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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / October 2004Today
I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident wasn't the first one of it's kind, nor will it be the last. It hurts but, there's also a very faint ray of hope that we'll adjust, and learn to be a happy home again, that while we'll always dreadfully miss Eve... It won't be such a heavy weight. And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is getting heavier instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral than I have today. It's hard doesn't begin to convey the enormity. Of course, I don't have to explain that, ya'll understand somewhat that yes, it is a huge void in my life. I've been pulling in, shutting people out lately but in the last couple days, I've wanted to be surrounded instead. I'm talking. I'm socializing or just.. in town shopping. But it's still hard even though I'm either jamming along with the radio, laughing over a joke or a person may look at me and say she's doing good. it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I don't ever forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my heart... I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a little while at a time. Grace babbling again < I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a little while at a time. Grace babbling again > Grace, After my sister, niece and nephews were murdered by my brother in law (he committed suicide right after), my family was in shock. We just took it one breath at a time in the beginning, then a minute at a time. It has been 35 years now, and it is still painful. My mom asked me to tell you she knows how you feel, and it does get better, but it will take time. {{{Hugs}}} Patti > I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to > think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > Grace > babbling again Babbling is good, Grace -- it's helping you let out what you are feeling -- having a channel for expression is sooo much better than to refuse to acknowledge your loss within yourself. I am honored by your willingness to share with us. Just do what you can do in each day, live from moment to moment if you need to, and take whatever time you need to learn to move forward -- try to look for small daily things you can find some pleasure in, be aware of nature if you take a walk. Be kind to yourself and take care of your health (I'd suggest you might consider taking a "stress complex" vitamin, i.e., B complex and C--it will help you keep your strength up). purrs, Christine > I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I > started to think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > Grace > babbling again Think of this as a huge diary that talks back. No, not talks back, but rather talks to you in return... but you don't have to listen if you don't want to and you can always just walk away for a bit as needed. I have never experienced anything like you are dealing with. But over the course of 44 years I've found writing to be very therapeutic. And if we can help in any small way, please know we will do everything in our power to do so. Hugs and purrs, Jill It will always be underneath, but not as crushing as it is now, and the really sharp edges will soften in time. And I can see by the way you talk that you also have a force inside of you that doesn't give up. Hugs, Nanny > I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to > think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > Grace > babbling again > And frankly, that scares me. It > scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my > heart... > > I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a > little while at a time. Grace, whilst I don't have any personal experience of this (I'm involuntarily childless), my closest friend lost her five month boy to cot death, about ten years ago. He was her first child, and we were all numbed. She's had two children since, lovely bright kids who know about Jamie, their 'big brother'. We talk about Jamie now and again, and she says that every morning, he's the first thing she thinks of, she's always aware of her loss. That might sound awful, but it's not, she wouldn't want to forget about him. She is happy and busy, has a full life, and enjoys the children that she does have. Healing a wound as huge as this will take time, but it will come. Whenever I've been bereaved, I know that I've gone through this stage too, after a while it's not just the shock of the death that hurts, it's the fact that it's so long since you saw your loved one and you're missing them, pure and simple. Jeanette > And believe me folks, the weight on my shoulders is getting heavier > instead of better. I felt better the day after her funeral than I have > today. My experience with loss and grief is that the healing is not linear. It doesn't get better every day until it's gone - it's a much more up-and-down, better-and-worse kind of thing. Some days I'd feel better, and then later, I'd feel much worse, and think, "Hey, I thought I got past these feelings already." When my partner of 15 years ended our relationship, it took me over two years to get over it. But I wasn't totally miserable every minute of those two-plus years. Sometimes I felt great, other times, very sad, still other times, angry, and so on. There were times when I'd be very surprised at how strong the pain could be, after feeling OK for a long stretch. I wouldn't compare a relationship breakup to losing a child, but on some levels, loss is loss - and I think one thing all grieving processes have in common is that it happens unevenly. You heal a little, and then it all comes back for