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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / September 2004Help: Terrible nightmares about my beloved RB cat!
I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely vivid dreams that are highly realistic and strong. Therefore when I have nightmares, they are doozeys. My lovely Vanilla and I were together 18 years and she died in my arms, of a heart attack, about 5 years ago. She has a special place in my heart, even though I now enjoy the company of a wonderful big orange fuzzball, "RJ". In my recurring dreams (and I have them about twice a month), I'm back in my childhood home of nearly 50 years ago. And in the dream, I suddenly realize, much to my horror, that I've somehow "forgotten" Vanilla all this time and had callously abandoned her, without a second thought, leaving her alone, unloved, and maybe even unfed! upstairs in my folk's house, without any way of her to get love and petting from me, let alone food or water. In real life, of course, we were constant companions and never had ill times, and naturally I'd left my childhood home a good 30 years before I even rescued Vanilla as a kitten. And of course, I was never hurtful or thougtless to her, ever. Nevertheless, these dreams are completely vivid and intense. And I'm at the old home, and I suddenly realize that I've "forgotten" Vanilla and have left her to starve to death! So I run upstairs, calling for her over and over again. The emotion is immense and the terror is crushing. In my dream I'm crying and sobbing in anguish at what I've somehow done. Many times I cannot find her. Sometimes I find her and she'd dead! Or sometimes she's very weak and ill (having been neglected by me all this time), and is dying. I can only tell you that the dream is a terrible nightmare, and when I finally awaken, I'm shaking with emotion for a long time afterward. Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? Thanks. > I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved > Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely > vivid dreams that are highly realistic and strong. Therefore when I > have nightmares, they are doozeys. > Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you > tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? There are some places and even groups that talk about dreams (I've looked in on alt.dreams.lucid for example). There could be any number of explanations, one being a sense of guilt over Vanilla, misplaced though that would be. Another could be that Vanilla is a stand-in for some other animal, person or even treasured thing. For example years ago I had a recurrent dream in which I had "forgotten" a real-estate property I owned and was losing it. Since I knew what I really owned the "forgotten" property was meant some other "ignored" part of my life - the dream disappeared after several months so I must've resolved the issue. Whatever. The meaning of any dream is subjective, regardless of the symbols or archetypes espoused many years ago. Anecdote: when I took my first psych course decades ago I read that tall buildings with many setbacks and ledges symbolized the female body. That night I dreamed I was in/on the Empire State Building. No latent ambitions or desires there, heh! Norm (not especially a "King Kong" fan) -- Windows is to security what fishnet bikinis are to modesty <anon >I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved >Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely >vivid dreams that are highly realistic and strong. Therefore when I >have nightmares, they are doozeys. ---------------------<snip>---------------------- I don't want to get too personal, but anyone who described having very vivid dreams would get the same advice. I have had trouble with vivid and unpleasant dreams which continued till my doctor and I agreed upon a change of drugs. Not that I'm saying you take any or need any, but I believe you might broach the subject with your doctor next time you see him or her. I myself need several types of psychoactive drugs to keep the old brain chemistry in balance, and it's just one of those things. There was a time when admitting that one's brain needed a chemical boost on a regular basis was seen as a sign of 'weakness'. Fortunately, that is no longer the case in civilized company. Regards and Purrs, O J (Old John) Gritmon > I myself need several types of psychoactive drugs to keep the old > brain chemistry in balance, and it's just one of those things. There [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > Regards and Purrs, > O J (Old John) Gritmon On the contrary now. Acknowledging that something is wrong, and working to make it right, is very brave and honest and should be seen as a sign of strength! Hugs, CatNipped > >I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved > >Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely [quoted text clipped - 17 lines] > Regards and Purrs, > O J (Old John) Gritmon Thanks for the suggestion. I however am taking no medication of any kind, nor do I use recreational drugs (a few beers on occasion but no heavy drinking), and my doctor says I'm fine. I've ALWAYS had vivid and deep, realistic dreams, of immense variation and plot. This means that when I have nightmares they just get terrible, that's all. Now on the other hand, last night I dreamed I was asked by a friend to help conduct the University of Texas student orchestra, because he was busy. So I did, leading them in rehearsing Saint-Saena's Symphony #3. And in my dream I heard the 1st movement, the strings beginning, a saw the music in the rehearsal score. > Now on the other hand, last night I dreamed I was asked by a friend to > help conduct the University of Texas student orchestra, because he was > busy. So I did, leading them in rehearsing Saint-Saena's Symphony #3. > And in my dream I heard the 1st movement, the strings beginning, a saw > the music in the rehearsal score. Aren't music dreams