom and dad tell me to shut up and fill my food bowl.
They say I'm a poor excuse for a wild aminal.  I'm glad I'm bad at
being a wild kitty cause I like being a house kitty loads better.

All this talking made me hungry so I'm gonna go eat cat food and then
lick the kittens.  I can't lick Nocturne cause she's a....well, never
mind, that word's kinda rude even if it is true.  Thanks."

*Smokey goes*

*Nocturne gives a speech*

"Today I'm going to discuss "Smokey and why he should be sent to the
Siberian gulag"...what?  He's not my brother, he's adopted...oh, fine.
Today's speech is now entitled "Why all humans should be
institutionalized...."  Feh.  It's not hate speech if it's true..."

*Nocturne's parents pick her up and carry her off before someone calls
the UN...again.*

--Enfilade