a while, then it seems like it's the same forever, then there's another healing spurt, and so on. > it's there, it's under the surface, it's lurking.. I don't ever > forget, not even for a moment. And frankly, that scares me. It scares > me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my > heart... (((Grace))) I think I know what you mean - the fear that you will never be happy again, that you'll have to live the rest of your life in this amount of horrible pain. But people do heal, from all kinds of terrible tragedies. They may never be the same as they were before, but they are able to rediscover that life is worth living. I pray that you will discover this again soon, too. Purrs, Joyce >I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a >little while at a time. > >Grace >babbling again babble all you want, Grace. You will always miss Eve. Rightly and normally so. But you will also learn to be happy again and the pain of losing Eve will be eased by the lovely memories of the joy she brought to you. Give yourself *time* - a lot of time, unlimited amounts of time. Be gentle on yourself. However you grieve is okay. Be gentle on yourself when you have a bad day, a bad hour, a bad minute or second, a bad week. Don't feel guilty when you have happy times. You'll never forget Eve, and I'm glad she was in the world - that you shared your pregnancy and motherhood with us here on the newsgroup. She won't ever be forgotten here either. The funeral was a chance for everyone to say a formal goodbye to Eve - to be there physically, to show support. That would help I think? Once that day was over, yes, the heaviness would be quick to come down again. Know you are among friends here. Lurk, post or participate however helps you at any given time. {{{{{{{{{{ Grace }}}}}}}}}} helen s --This is an invalid email address to avoid spam-- to get correct one remove fame & fortune h*$el*$$e*nd**$o$ts**i*$*$m*m$o*n*s@$*a$o*l.c**$om$ --Due to financial crisis the light at the end of the tunnel is switched off-- {{{{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}}} >I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to > think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > it > is a huge void in my life. Yes, there always will be a place in your heart that Eve will always occupy, that's how it should be. But over time, *lots* of time, that place won't bring you the sharp hurt it does now, it will bring you fond memories of Eve and the joy she brought to you and her family in the brief time that she was with you. > I've been pulling in, shutting people out lately but in the last couple > days, I've wanted to be surrounded instead. I'm talking. I'm socializing [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my > heart... I can't say that I've felt what you feel (forgive me, but thank God), however I can understand it, because as a mother, and a grandmother, I've imagined what it would be like to lose one of mine, and just the imagined pain us unbearable - I have to stop myself thinking about it. *Having* to think about it all the time would be terrifying {{{{{Grace}}}}}. But, having talked to people who have had to go through it, the pain does ease - it won't always be this bad (and, perversely, that is *also* a scary thought). > I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a > little while at a time. > > Grace > babbling again Grace, don't *EVER* feel bad about "babbling" here - we all want to be able to help ease your pain in whatever way we can. If it's just to read your posts, send our purrs and prayers, and give you cyber hugs, then that's what we'll do for as long as you need us to. Hugs, CatNipped >I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to >think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] >I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a >little while at a time. Babble all you want, Grace. You are discivering that life is full of tiny, seemingly insignificant pleasures that will take you away from your grief for short spurts of time. And even if they can't make your grief go away-- nothing can-- those tiny things can be the saving of you. Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com On Tue, 28 Sep, Grace wrote: ---------------------<snip>---------------------- >I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a >little while at a time. When I was younger I used to like to think I knew what to say to people who had suffered a loss. Now all I can think of to say is {{{{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}}, but the hugs come from the heart. Purrs and Hugs, O J > On Tue, 28 Sep, Grace wrote: > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Purrs and Hugs, > O J What I needed in my bereavement was that people acknowledged it. I would far rather that a neighbour crossed the road to me to say something like I'm sorry for your loss than that they crossed the road to the other side to avoid me. That hurt. Please don't cross the road because you are uncomfortable about what to say. You only need to say something like "I heard about your loss and I'm so sorry" That's enough. You don't need to get into a long conversation about it and you can walk away then. Somehow it helps, don't ask me why, that someone tries to understand and has sympathy. Tweed Ow. Everything hurts. I have ouchies. >I've been pulling in, shutting people out lately but in the last couple >days, I've wanted to be surrounded instead. I'm talking. I'm socializing or [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a >little while at a time. It's all so sad, and you've been through so much, especially for someone as young as you are. I once saw a documentary on a woman who adopts children with