WONDERFUL? I've never dreamed of conducting, but I sometimes dream I'm hearing a song or symphonic piece I know, and in the dream, I can hear it clearly and perfectly, as though someone is playing it in the room. My emotional response to the song is always incredibly intense, as though I've never heard anything more beautiful or meaningful in my life. Usually this happens with a song I already like (I've never had a dream about music I hate - now that would be a nightmare :)), but in the song, I *LOVE* it, I'm enraptured by it, and it feels really emotionally deep and meaningful, as though I'm having a deep spiritual revelation. It's just amazing. Anyone else have music dreams? Joyce > > Now on the other hand, last night I dreamed I was asked by a friend to > > help conduct the University of Texas student orchestra, because he was [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Joyce Hm. I'm a musician and I still have yet to have a music dream. I have dreamed TWICE in the last few weeks that I am Johnny Depp's best friend. What do you suppose THAT means? > Hm. I'm a musician and I still have yet to have a music dream. I have > dreamed TWICE in the last few weeks that I am Johnny Depp's best friend. > What do you suppose THAT means? Karen, I don't think it's rocket science. <eg> Joyce >> > Now on the other hand, last night I dreamed I was asked by a friend to >> > help conduct the University of Texas student orchestra, because he was [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > dreamed TWICE in the last few weeks that I am Johnny Depp's best friend. > What do you suppose THAT means? That is really strange because I dreamed I was John Travolta's best friend. I don't think it was because I have the hots for him- although I have enjoyed some of his movies thru the years he has never been my type-- and he even introduced me to his wife (in the dream. She made us lemonade to drink by the pool). I'm also not very celebrity fixated. It was just darn strange. If you and Johnny want to ever hang out with John and I you're more than welcome to come over. John has a wonderful swimming pool. :-)  SignatureMargaret Fine mefine@mindspring.com > That is really strange because I dreamed I was John Travolta's best > friend... > If you and Johnny want to ever hang out with John and I you're more than > welcome to come over. John has a wonderful swimming pool. :-) Can I bring Kathy Bates? :) I had a dream that she was teaching a course I was taking, and we became friends. And it wasn't even an acting course, it was an art course. LOL, Joyce > > That is really strange because I dreamed I was John Travolta's best > > friend... [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > LOL, > Joyce Oh sure Joyce, bring Kathy! :-) I'm sure John's wife will make enough lemonade for everyone! SignatureMargaret Fine mefine@mindspring.com >>> That is really strange because I dreamed I was John Travolta's best >>> friend... [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] > Oh sure Joyce, bring Kathy! :-) I'm sure John's wife will make enough > lemonade for everyone! This could turn into a pretty darn good time! >>>> Now on the other hand, last night I dreamed I was asked by a friend to >>>> help conduct the University of Texas student orchestra, because he was [quoted text clipped - 30 lines] > If you and Johnny want to ever hang out with John and I you're more than > welcome to come over. John has a wonderful swimming pool. :-) LOL!!! Will do. It is strange. I very much admire Johnny Depp and his talent. I think he is handsome, but it's not "the hots" either. And the dreams are very much like friendships I had in college, just really best pals, buddies, and friends. They *are* very pleasant which is nice. >Hm. I'm a musician and I still have yet to have a music dream. I have >dreamed TWICE in the last few weeks that I am Johnny Depp's best friend. >What do you suppose THAT means? BEST FRIEND? Girl, you were *dreaming*-- go for broke! Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com alt.tv.frasier FAQ: http://www.im-listening.net/FAQ/ > >Hm. I'm a musician and I still have yet to have a music dream. I have > >dreamed TWICE in the last few weeks that I am Johnny Depp's best friend. > >What do you suppose THAT means? > > BEST FRIEND? Girl, you were *dreaming*-- go for broke! I *know*. But it was like super best friends. I once dreamed I was romantically involved wiht David Caruso *and I don't care for him at all!!* (although in the dream I was really happy). Life is not fair and apparently neither are dreams. > I *know*. But it was like super best friends. I once dreamed I was > romantically involved wiht David Caruso *and I don't care for him > at all!!* Ewwwww! :) > (although in the dream I was really happy). Life is not fair and > apparently neither are dreams. I guess not! There must be some authority you can write to about this... Joyce >> >Hm. I'm a musician and I still have yet to have a music dream. I have >> >dreamed TWICE in the last few weeks that I am Johnny Depp's best friend. [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >I *know*. But it was like super best friends. I once dreamed I was >romantically involved wiht David Caruso *and I don't care for him at all!!