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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / October 2004*sighs*
I'm ovulating this weekend. We're going to have another child, someday. But it just... it's difficult. I can't imagine life with a single living child. But I can't *not* feel like this is just a kneejerk reaction, a "replacement" of sorts. Guilt, confusion.... Don't really have a point to this thread, just meanderings. I met a woman this weekend, she lost her 17 month old 22 years ago. It helped, I guess. Makes me want to surround myself with mothers who have lost children. It's a horrific bond. I asked her what happened, and she shared the details. In turn, she has been the *only* person that was able to ask and I shared without any negativity towards the callousness of someone asking, well what happened. And I have had friends that mentioned that yes, they wondered what occurred, what caused Eve's death... but only after I supplied the barest details. And that was ok, I understand the need to know. It's a closing And yes, that post is coming eventually. It's easier to tell it than it is to type it out. But... it was different, I felt so open, like a secret was safe to share with a person that held the same secret. Maybe details can be swapped easier with someone who has endured the same tragedy. It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... ((((((((((Grace))))))))) I can't imagine what you're going through. Well, I can sort of imagine it, because it's a fear I think all parents have, but I know your pain is beyond my understanding. It is good that you found someone you can talk to about it - someone who truly understands. Joy > I met a woman this weekend, she lost her 17 month old 22 years ago. It > helped, I guess. Makes me want to surround myself with mothers who have lost [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > a secret was safe to share with a person that held the same secret. Maybe > details can be swapped easier with someone who has endured the same tragedy. I wonder, Grace, is there a grief group in your area that you might join, when/if you're ready for something like that? Hospitals sometimes run groups like this, also community centers, and churches, etc. You've probably already thought of this. But your post made me think that if talking to this woman felt safe, maybe others who've lost children are the people you need to be talking to right now? {{{Grace}}} Continuing purrs, Joyce ...> It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... Grace, Give yourself time. Be aware that as a woman, your hormones will affect your emotions and take that into consideration. Share what you need to share and hang onto what you need to hang onto. Your healing comes before anyone's desire or need to know details. Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it and don't feel obligated to accept what you don't need. Just know that we are here for you whenever and however you need us, individually or as a group. Hugs, Annie >I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > >It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... {{{{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}}} -- Nan and the furkids A wise man talks because he has something to say; a fool talks because he has to say something. <gentle snip> > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... Grace, I can't begin to understand what you're going through, since as you know I don't have children. But I'm so very happy that you found someone you felt you could talk to and who could understand. That's very important. I hope she can help you in your mourning process. We're always here, too, of course, whenever you feel like talking. {{{Grace}}}  SignatureMarina, Frank and Nikki marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/ and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > this is just a kneejerk reaction, a "replacement" of sorts. Guilt, > confusion.... That's perfectly natural. Another child could *never* replace Eve, but another child, when you're ready, can help to fill the void in your life that's left with her passing. > Don't really have a point to this thread, just meanderings. > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > supplied the barest details. And that was ok, I understand the need to > know. A friend's need to know is *SO* much further down in priority than your needs right now. If you don't feel like talking about it, then don't - period. If you have found someone with whom you *want* to talk, then that may help. Do what feels right to you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks - just take it at your own pace, everyone's needs at a time like this are different. Don't let anyone else tell you what's right for you. > It's a closing And yes, that post is coming eventually. It's easier to > tell [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... I know, as I mentioned in another post, it's hardest when everyone goes home to continue with their lives and you are left to deal with the loss every minute of every day. Just know that we are here for you in whatever capacity we can provide. Hugs, CatNipped <snip> >It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... ((((((((Grace))))))) Just know you have lots of friends here who are sending thoughts, purrs and prayers your way. ************* Feel free to ignore the rest, since you may already have your fill of unasked for advice. Yes, there's always a certain morbid curiosity when a tragedy happens, so some people ask for details. No one reacts the same way to a tragic loss, so you're the best judge of what YOU need. If there's a support group, it may help to get some of the grief out to talk, if not couseling may help. Tell the group the details when you're ready, and if you never free ready, then don't tell us - do what feels right for you. SignatureSteve Touchstone, faithful servant of Sammy, Little Bit and Rocky stouchst@JUNKsirinet.net [remove Junk for email] Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html > And yes, that post is coming eventually. It's easier to tell >it than it is to type it out. But... it was different, I felt so open, [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > >It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... {{{{{{{{Gracie}}}}}}} I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. As for a discription of what happened. As far as I'm concerned don't feel the need to post about it unless it helps your healing process. Still praying & purring for you and yours. Suz Macmoosette Thank Heavens There's Only One =^..