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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / November 2005Another Venting (OT)
Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? I just love the way they all talk about me like I'm a stray dog or cat (no offense to the stray dogs and cats in the world). Mom just called. "Your brother says he can't take you" (meaning, I can't move in with him). I never asked to move in with him in the first place! But they are all plotting and planning my life behind my back and then calling to tell me about it. Last week I was informed I could store my furniture in my oldest brothers garage. (There is a reason I don't associate with my oldest brother, the least of which is if I stored my stuff at his place I'd come back and find half of it missing.) All this plotting and planning and then calling to tell me what I will and won't do is driving me nuts. Oh, and I've been told I can't move to (around, not in with) where my parents live because "Dad doesn't want you here." Isn't that nice? Anyone wonder why I haven't seen them in 5 years? Yeah, yeah, I know. He's 81, she'll be 80 in January... mend fences, all that. They are the ones erecting the damn fences. I haven't asked for much in my life, really. After my divorce 21 years ago I moved back in, briefly. I was 24... Dad decided I was 14 and I couldn't get phone calls from anyone after 9PM. Excuse me? One night (early) a man called me and Dad answered. As he handed the phone to me he said, "It's that SHITHEAD." When I got off the phone I was shaking with rage. I said, "You had no idea who that was on the phone. My supervisor is a man. My manager is a man. It could have been either one of them on the phone and you just embarrassed the hell out of me." I had my own phone line installed. Anyway, for the last week Dad has been calling me daily, asking me if I've applied to take some of the jobs the Katrina evacuees are leaving. Um, what makes him think they are leaving? CNN says so. Really? Where are they going? "Well, FEMA isn't going to pay their rent anymore" says he. If they moved up here because their house and/or workplace was destroyed, what, exactly can they go back to? He just knows they are leaving. Ha. Now, he's putting the onus on my LLL. They want *him* to store my furniture somewhere over near where he lives (northwest Arkansas) and find me a job. Um, excuse me. He's been a freelance artist for 35 years. He works for himself. How could he possibly find me a job?! He's been supporting me for the better part of a year as it is! It's not that I haven't been looking. I've got headhunters looking; I'm listed on several job sites. Some people in this ng have been so kind as to send me information and advice. I'd like to find a job in a shop and just go and come home and not worry much about it in between. I was dreaming about my last job every night (heck, I still dream about it; it's no wonder I don't sleep well). I'd wake up and feel like I never left. My family is *not* being helpful by calling me every day to tell me how bad things are or how bad things are going to get. I'm under enough stress already, you know? It's no wonder I get sick all the dang time. It's funny, I'm not answering my phone, not because of bill collectors (my bills are under control) but because it might be my parents calling to rain more doom and gloom over me and tell me how f'd up my life is. (sigh) Thanks for letting me vent. At least I have Persia and Peaches and my LLL <G> and you kind people. Jill I used to have an answering machine that you could set to only answer calls from certain numbers. With whatever message you chose. I'm not sure how long I could remain civil with this kind of harassment going on. I know they are your parents. I know they are getting old. And I suspect the one doing most of the calling isn't all there anymore. But after a while that all doesn't make it any easier to take. I remember all to well the stage my MIL went through when her mind started to go. She had always been sort of a trouble maker and tale teller. But it got far worse. Telling lies to both Charlie and to his sister trying to start fights between them. After one particularly bad bout, I called my sister-in-law about the most recent supposed event. I reminded her that she had grown up with Charlie and knew him very well. Explained that he hadn't changed. And was in no way even capable of treating his mother the way she claimed or saying the things to her that she was reporting. One of her more outlandish claims was that she wanted to come and live with us because I was nicer to her and treated her better than her daughter did. This from a woman who had been trying to trash my marriage and alienate my kids for twenty years. Jo > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 67 lines] > > Jill Boy, Jill, can I relate..... First off, don't let anyone try and tell you that you should mend fences. If they're not nice folks, they're not nice folks regardless of their age. My father was an absolute b*s*a#d. Seriously, a "Jim Jones" sort. He could convince you the sky was green and make you feel guilty for thinking it was blue!! I was in college before I started getting the balls to call him on some of his more outrageous stuff. The last straw was when he tried to keep me from telling Mom about his screwing around because it would upset her!!! Anyhow, the last words I spoke to him were cuss words (he was cussing at me too!). He died in 1992 and you know what...I don't feel the least bit guilty for not mending fences...He wasn't a nice person. I hope he understands now about