* Oh please. If he rips his sunglasses off, tilts his head, and squints one more time, I will scream. :P Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com alt.tv.frasier FAQ: http://www.im-listening.net/FAQ/ >>>> Hm. I'm a musician and I still have yet to have a music dream. I have >>>> dreamed TWICE in the last few weeks that I am Johnny Depp's best friend. [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com > alt.tv.frasier FAQ: http://www.im-listening.net/FAQ/ I know. It's like a permanent twitch. >Aren't music dreams WONDERFUL? I've never dreamed of conducting, but I >sometimes dream I'm hearing a song or symphonic piece I know, and in the [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > >Joyce I've had one or two, but I have a weird thing that happens when I am *very* tired. I hear like a radio station in my head. All kinds of different music, none of it familiar. Wish I could write some of it down! Ginger-lyn Yeah, yeah, we all *knew* she was weird ;-) >I've had one or two, but I have a weird thing that happens when I am >*very* tired. I hear like a radio station in my head. All kinds of >different music, none of it familiar. Wish I could write some of it >down! > >Ginger-lyn Now that's weird, Ginger-Lyn. The brain is amazing, isn't it. I used to hear music in my head at night, too. Only it was 60's oldies music, we lived a block from a very powerful radio station (anyone get KOMA?). Anyway, the ceiling fan in the bedroom was acting as a receptor, and the music was coming from there. You could also hear it when you stuck your head in the refrigerator. I thought I was going nuts the first night in that house. "Help. My refrigerator is playing "Hanky Panky" and I don't know what it's trying to tell me." Sherry Sherry sriddles@aol.comkitty (Sherry ) had some very interesting things to say about Re: music dreams: >>I've had one or two, but I have a weird thing that happens when I am >>*very* tired. I hear like a radio station in my head. All kinds of [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >I was going nuts the first night in that house. "Help. My refrigerator is >playing "Hanky Panky" and I don't know what it's trying to tell me." I once picked up radio on my fillings. When I reported this to my dentist [I knew him from church, which was one reason I picked him as a dentist :-)], he said he'd gotten similar reports from other patients. Signature"The universe is quite robust in design and appears to be doing just fine on its own, incompetent support staff notwithstanding. :-)" - the Dennis formerly known as (evil), MCFL > we lived a block from a very powerful radio station (anyone get > KOMA?). Anyway, the ceiling fan in the bedroom was acting as a > receptor, and the music was coming from there. You > could also > hear it when you stuck your head in the refrigerator. I thought > I was going nuts the first night in that house. "Help. My refrigerator is > playing "Hanky Panky" and I don't know what it's trying to tell me." Time to put on your tin foil hat. :) Joyce >>I've had one or two, but I have a weird thing that happens when I am >>*very* tired. I hear like a radio station in my head. All kinds of [quoted text clipped - 11 lines] >playing "Hanky Panky" and I don't know what it's trying to tell me." >Sherry It was probably a Condiment Party! (cf. "The Far Side") ;) Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com alt.tv.frasier FAQ: http://www.im-listening.net/FAQ/ >Now that's weird, Ginger-Lyn. The brain is amazing, isn't it. I used to hear >music in my head at night, too. Only it was 60's oldies music, we lived a block [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > >Sherry ROFLMAO!! Ginger-lyn >Now on the other hand, last night I dreamed I was asked by a friend to >help conduct the University of Texas student orchestra, because he was >busy. So I did, leading them in rehearsing Saint-Saena's Symphony #3. >And in my dream I heard the 1st movement, the strings beginning, a saw >the music in the rehearsal score. That's the unfortunuately nicknamed "Organ" symphony-- not as unfortunately nicknamed as Haydn's "Little Organ Mass" ;) Can't hear that piece anymore without thinking of "Babe." ;) Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com alt.tv.frasier FAQ: http://www.im-listening.net/FAQ/ > That's the unfortunuately nicknamed "Organ" symphony-- not as > unfortunately nicknamed as Haydn's "Little Organ Mass" ;) > > Can't hear that piece anymore without thinking of "Babe." ;) I probably should be glad I've never seen "Babe"! I remember the Haydn--have played organ for it a couple of times.... Its official title is Mass of St. John of God. I have had some strange music dreams over the years--I had one the other night that I was playing for some humongous wedding, and when it came time for the processional, the music was nowhere to be found. Another time, I dreamt that I had to substitute at short notice for my major professor in an organ recital, and had to sight-read everything. I was preparing for a degree recital at the time.... To go back to the original topic--I very rarely have dreams about departed cats. Wish I would have them a little more often! David >Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you >tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? > >Thanks. I"m a bit of a practical sort, but I think you still miss Vanilla very much; and when the brain is on overload, and you go to sleep, those latent little thoughts you're not even aware of in waking hours just come out. I don't think dreams are warnings, or anything to worry about. Others would disagree probably, but if I did take 'em seriously I'd probably be visiting a psychiatrist. Because I always have this dream where I'm back in high school, naked, facing a huge test, and I don't have a pencil. Not having the pencil is the primary worry in the dream. Being naked is rather incidental. How come when you're naked in a dream, nobody seems to notice? Sherry > >Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you >>tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > school, > naked, facing a huge test, and I don't have a pencil. Me too!! > Not having the pencil is > the primary worry in the dream. Being naked is rather incidental. How come > when > you're naked in a dream, nobody seems to notice? I know, isn't that rather insulting!! ;> Hugs, CatNipped > >Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you > >tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] > > Sherry Yes. I do miss Vanilla still, and often see her photo on my shelf (with her ashes). So maybe this dream is simply a leftover of my love for her and how much I miss her. Thanks for the kind