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Choice Words for Metro Riders

By John Kelly

Friday, December 2, 2005; Page C09

Metro paid an advertising agency to come up with its "Sniglets" campaign. I got
you to do the work for free or, at most, for the slim chance that your name
would be in the paper or you might snag a free lunch.

Who, I wonder, paid too much?

If you don't ride a Metro train or bus, you may not have seen the Sniglets,
which are "wacky" words and definitions that are meant to improve behavior among
us straphangers. For example:

" Sumpnspicious : n . unattended package or odd, unusual behavior that is
reported to a bus driver, train operator (via intercom at end of rail car),
station manager or Metro Police at 202-962-2121."

Leaving aside for a moment whether the cutesy-sounding "sumpnspicious" is an
appropriate way to address a possible terrorist attack in the subway, I knew
that you could do better. I asked for neologisms to describe certain annoying
Metro experiences. Here are my favorites:

The feeling you get when the Farecard machine repeatedly rejects every bill in
your wallet:
indollarable -- J amie S.
billfuddled -- Peg B.
unpresidented -- Joe G.
billimic -- Kevin D.
fareannoyed -- Howard W.

The act of pretending to be asleep, with your briefcase on the seat beside you,
so no one will sit next to you:
SamsoNight -- Justin B.
narcoklepsy -- Kevin D.
usurpossuming -- Mary Kay A.
bull-dozing -- Seth B.. (first among many others). Seth also added
sleepbensraum, the free space you hope to achieve by bull-dozing.

The smelly, scary and manifestly unpleasant person who sits next to you anyway:
scummuter -- Stephen D.
Metroll -- Sam H.

A person who stands to the left on an escalator, blocking commuters behind him.
escaloiter -- Jamie S.
impedestrian -- Steve W.
tourist -- Christine A.

A bus rider who opens the window when you want it closed or closes it when you
want it open:
contrairian -- Sidney S. (first among many others)
windowpain -- Steve F.

And Now, a Few Words From You-

I invited readers to submit their own words and definitions that get to the
peculiar joys and sorrows of riding public transportation in Washington. My
favorites:

uncranny: the ability to stuff a large newspaper so far into the narrow slit
between the window seat and the train car's wall that it is hardly visible. --
Sidney S.

dingbrat: the annoying person who wedges him/herself into a Metro car at the
very last minute, delaying everyone, long after the "Ding-DING . . . Doors
closing" has sounded. -- Patricia A. L.
metronumb: dazed by Metro's ding-dong chimes. -- Hank W.

adenoying: sleeping on a train with your mouth wide open and snoring.  Judith C.

aisle-y cat: a standing passenger who resists herding to the center of a
Metrorail car to relieve crowding in the doorway. -- Art S.

iClods: headphone-wearing riders who seem unaware that their volume is turned up
so loud others can identify the song. -- Justin B.

touristerol: clumps of tourists that hinder circulation at train doors, on
platforms and especially on the narrow arteries of escalators. -- Mike C.
limbnast: a person who dashes onto the train using his arms or legs to force
back the closing doors. -- Hazel E. W.

Finally, Phil F. is my grand prize winner for his neologism describing the joy
we feel in other's pain when the Metro train door closes on them: shutonfreude.

Suz once emailed me a similar list.  The two lists mostly overlapped,
but yours was missing my favorite one, which was:

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a redneck.