terminal illnesses, and she said that even though there have been so many, she never forgets any of the children, that there's always something that reminds her of something one of them said or did. <snip> >I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a >little while at a time. > >Grace >babbling again Babble away, no one here minds, and some who have gone through terrible losses understand. At this time, I think all you can expect is to be able to function through the pain of your loss. In time, and for any normal person it does take time, I expect the pain will be less intrusive, as you're able to concentrate on the good memories rather than the loss. Purrs and cyber hugs continue no-stop  SignatureSteve Touchstone, faithful servant of Sammy, Little Bit and Rocky stouchst@JUNKsirinet.net [remove Junk for email] Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html .... It scares me that I have to go through life with this underneath, crushing my > heart... > I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a > little while at a time. > Grace (((((Grace))))) Many hugs to you and Abi and Jody. I wish I could do more. Take care, Annie > I've been pulling in, shutting people out lately but in the last couple > days, I've wanted to be surrounded instead. I'm talking. I'm socializing or [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a > little while at a time. Sweetie, don't worry about it. It hasn't been that long and grief takes it's own time to "heal" for lack of a better word. I remember after my mom died (I was 15) I couldn't figure out why the sun was shining. It was wrong that it should be so bright and pretty out and I had so much pain and emptiness within. It's been 34 years and I still have periods of really missing her, but I did learn that one will have happiness again and that life will go on, just not with that person. Someday, you'll forget for a while, then remember with a jolt. Someday, you'll find yourself thinking about how much Eve would have enjoyed something special, like a field of wild flowers, and it won't hurt. Each person has their own time frame, and rushing one's grief won't help you heal. Just hang in there and know that we all love you and are thinking of you. Pam S. <snip> I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a little while at a time. > Grace > babbling again Fell free to babble any time Grace. We're still praying and purring for you and your family. Sam > I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to > think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > Grace > babbling again Babble away sweetie. I'm glad that you feel comfortable and trust us enough to feel that you *can* babble here. I apologise if this sounds weird or insensitive or godawful selfish, I've written it a bazillion times, deleted it, written it again... pardon the clumsy expression and I hope you can see what I mean, and feel: Most of us have never met you or your family, yet on hearing the news, we cried and grieved for the loss of "our" Eve too. That grief of course is *nothing* compared to yours, or the ones closest to Eve, but it was suredly there too. RPCA is a family, the lack of blood relations and the geographical distance is irrelevant to the ties we have developed between us, we all felt pain and heartache at the news, because one of our own had passed. So when you come here and "babble" you are not only expressing *your feelings* but also allowing *us* also express our feelings about Eve, and helping us heal right along with you. So please don't feel like you are intruding or posting out of turn or wasting our time or have *any* negative feelings or thoughts about sharing what you want to share with us, because you aren't, its more than welcome. After all, isn't that what family is all about? We cry togehter as well as laugh together. Thank you for letting us cry with you. Hugs, Vicky (Yowie) > I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to > think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > Grace > babbling again ((((((Grace)))))) Of course you won't forget. But I think you'll find eventually that life can still be worthwhile, and there is still joy. Please do whatever feels right, and know that we are purring and praying for you. ------ Krista > I just pray that months later, I'll be sincerely happy. At least for a > little while at a time. > > Grace > babbling again Babble as much as you need to, we all care. Hugs and purrs. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera) A house is not a home, without a cat. {{{{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}}}}}} Julie, Hobbes, Selena, Lacey and Sam We are thinking of you and are here for you. Lots of gentle hugs and purrs, SignaturePolonca & Soncek > I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to > think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > Grace > babbling again Grace, No you will never forget, Not Eve, nor the pain of her death, but you will eventually be able to look back and smile at the funny things she did or said, and the beauty of her smile, and the *burden* will lift a little. I lost my son thirty years agoand I haven't forgotten one thing about him, but the *burden* itself is not as great as it was, and I like to talk about him to people who knew him, and to wonder what he would be like today. Many Hugs to you and your family, and Purrs that your healing will continue. Jean.P. > I read in the news that a three year old was killed today. And I started to > think, that I'm not the only one that has endured this. And our accident [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > Grace > babbling again |
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