words. > I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved > Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely > vivid dreams that are highly realistic and strong. Therefore when I > have nightmares, they are doozeys. If I take too much of certain medications I will have very vivid, bordering on nightmare dreams. There is a possible way to get rid of this particular dream if it is coming too often. I had to do it after a car accident that reliving it was taking over my life. I went to a therapist who used a process similar to hypnosis to redirect my train of thought when ever the accident would intrude. That instead I would switch to thinking about a place I enjoyed as a child. May all you dreams be happy ones, or at least properly entertaining. Jo >> I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved >> Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] >If I take too much of certain medications I will have very vivid, bordering >on nightmare dreams. This also happens when going off, or reducing one's dosage of some medications, too. When I stopped taking an MAOI a couple of years ago-- yowza. I was seeing people and things I hadn't seen since infancy. Theresa Stinky Pictures: http://community.webshots.com/album/125591586JWEFwh My Blog: http://www.humanitas.blogspot.com alt.tv.frasier FAQ: http://www.im-listening.net/FAQ/ >If I take too much of certain medications I will have very vivid, bordering >on nightmare dreams. [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > >Jo EMDR? Ginger-lyn >> There is a possible way to get rid of this particular dream if >> it is coming too often. I had to do it after a car accident that [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > > EMDR? That's what I thought, too. I tried that a couple of times - did nothing for me. But I'm thinking that maybe the person I did it with didn't know what she was doing. Sometime I'd like to try it again. I actually don't mind having nightmares. I mean, if I had horrible ones night after night, causing me to lose sleep and develop anxiety and stress, that would certainly be a problem. But if I occasionally have an intense bad dream, I actually find it fascinating rather than upsetting. Such dreams tell me a lot about myself. I have a lot of recurring dreams, too - sort of "theme dreams" that I get sometimes 2 or 3 times a month over a period of many months or even a few years. When that happens, the dream usually progresses over time, with certain things happening slightly differently each time, often moving toward some kind of resolution. I think it's an interesting process. Well, interesting to me, anyway. I have discovered that nobody else is as fascinated by my dreams as I am. :) Joyce > >> There is a possible way to get rid of this particular dream if > >> it is coming too often. I had to do it after a car accident that [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > >Joyce I have had dreams like that years ago. Speaking fo fascinating dreams, I once related such a dream to an acquaintence; and before i was half through, I could see utter boredom on her face and she was edging away from me! :-D I quickly took the hint and never did that again. My dreams are my own, the mirror of my psyche. -- CATherine >I have had dreams like that years ago. Speaking fo fascinating dreams, >I once related such a dream to an acquaintence; and before i was half >through, I could see utter boredom on her face and she was edging away >from me! :-D I quickly took the hint and never did that again. My >dreams are my own, the mirror of my psyche. Don't know what it was about the last place of work, but I would dream about it (or people in it) pretty much every night. It got to the stage that if I was to say "I had a really weird dream last night" (and they usually were weird) people would change the topic of conversation! I still dream about it now and then, having been gone for three years. The current job hardly ever features at all. SignatureCathi Cathi <Cathi@nospamplease.seasalter0.demon.co.uk> had some very interesting things to say about Re: Terrible nightmares about my beloved RB cat!: >Don't know what it was about the last place of work, but I would dream >about it (or people in it) pretty much every night. It got to the stage >that if I was to say "I had a really weird dream last night" (and they >usually were weird) people would change the topic of conversation! I >still dream about it now and then, having been gone for three years. >The current job hardly ever features at all. I spent the weekend dreaming about my current temp assignment. [Dreams weren't unpleasant.] Signature"The universe is quite robust in design and appears to be doing just fine on its own, incompetent support staff notwithstanding. :-)" - the Dennis formerly known as (evil), MCFL >>I have had dreams like that years ago. Speaking fo fascinating dreams, >>I once related such a dream to an acquaintence; and before i was half [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] >still dream about it now and then, having been gone for three years. >The current job hardly ever features at all. It sounds like that job had a big impact on your life; and not in a good way. Something about the job or the people must have been disturbing you deep down. I am glad you are out of it. Purrs, -- CATherine >>Don't know what it was about the last place of work, but I would dream >>about it (or people in it) pretty much every night. It got to the stage [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] >good way. Something about the job or the people must have been >disturbing you deep down. I am glad you are out of it. Purrs, It did get really annoying towards the end, but the dreaming about the place and its people started right at the beginning of my time there, before it got to be a bad thing. And the dreams were seriously strange! For example: I had to go to work on Christmas Day, but there was nothing about to indicate it was Christmas - I just "knew". Lots of us were