^= =^..^= =^..^= =^..^= =^..^= =^..^= Waiting for inspiration. Please hold while I contemplate my navel. |\__/| (=':'=) (")_(") > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > this is just a kneejerk reaction, a "replacement" of sorts. Guilt, > confusion.... My Grandmother's third child, a son named Paul died when he was six months old. She was as you know heartbroken. She told us that when she was finally able she prayed. That it was the only thing she ever prayed for, asked for, specifically for herself. She prayed for another child and prayed that child be a son. He was born one year to the day after his brother died. He was my father. She had four more children after that, all of them of course loved. And she talked about her son Paul sometimes. My aunts were a little surprised when we were writing my dad's life story that I not only knew about Paul but that I knew his name. My Grandmother was a very religious woman, also kind and gentle and giving. I realized as an adult that for her, as great as the pain was and it never disappeared, she has a baby waiting for her in heaven. Jo > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... You are so much in my thoughts and prayers, Grace. I cannot even begin to understand the pain. I'm glad you found someone you could talk to who understands. Hugs, Jill ((((((Grace)))))) Hugs and purrs for you and your family. Ann > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 26 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... {{{{Grace}}}! Time is your ally for now -- give yourself all the time you need. Christine > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... No way I can really relate to what you're going through, but many prayers and purrs are continuing for you and your family. {{{{{{{{{{{{ Grace }}}}}}}}}}}} Sam ((((Grace)))) Know you are in our thought and we are sending sustaining energies toward you. Also, don't be surprised if you don't fit the "traditional" model of grief. My mom is grieving for my father, and she is concerned at various times that she isn't grieving "right". I keep telling her that what ever way she needs to feel at the time is right for her. Go with the feelings, if you fight it, it only gets harder. Tell us what you need when you need and not minute before. Know that there are a lot of people on this group who care about you, Abi, Jodi and the rest of your family. Diane > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... (((((Grace))))) > I'm ovulating this weekend. > > We're going to have another child, someday. But it just... it's difficult. I > can't imagine life with a single living child. But I can't *not* feel like > this is just a kneejerk reaction, a "replacement" of sorts. Guilt, > confusion.... Its not a knee-jerk reaction so much as *biological* reaction. Its your genes saying "propagate us", with no regard to your thoughts or feelings whatsoever. All animals have it, just that us humans have been able to use reason and logic, and even our emotions to (mostly) overcome pure animal reflexes. Don't feel guilty, its what your body is *supposed* to do, even though it feels grossly inappropriate right now. You probably knew that anyway, although that doesn't help with how you feel one little bit. Hugs. > Don't really have a point to this thread, just meanderings. > [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... More hugs. Just know we are there for you. No pressure, no expectations. Just there. Still with you, still your friends.. Whenever you are ready to share what you want to share, or not to share what you don't want to share, we'll still be here for you. take your time. Hugs again. Yowie In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", "Yowie" <yowie9644.DIESPAMDIE@yahoo.com.au> artfully composed this message within <news:2rsh4rF1e6f0gU1@uni-berlin.de> on 28 Sep 2004: > Its not a knee-jerk reaction so much as *biological* reaction. > Its your genes saying "propagate us", with no regard to your > thoughts or feelings whatsoever. All animals have it, just that > us humans have been able to use reason and logic, and even our > emotions to (mostly) overcome pure animal reflexes. Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation when he was about 2 (I was 19). In combination with an abortion of a second baby that I was still too young to have. Eric was born when I was 16, I got pregnant again when I didn't even know how to raise the first, marriage wasn't going well and when you're young you think stupidly. I have to live with ending the life of one* that could have been here now, and the end of a life of another that was so precious to me. If life had a crystal ball. I wonder if it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder I'm fkd up. SignatureCheryl *there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die now. > In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", "Yowie" > <yowie9644.DIESPAMDIE@yahoo.com.au> artfully composed this message [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder > I'm fkd up. {{{Cheryl}}}} Hindsight is always perfect. None of us have that crystal ball, or a guidebook for our lives. SignatureMarina, Frank and Nikki marina (dot) kurten (at) pp (dot) inet (dot) fi Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/ and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki ((((Cheryl)))) > In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", "Yowie" > <yowie9644.DIESPAMDIE@yahoo.com.au> artfully composed this message [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > > *there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die now. (piggybacking because didn't get original) > > Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being > > pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > > > *there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die now. ((((((Cheryl)))))) Other people have said what I want to say, better than I ever could; I do hope you find some peace. We are purring and praying for you. ------ Krista > Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being > pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > end of a life of another that was so precious to me. If life had a > crystal ball. I wonder if it would make a difference. {{{Cheryl}}} This sounds incredibly painful. And nothing I can say will make that regret and sorrow go away - it's part of the grieving that you need to do. I'm so sorry about that. But I would like to respond to what sounds like self-blame and recriminations, which hurts me to hear you do. How could you have known what would happen in the future? We all can only make the best decisions we know to make, given the information we have at the time, and the options we have (or that we know about - which amounts to the same thing) at the time. I'm not trying to tell you that you made a good decision - or a bad one. I'm only saying that you can't judge the rightness of a decision based on the outcome, when you couldn't possibly have known what it would be. And this is probably all academic and intellectual, anyway... but I do hope you can have some compassion for yourself and the choices you have made. You have enough pain already, without punishing yourself. You haven't done anything wrong. You've been dealt a senseless tragedy, and that's terrible enough. Many hugs and purrs, Joyce > Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being > pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder > I'm fkd up. Cheryl, you'll always be Eric's mother, whatever happens you have that knowledge, and those memories. It's not something that can be taken away from you. He sounds like a son that anyone would have loved and been proud of. Jeanette >If life had a crystal ball. I wonder if >it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. {{{{{{{{{{ Cheryl }}}}}}}}}} gentle *hugs*, helen s --This is an invalid email address to avoid spam-- to get correct one remove fame & fortune h*$el*$$e*nd**$o$ts**i*$*$m*m$o*n*s@$*a$o*l.c**$om$ --Due to financial crisis the light at the end of the tunnel is switched off-- > Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being > pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder > I'm fkd up. {{{{{{{{{{Cheryl}}}}}}}}}} Cheryl, we're *ALL* fkd up in one way or another by what life has dealt us. As I get older I'm beginning to believe that it's "normal" to be "abnormal". If someone is not affected by tragedies that have struck them, the mistakes they have made, then *that* is abnormal. There are things that I've done in my life of which I am so deeply ashamed that I would not have the temerity to ask God's forgiveness for, much less forgive myself. The guilt will sometimes keep me awake and crying in the middle of the night. But what can you do about it? You can admit your mistakes, learn from them, and then just go on and try not to make the same mistakes again. > Cheryl > > *there is more I won't share. These things make me want to die now. What I learned was that I should not die in reparation of the things I've done, instead I should *live* because of them so that I can, in some small measure, make up for them... try to make the world a better place so that I can acheive some balance on my "score sheet". Every time you touch someone's heart (and you've done that here, believe me), every time you help someone out, every time you do a good deed, you are making up for whatever you feel you've done wrong in your past. It's the only thing we can do that will make a difference to us, and more importantly, a difference to others - especially those we love and who love us. Hugs, CatNipped {{{{Cheryl}}} -- In my life, I'm glad I don't have a crystal ball because if I'd known ahead of time of some of the difficulties I'd face I don't know if I could have -- just going through the hardships and coming out the other side has helped me realize I'm stronger than I'd ever thought I'd be. Also, for all the things that I feel are out of my control it makes me that more determined to work towards something positive in the things that I can control. In this I think you know what I mean because in some small way we've made a significant difference for the good with the furkid challenges we've taken on. You do have a lot of good to contribute, Cheryl -- hang in there; you always have our purrs and support. Christine, Omar, Oreo, Midnight, Robin & Tucker > > Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being > > pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation [quoted text clipped - 39 lines] > > CatNipped I think knowing the future would ruin one's life. We would be constantly anticipating the good things to come, or dreading the bad ones, and never be able to enjoy the present. -- Joy "You can never do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson > {{{{Cheryl}}} -- In my life, I'm glad I don't have a crystal ball because if > I'd known ahead of time of some of the difficulties I'd face I don't know if [quoted text clipped - 57 lines] > > > > CatNipped >Even before Eric died, I used to have vivid dreams of being >pregnant. After I was unable to be pregnant. I had a tubal ligation [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder >I'm fkd up. (((((((Cheryl)))))) We can't change the past, no matter how we beat ourselves up over what hindsight tells us about a decision. Many comforting purrs coming your way. SignatureSteve Touchstone, faithful servant of Sammy, Little Bit and Rocky stouchst@JUNKsirinet.net [remove Junk for email] Home Page: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/index.html Cat Pix: http://www.sirinet.net/~stouchst/animals.html Please take care of yourself, Cheryl. We are here for you and thinking of you. Lots of hugs and purrs, SignaturePolonca & Soncek <snip>I have to live with ending the life of one* > that could have been here now, and the end of a life of another > that was so precious to me. If life had a crystal ball. I wonder if > it would make a difference. I wonder about a lot. It's no wonder > I'm fkd up. > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 21 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... {{{{{{{{{{{{Grace}}}}}}}}}}}} I can't imagine what you're going through. I lost my brother 12/12/99 and it still hurts like hell, it must be worse to lose a child. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera) A house is not a home, without a cat. > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... Purrs, sympathy thoughts, and healing wishes for all of you. Grace, it will be the "little" things that are always going to give you those pangs of grief. Hang in there, sweetie. We love you and will be here for you when you need us. Pam, Rob, and the Fayetteville Seven Hugs to you, Grace. Many of them. One for peace, one for joyful memories, a boatload for your healing. And yeah, one for your mighty strength. Share when you're ready; we won't push you, just we'll be here. And don't feel guilty for anything, not your hormones nor your irritation nor anything else. You are your priority now. You are Persephone. You've gone to Hades and were forced to eat from the pomegranate in Hell's hand. But Persephone returns, and spring comes. It will for you, in time; and give it all the time you need. Life, like Demeter, will embrace you when it is time for you to rise. Lots of people have suggested support groups for people who have been through this. If you cannot find one, call your local United Way or Catholic Charities (they make no discrimination as to faith.) They will have the resources. We are here, and when you are ready to rise we too will embrace you. In face, we embrace you now to help pull you from Hell. Blessed be. Baha > I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > > It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... <amazing words> Baha, you amaze me. The abuse you have suffered has not ground you down, instead it has polished you spirit like sand polishes a diamond. Your soul shines with the brightness of a star. The wisdom you've acquired, and more importantly, are so willing to share with us, is astounding. Blessed by you too, Baha! Hugs, CatNipped ><amazing words> > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > >Blessed by you too, Baha! Seconded .... heavens, why has my monitor gone all blurry? SignatureCathi Arrggghhhh! I hate it when I try to write something moving and I mess it all up with typos!!! Try this... Baha, you amaze me. The abuse you have suffered has not ground you down, instead it has polished your spirit like sand polishes a diamond. Your soul shines with the brightness of a star. The wisdom you've acquired, and more importantly, are so willing to share with us, is astounding. Blessed be you too, Baha! Hugs, CatNipped > Arrggghhhh! I hate it when I try to write something moving and I mess it > all up with typos!!! Try this... [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > CatNipped You didn't need to repost it because of typos. We all make typos (especailly me as new computer doesn't seem to have a spill chucker.) The only thing that's important is that we understand what each other is saying. Tweed > You didn't need to repost it because of typos. We all make typos > (especailly me as new computer doesn't seem to have a spill chucker.) > The only thing that's important is that we understand what each other is > saying. > > Tweed Thanks Tweed, I know, but when it's something important that I want to say, and I read it back with typos in it that make it sound less compelling, I just cringe!!! It seems my fingers are as dyslexic as my brain and twice as schtooopid!!!!! Hugs, CatNipped > Arrggghhhh! I hate it when I try to write something moving and I mess it > all up with typos!!! Try this... [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > > Blessed be you too, Baha! Thanks! And if someone has been blessed by me, then I've followed my gut and my faith and I'm all the happier for it. Blessed be. always. Baha > Hugs, > > CatNipped >I'm ovulating this weekend. > [quoted text clipped - 19 lines] > >It's just... an immense hurt. The little things... {{{{{{Grace}}}}}} You're probably going to feel all kinds of things, and that's okay. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to, whenever you need to. If you need to talk, you know we're here for you. If you need to withdraw for awhile, that's okay, too. Regardless, our hearts go out to you and we are here for you. Love, Ginger-lyn |
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