how awful a person he was but that's about all I feel.... I, too, had to move back in with my mother and grandmother after I lost my job in 1991 and Mom tried that "14 year old" thing on me too. One day, I had just had enough. I was going out to a movie and she wanted to know the usual (where was I going and when I would be back). I snapped and told her I was going up to the corner bar, picking up the first cute guy I saw and would be back for breakfast!!! Grandma laughed, Mom's mouth dropped open and I left!!! Anyhow, shortly after that, I broke down and took a job in southern CA. So I do know where you are coming from and can really sympathize...hang in there!!! --Kim >Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > >Jill > Boy, Jill, can I relate..... > [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > nice person. I hope he understands now about how awful a person he > was but that's about all I feel.... I agree here. Some people aren't worth the trouble. Yes, family is important, but you have to take care of yourself first. Sometimes that means cutting ties with family in order to keep yourself sane.  Signaturemonique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca >Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > >Jill (((((((((Jill)))))))))))) Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com Make Levees, Not War Gawd, Jill, that really sucks. Parents can be such a pain and it seems like the older they get, the more cantankerous they get. My dad has often called me a loser and said my life would never amount to anything. It's horribly upsetting. Right now, the *only* way I can have a relationship with them is by email. Phoning doesn't work because you don't have that buffer of being able to wait out your strong emotional reaction before replying. I visit every 18 months to 2 years. This will turn into every 3 years as soon as we move to Australia. I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. It is the way it is. Just don't get into it with them. Say "thank you, but I've got it under control" and make an excuse to get off the phone. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you to get a job asap. Hugs and purrs, -- Britta "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." -- Unknown Check out pictures of Vino at: http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > move in with him). I never asked to move in with him in the first > place! But they are all plotting and planning my life behind my back > and then calling to tell me about it. Last week I was informed I > could store my furniture in my oldest brothers garage. (There is a > reason I don't associate with my oldest brother, the least of which > is if I stored my stuff at his place I'd come back and find half of > it missing.) All this plotting and planning and then calling to tell > me what I will and won't do is driving me nuts. > [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > know. He's 81, she'll be 80 in January... mend fences, all that. > They are the ones erecting the damn fences. I haven't asked for much > in my life, really. > > After my divorce 21 years ago I moved back in, briefly. I was 24... > Dad decided I was 14 and I couldn't get phone calls from anyone after > 9PM. Excuse me? One night (early) a man called me and Dad answered. > As he handed the phone to me he said, "It's that SHITHEAD." When I > got off the phone I was shaking with rage. I said, "You had no idea > who that was on the phone. My supervisor is a man. My manager is a > man. It could have been either one of them on the phone and you just > embarrassed the hell out of me." I had my own phone line installed. > [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Now, he's putting the onus on my LLL. They want *him* to store my > furniture somewhere over near where he lives (northwest Arkansas) and > find me a job. Um, excuse me. He's been a freelance artist for 35 > years. He works for himself. How could he possibly find me a job?! > He's been supporting me for the better part of a year as it is! > > It's not that I haven't been looking. I've got headhunters looking; > I'm listed on several job sites. Some people in this ng have been so > kind as to send me information and advice. I'd like to find a job in > a shop and just go and come home and not worry much about it in > between. I was dreaming about my last job every night (heck, I still > dream about it; it's no wonder I don't sleep well). I'd wake up and > feel like I never left. [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > > Jill maybe it's time you told them a few home truths. ie, i'm grown up now, don't need your interference, so stop harrassing me. Ring to say that it's raining, not order me around. If they get offended at that, don't waste your time feeling guilty, just enjoy the peace while it lasts. we just moved 1000km away from our families to prevent my husband being driven insane for the rest of his life by interfering family (even though with good intentions, interfering is interfering) His sister has just moved to England for the same reason. She is 27 and unmarried because of their interference in her relationships. She is moving so she is free to this time marry the man she loves, without anyone telling her she can't. We are so proud of her for that! Get a caller ID phone, and don't answer unless you want to. If they want to leave depressing messages, they can, but you don't have to listen to them. Stop feeling guilty and start being selfish. SignatureThere are many intelligent species in the Universe. They are all owned by cats. Anonymous One cat just leads to another. -Ernest Hemingway > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > > Jill <snip vent> > Thanks for letting me vent. At least I have Persia and Peaches and my LLL > <G> and you kind people. I'm sorry you're having to go through this, Jill. Wish I could do more than send you hugs and purrs. SignatureMarina, Frank, Miranda and Caliban. In loving memory of Nikki. marina (dot) kurten (at) iki (dot) fi Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/ and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 55 lines] > > Jill ((((((((((((Jill))))))))))))) > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 60 lines] > > Jill I don't know why you put OT, I didn't think venting on this group was OT ;o) Purrs for you to get a job that you love and your family to realize you're an adult. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy and Bagheera) A House is not a home, without a cat. http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? > [quoted text clipped - 13 lines] > Oh, and I've been told I can't move to (around, not in with) where my > parents live because "Dad doesn't want you here." Isn't that nice? Who said that? Anyone > wonder why I haven't seen them in 5 years? Yeah, yeah, I know. He's 81, > she'll be 80 in January... mend fences, all that. They are the ones [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > > Jill Have I missed something and you are about to be made homeless? Tweed (confused) >> Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? >> [quoted text clipped - 15 lines] > > Who said that? My mom said that. I floated the idea several weeks back when they started bugging me about needing to leave my apartment. They are elderly, shouldn't be driving. They are eating crappy food out of cans and frozen food when they are both supposed to eat a certain way due to their health. So I said I could move down there, find a cheap place, run errands for them, take them to the doctor, etc. and cook healthy meals for them. "Absolutely not, he doesn't want you here" was what Mom said last night. >> It's not that I haven't been looking. I've got headhunters looking; >> I'm listed on several job sites. I should also have mentioned I'm sending out resumes and applying at retail stores as well. I can't force someone to give me a job. >> My family is *not* being helpful by calling me every day to tell me >> how bad [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > Tweed (confused) They seem to think so. They are on this kick of how I have to move out of my apartment and find somewhere else to live. They also seem to think I should store all my furniture *somewhere* and move in with my brother (although by now he's tired of them telling him he has to take in his poor, wayward sister). Their first suggestion was I should sell everything. Hello? Now does that make any sense? So when I get a job and move back out, I have absolutely *nothing*, like some college kid putting a board on some milk-crates to act as a table? This whole thing is making me physically ill. I had nightmares all last night about my old job and about my family making me GO somewhere I didn't want to go. (sigh) I'm exhausted. Jill I'm not going to snip, but see below >>> Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? >>> [quoted text clipped - 66 lines] > > Jill If you can afford to stay in your apartment, then stay in it. Independence is all. I'm lucky to have my job after all the health problems I've had recently and all the time I've had off sick what with the eyes and the cancer stuff but working for local government, it's illegal for my employer not to support me in a return to work and indeed I'm now back and pulling my weight. I wish so much you could get a job that would suit you, Jill. I'm a nightmare sufferer myself, so I know what that's like. Nightmares are about conflict and fear. You won't get rid of your nightmares until your family ease up on you about something you cannot do anything about, and you need to tell them this. It would also help if you convinced yourself that you are a big girl now, can run your own life, and what your family say doesn't matter. Now that is hard ;-) Tweed Lots and lots of purrs and best wishes for you to find a great job really soon, Jill, and for your parents to become more supportive of you, Polonca and Soncek > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? <snip> jmcquown @ jmcquown@bellsouth.net > Too bad you can't choose your family, eh? [fambly enragement snipped] Hang in there. Is it possible that early alzheimer's &/or small strokes are affecting their reasoning? SignatureCliologist, Philanthropologist, Prothonotary Wibbler, Paleoconservative, Surface Warrior Squid; Life is like a Lizard: Work, Sleep, Eat bugs > Hang in there. Is it possible that early alzheimer's &/or small strokes are > affecting their reasoning? That thought occurred to me too. Especially considering their ages and the fact they keep returning to a theme. Good luck Jill. Diane > jmcquown @ jmcquown@bellsouth.net > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > Hang in there. Is it possible that early alzheimer's &/or small > strokes are affecting their reasoning? I truly believe my father is suffering from early alzheimer's. There are simple concepts (such as storing my furniture in a garage in this climate would RUIN it) he can't seem to grasp. I also believe were he not calling the shots, my mom wouldn't be taking the stand she's taking. She's much more cognizant than he but she never was able to really stand up to him. Jill |
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