there, and a special buffet meal had been laid on. I remember watching a work colleague pile her plate high with merringues. Then we heard some interesting gossip - one of the senior sales staff had been arrested on drugs charges. Then I woke up! SignatureCathi >I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved >Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > >Thanks. I'm sorry this is happening, and I think Norm had some very good advice/comments. I have had some nightmares about RB cats, but they usually only occurred once after their crossing. I figured it was all those messy feelings of grief coming out (guilt, fear, pain, loss). Perhaps you have never fully resolved the grief? If so, if you can find a way to fully resolve it, the nightmares should stop. At any rate, here's hoping they do stop, and you return to happy dreams. Ginger-lyn >> I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved >> Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely [quoted text clipped - 52 lines] > > Ginger-lyn Maybe a tribute page on petloss.com? > I'm sorry this is happening, and I think Norm had some very good > advice/comments. [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Ginger-lyn I didn't get Norm's post, but I think Ginger-lyn has a good idea here. Have you been particularly thinking of or missing Vanilla more than usual lately? I had dreams somewhat similar to what you described for some time after my Mikey died, and I think it was just plain grief that caused them. We're sending you soothing, heart-easing purrs. ------ Krista > > I'm sorry this is happening, and I think Norm had some very good > > advice/comments. [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > ------ > Krista Again, I thank all for the kind words. I lost my beloved younger sister a couple of months ago. That is still in my mind and heart a lot, naturally. So I may be using my grief for my sister as a transfer of feelings onto my Vanilla. I've lost soooo many people who were precious to me. My parents (years ago). And as far as relationships go, my fiancee in 1969, my wife in 1985, my girlfriend in 1998 (all of whom were younger than I). And now my sister just 2 months ago. And of course my Vanilla, preceded by loss of Whiskers and Dupree, all 3 now at RB. Maybe I'm just eager to get there. >>>I'm sorry this is happening, and I think Norm had some very good >>>advice/comments. [quoted text clipped - 34 lines] > > Maybe I'm just eager to get there. Well, please don't rush. You're welcome to hang around in here as long as you want, right guys? And feel free to share any stories you want about Vanilla, Whiskers, Dupree, any of your human family, any current feline masters, etc. Or just hang out. - Denise (owned and manipulated by Brenna) . ..> I've lost soooo many people who were precious to me. My parents (years > ago). And as far as relationships go, my fiancee in 1969, my wife in > 1985, my girlfriend in 1998 (all of whom were younger than I). And now > my sister just 2 months ago. And of course my Vanilla, preceded by > loss of Whiskers and Dupree, all 3 now at RB. > > Maybe I'm just eager to get there. Singer, That certainly adds up to a lot of losses. However, don't be too eager to leave. Maybe your dream is letting you know that you still have unfinished work to do. Please feel welcome to hang out here whenever you feel the need to share. We understand. Annie Singer709 wrote: (snip) > Again, I thank all for the kind words. > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Maybe I'm just eager to get there. I hope you'll hang out with us here for a good long time. Cats are life-embracing little people and your babies would want you to experience all the good in this world, even through all the nasty times, before going home to the Divine Creator and your beloved kitties. You seem a tough fellow, a Viking deep in your gut, and have that kind of deep forbearance. No wonder it's called the Rainbow Bridge, for that place in Viking lore that led to Valhalla. I've had my share of loss too, and I know it's not easy. Don't give up. I come here to tell my Fritzie stories as well as tales of my 3 new babies, because Fritzie was a super cat and I want everyone to know his legacy, how sensitive and spiritual he was. Vanilla's passing was not your fault, nor your other losses. They await you in the heavens and desire your happiness, until you come over that bridge yourself. Stay with us; laugh at our crazy stories, join us in understanding of our own grievings, and know that you are among friends. Blessed be, Baha > Again, I thank all for the kind words. > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Maybe I'm just eager to get there. Your mind has quite a lot to process; I would think that these circumstances could certainly produce nightmares. Don't be in a hurry to leave, though; if your own health is good there's always more to do here. RJ needs you, and we in this newsgroup would certainly enjoy having you join us. ------ Krista > Again, I thank all for the kind words. > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > Maybe I'm just eager to get there. I know exactly how you feel, I lost my grandfather in October 1999, I was with him when he died. Two months later my younger brother commited suicide. Two days later my neighbour and best friend died from a heart attack. Three months after that I lost my cat Smokey, he was nearly 20 years old, I still miss him. Three months after that my cousin died due to medical negligence, she had gone in hospital to have a baby and was given a wrong drug causing the baby to be stillborn and my cousin to die two days later. This was one week before her 21st birthday. Since then I've lost two more cats, Rosie last year and Milo a few weeks ago. Sometimes I feel like joining them. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera) A house is not a home, without a cat. > I know exactly how you feel, I lost my grandfather in October 1999, I > was with him when he died. Two months later my younger brother commited [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > I've lost two more cats, Rosie last year and Milo a few weeks ago. > Sometimes I feel like joining them. {{{{{{{{{{Adrian}}}}}}}}}} Ohmygawd, what a awful run of tragedy for you to endure! Please, please don't feel that way, though. There is *always* hope that things will get better - they usually do. For help coping with depression, please read "A Letter to Young Women in Trouble" http://www.gcmensa.org/ALetter.asp (it's not just for women - it's the story of when I attempted suicide and what I did to overcome the depression). Hugs, CatNipped > {{{{{{{{{{Adrian}}}}}}}}}} Ohmygawd, what a awful run of tragedy for > you to endure! Please, please don't feel that way, though. There is [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > > CatNipped Thank you, I've printed it out and will read it later. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera) A house is not a home, without a cat. I've had variations of this, and they're all horrific. They all involved my Fritzie, who has now crossed over himself, and usually were about him getting out of the house and disappearing, or having some horrible death through my neglect. During those years I was alone with Fritzie as my constant companion. Even my boyfriend rarely stopped by. My family had disowned me because I had threatened to take my father and brother's abuse public by calling first the sherriffs, then the news. I had gone from a comfortable suburban life to being dirt-poor and doing cheap telemarketing jobs or home-health care, sometimes both at once. Some weeks I went without to make sure Fritzie was cared for. My nightmares were either about going to my father's house to retrieve him before something happened; for, as do many abusers, he held the cat over me and threatened to harm him to have his way with me, though the reality was my father liked him. Or else it was of simply losing him through an unlocked door or open window. I'd search like hell, most of the time find him. I always woke up shaking and sweating. I came to realize it meant to me that I had issues of loss to deal with: losing the family, losing any sense of love either from others or simply for myself, and losing self-respect. That helped, though the nightmares did not stop until Fritzie had crossed over, because we knew he'd gone to where he'd be eternally cared for until we meet again. Blessed be, Baha > I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved > Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > > Thanks. > My nightmares were either about going to my father's house to retrieve him > before something happened; for, as do many abusers, he held the cat over > me and threatened to harm him to have his way with me, though the reality > was my father liked him. Are you saying you had nightmares about your father threatening to harm him, or that he really DID threaten to harm him (causing you to have the nightmares about it later)? Oh, I hope it wasn't the former! The idea of someone harming an innocent animal in order to cause pain to a person who loves that animal is just unbearable to me. Of course, from your story, it's clear he also harmed innocent humans, so it's not hard to believe he might hurt an animal as well. I'm glad you were able to keep Fritzie out of harm until he passed on. Joyce > > My nightmares were either about going to my father's house to retrieve him > > before something happened; for, as do many abusers, he held the cat over [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > of someone harming an innocent animal in order to cause pain to a person > who loves that animal is just unbearable to me. I'm afraid it was both in nightmares and the waking life. Miro (my father) was one sick person. The kind who used to break my toys and rip my books as a prelude to either physical or sexual assault, until we started keeping animals. The dog, and later Fritzie, became his unfortunate pawns. He didn't abuse them that I could tell, but did threaten to do so in order to have his way. Anyone who reads this, please take note of something. An abuser of women or children will harm, or threaten to harm, their pets as a control measure. Please let those you love know this; and if anyone you know is in this situation, PLEASE encourage them to get help. In the USA the United Way, Salvation Army and Catholic Charities have resources to help people in such situations. I did not know this when I went through it, and had to escape and cope alone. Fritzie gave me the strength not to do something to harm myself because my first thought was "Who would care for him?" So if you know people who have been in abusive situations, please don't keep it under the rug. Silence enables. Help them now and they won't have the nightmares later. Blessed be, Baha > > > My nightmares were either about going to my father's house to retrieve him > > > before something happened; for, as do many abusers, he held the cat over [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > Baha You are a VERY strong person! Huge hugs. That took a lot of amazing strength to get out of that. And it was very brave of you to tell us about it. You are great! >> Anyone who reads this, please take note of something. An abuser of women >or [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] >> encourage them to get help. In the USA the United Way, Salvation Army and >> Catholic Charities have resources to help people in such situations. Bless you for being so strong and turning out to be a wonderful human being in spite of it all. You are speaking the absolute truth. Abusers use pets as pawns and sometimes the pets are the reason women don't go to shelters--they can't take them there. About 5 years ago we started offering free boarding for pets of women who go to the Women's Haven (battered women shelter). One time a particularly mean husband actually broke into the shelter at night and stole the dog, told her he would kill it if she didn't come back. I can't imagine how frightened this woman was. (It turned out ok AFAIK, the police went and got the dog. She eventually went to Wyoming where her parents were. I lost track after that) Sherry > About 5 years ago we started offering free boarding for pets of women > who go to the Women's Haven (battered women shelter). One time a > particularly mean husband actually broke into the shelter at night and > stole the dog, told her he would kill it if she didn't come back. That's why it's really important to keep the location of a women's shelter a secret. I guess after a while, with people coming and going, it's hard to stop that information from getting around, but I know that most shelters, and the people who work or volunteer there, will not tell anyone, ever, where it is. I'm glad that situation turned out OK. Scary! Joyce >Baha wrote: >>So if you know people who have been in abusive >>situations, please don't keep it under the rug. Silence enables. Help them now >>and they won't have the nightmares later. >You are a VERY strong person! Huge hugs. That took a lot of amazing strength >to get out of that. And it was very brave of you to tell us about it. You >are great! I second that, Baha. I am in awe of your strength. Hugs! Regards and Purrs, O J > >Baha wrote: > [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > Regards and Purrs, > O J I must make a ditto post here; I am awed that someone from such a situation can turn herself into a wonderful person. (((((Baha))))) ------ Krista >> > > My nightmares were either about going to my father's house to > retrieve him [quoted text clipped - 45 lines] > to get out of that. And it was very brave of you to tell us about it. You > are great! Purrs for you and your well being. I hope the SOB who harmed you either died and went to h-ll or jail. Just because they donated the sperm does not make them a real father. Good luck. To make matters worse, Miro was my *adoptive* father. He returned to Poland where he was hailed as a WW2 hero, had a town square named for him, and bought a Mercedes. I'm not worried. His karma will catch up to him someday. To everyone who has offered expressions of support and virtual hugs, many thanks to you all. You guys rock and I love you all. I hope that I may be able to do for you as you have done for me; even a few words of support are like having the hugest cheerleading squad in the world jumping and urging me--or anyone else with trouble in their lives--to move forward and be victorious. You're super! Blessed be! Baha > >> > > My nightmares were either about going to my father's house to > > retrieve him [quoted text clipped - 49 lines] > died and went to h-ll or jail. Just because they donated the sperm does > not make them a real father. Good luck. >I'm afraid it was both in nightmares and the waking life. Miro (my father) was >one sick person. The kind who used to break my toys and rip my books as a prelude [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > >Baha {{{{{Baha}}}}}} I am so sorry you went through all of that, but glad you are here with us now to tell the tale. And thank you for reminding people about that cycle of abuse. It is important to remember and know this. BB, Ginger-lyn > I'm afraid it was both in nightmares and the waking life. Miro > (my father) was one sick person. The kind who used to break my > toys and rip my books as a prelude to either physical or sexual > assault Oh, that is so sad. Frightening, too, I'm sure. And I don't have to guess how this feels - my dad did this kind of thing, too. He never assaulted me sexually, but he did break my stuff and hit me. There's something about someone destroying what you *love* that just destroys your soul. It takes everything that's good and loving and joyful about you and your life, and stomps on it. I find that so heartbreaking, especially when the victim is a child, because then, not only is their joy and love taken away, but also their innocence. > until we started keeping animals. The dog, and later > Fritzie, became his unfortunate pawns. He didn't abuse them that > I could tell, but did threaten to do so in order to have his way. I remember one time, my father threatened to hurt one of our cats. It was the only time he ever made that threat, before or since. My sister and I were terrified. We had a little kitten we'd recently taken in as a stray, and we were crazy about him. My parents were downstairs fighting, and it was after our bedtime, but - surprise, surprise - we were awake and standing in the upstairs hallway, listening. We heard my father make that threat to my mother. My sister and I hid the kitten in my closet, hoping that if my father came upstairs looking for him, he wouldn't be able to find him. But the kitty was young and didn't like being confined, so he was mewing loudly. Fortunately, nothing came of that threat - and thank god, my father never made any such threat again. But it's hard to forget something like that, isn't it? {{{{{Baha}}}}} Joyce I'm so glad you are safe now! It is so hard to get out of a situation like this, but you made it and what is more, by telling your story you inspire other people in a similar situation to leave. Thank you so much! Best wishes, SignaturePolonca & Soncek > I'm afraid it was both in nightmares and the waking life. Miro (my father) was > one sick person. The kind who used to break my toys and rip my books as a prelude [quoted text clipped - 16 lines] > > Baha > I'm afraid it was both in nightmares and the waking life. Miro (my father) was > one sick person. The kind who used to break my toys and rip my books as a prelude > to either physical or sexual assault, until we started keeping animals. The dog, > and later Fritzie, became his unfortunate pawns. He didn't abuse them that I > could tell, but did threaten to do so in order to have his way. That was one thing I don't recall my father ever doing. He did threaten to harm my mother and other sisters, but never the animals. People who threaten to harm others, human or animal, deserve to have the same thing happen to them. Pam S. <snip> > I came to realize it meant to me that I had issues of loss to deal with: > > Blessed be, > > Baha {{{{{{{{{{Baha}}}}}}}}}} It is amazing what you have endured and yet have come through to be the kind, gentle, and loving person you are! Hugs, CatNipped Many hugs to you too, and many thanks. You and everyone else here are just the nicest bunch of people! Blessed be! Baha > <snip> > > I came to realize it meant to me that I had issues of loss to deal with: [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > > CatNipped >I've had variations of this, and they're all horrific. They all involved >my Fritzie, who has now crossed over himself, and usually were about him >getting out of the house and disappearing, or having some horrible death >through my neglect. That's my dream exactly. I also just realized that I had this dream when he was alive as well as after he died. When he was alive I dreamed he'd been hit by a car and killed or almost killed. I also dreamed that he died or was dying through my neglect. I'd leave him at the family house or my old house with no food and water and try so hard to get back to him. I guess I basically have a fear of losing someone dear, animals included. I also now remember that I once paid my sister to sit my house and cat while I was out of the country for three months. I came back a day early to surprise everyone with gifts. I lost my luggage with the gifts after 40 hr flight disaster including emergency landing in Oslo on frozen runway. I arrive at home at 2 a.m. to see my locks changed and my cat is outside with a sore on his back meowing his head off. I break into my own house and it's totalled. My items are wrapped with tags on them. Seems sis destroyed my house, stole from me, flooded the house then my mom changed the locks and kicked her out. Nobody told me so they wouldn't upset me. Now I have great fears of leaving my pets. Thank god I have a great house sitter but I still can't rest until I call her and she says everyone is okay. I'm sure the dreams have something to do with this experience. > >I've had variations of this, and they're all horrific. They all involved > >my Fritzie, who has now crossed over himself, and usually were about him [quoted text clipped - 20 lines] > everyone is okay. I'm sure the dreams have something to do with this > experience. Good God! What a horrible experience!! No wonder you have dreams. >> I've had variations of this, and they're all horrific. They all >> involved my Fritzie, who has now crossed over himself, and usually [quoted text clipped - 22 lines] > until I call her and she says everyone is okay. I'm sure the dreams > have something to do with this experience. What a horrible experience! I can't understand how anyone could behave like that, especially family. I also have bad dreams, sometimes though I have good dreams, then I want to go back to sleep to what happens next. SignatureAdrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera) A house is not a home, without a cat. >>Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you >tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? I have the exact same dream. It's always about my past cat Boots or Lucky. It's sooooo horrible. I'm upset for a few hours in the morning. It's soooo real. I've forgotten my cat for years, left him in an old condo I owned with no food or water. All of a sudden I remember I left him there then run back to get him, obstacles are in my way, sometimes I find him dead or super skinny and I feel so horrible like the worst person in the world. I think we are kind of reliving, feeling the loss of our beloved pet. I just wish it would manifest itself in a better way. I hate those dreams. >I need some advice about a recurring nightmare involving my beloved > Vanilla, now at Rainbow Bridge. So you'll understand, I have extremely [quoted text clipped - 38 lines] > > Thanks. I have had dreams like that too. Sometimes I have a whole shedful of rabbits to care for, and I forget to do them, and when I remember and go, some of them are dying because I didn't look after them, I am filled with remorse, and don't understand why I didn't feed and water them., which is ridiculous because I don't have rabbits. It's a typical anxiety dream, mine and yours. You have something to resolve, I think, and only you know what it is. Tweed > Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you > tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? They're called "anxiety" dreams - most people get them, in one form or another. Are you going through a stressful period in your life? Unresolved stress is what usually brings them on. Mine have usually been about people and events in my life, not beloved pets, but equally upsetting. One of the recurring ones is that I'm somehow still living at home with my parents in Minnesota (I left home at twenty), then "wake up" in the middle of the night realizing that I simply MUST bet at work (in California) the next day! I usually wake "for real" feeling very upset, so it takes a glass of warm milk, or a few minutes with a book, before I can settle down enough to sleep again. (It sounds silly, but it doesn't FEEL silly, when I'm in the midst of it.) And of course, the "standard" one - when I was still singing - was to find myself onstage, costumed for an operatic role, large audience out front, and realizing that I had no idea which opera, and didn't know my part! (That was pretty scary, too.) > > Do any of you have similar "abandonment of loved pet" dreams? Can you > > tell me why I might be having these awful nightmares? [quoted text clipped - 18 lines] > audience out front, and realizing that I had no idea which > opera, and didn't know my part! (That was pretty scary, too.) I've had that same dream!!! It's awful. |
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