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Cat Forum / Cat Anecdotes / August 2004cats and health: allergies-- help
my girlfriend loves cats. says she can't live without hers. i love her. she came to live with me one month ago, leaving her aging (15 years plus) sick cat at her place in NYC to come move in with us in in the future. we live 5000 miles away from her cat. in the meantime, with my permission, she adopted two kittens. at the time she adopted the cats i was in the middle of an eye infection, seasonal conjunctivitis, treated by my eye specialist with antibiotics, which almost immediately upon entrance of cats to the house, became severe. though sceptical about my allergy to cats, and my known allergy to them, -- she may be in denial about my allergy, why?: when i visited her over the xmas holiday i was visibly allergic to her cat, though knowing that, i said yes to her request, as i wanted her to feel at home with cats. doctor says the further flareup was most probably a result of my known allergy to cats. ( i get symptoms of itching skin, itching eyes, runny nose, etc., classic symptoms, all experienced in her place over xmas) my eye doctor told me my allergy to cats was probably the root cause of my worsening condition. my condition is also exasperated by the fact that i have an existing eye condition related to an immune system deficiency. it is very very serious. my immune system thus became compromised according to my doctor. girlfriend knows this. she does not believe the science. by the way, i had a cornea transplant in 1997. my cornea transplant/ immune system became compromised according to my eye doctor, due to the introduction of the kittens to the house.. a row started with my girlfriend when i said, as gently as possible, the doctor has advised kittens must leave. she doesn't believe me, or the doctor, regarding my sensitivity to the cats, or whatever it is cats leave behind in the air. doctor says my eye is the worst he has ever seen it, and i must prepare to plan for a new transplant if the condition does not get better. transplant surgery takes 16 months to recover from. i do not want to repeat this, ever! he put me on heavy doses of steroids, and antibiotic eye drops. still am on meds, and am uncomfortable taking them, but i must do what i must do. i trust eye doc implicitly. so why all this?: tonight, two weeks later with my condition stable but not out of the woods yet, my girlfriend said she still wants to bring over her cat from NYC and behaves as if i am unreasonable when i say her cat simply may not live with us. to me it is science: i am not well, with very serious eye problems, am allergic and susceptible to cats allergens, so i must avoid at all cost problems of this type. my health is important, as is my girlfriend. i told her the choice for me is simple: my health must come first. i realise for her teh choice may be more difficult. she actsed tonight as if she may choose her cat over me. if so, amen i say. i have a dog and am not sensitive to anything about him. please advise.... robert in gozo Time to get a new girlfriend! -- Burmese are like potato chips, you can't just have one. > my girlfriend loves cats. says she can't live without hers. > [quoted text clipped - 97 lines] > > robert in gozo simple and adult. thanks difficult, though. robert > Time to get a new girlfriend! > [quoted text clipped - 110 lines] >> >> robert in gozo See an allergist. -- Joy > my girlfriend loves cats. says she can't live without hers. > [quoted text clipped - 97 lines] > > robert in gozo doc says it is clear and my eye is compromised by cats. allergist confirms and says not to put eye at risk. r > See an allergist. > [quoted text clipped - 118 lines] >> >> robert in gozo > my girlfriend loves cats. says she can't live without hers. That says it all. Believe her. You can't live with them and she would resent having to live without them. So you discovered you are not compatible. It happens. Jo seems like the most adult response, thanks. robert >> my girlfriend loves cats. says she can't live without hers. > [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Jo > i told her the choice for me is simple: > my health must come first. > > i realise for her teh choice may be more difficult. > > she actsed tonight as if she may choose her cat over me. Well *I* certainly would! (You may be a prince of a fellow, but if you simply cannot be around cats, you're no fit mate for a catlover.) Perhaps I read more into your post than is there, but it sounds to me as though you simply want to have your own way, and never mind what she wants. That's no basis for a lasting relationship, allergies or no! Knowing how allergic you are, didn't you discuss the situation before you decided to live together? Sometimes people with allergies can become less allergic with repeated exposure to their allerges. If you really love the girl, why not explore the possibilities with an allergist? thanks for all your inputs. many of you are sensitive to the issue. i posted this to open a discussion for all animal lovers to learn about others: anecdotal problems and possible solutions. to share my pain. some of you are cat lovers have empathy for me and her, some of you seem to be only on the side of the cats. there is no side: to me: there are only facts. one reason i allowed the experiment with the kittens was to determine my allergic response, and to let girlfriend feel more comfortable in my place: being sensitive to her stress of a move and all. she well knew of my allergy from my visit to NYC. however it was evident she downplayed my allergy as i wheezed for one month in NYC and sneezed all in the name of love. all the while i took pills and used to stay away from her cat, i got itchy and other symptoms simply from sitting on the couch. we discussed my complications over and over, but she simply said she was going to bring her cat. that was that. i have difficulty saying no. codependent stuff. so when the opportunity of the kittens arose, i naturally, though honestly reluctantly, said yes, to see the science develop: science prevailed: i am definitely seriously allergic. and put my health at serious risk. scientifically verified. she seemed miffed that i was ill. all but accused a conspiracy by the doc. and me. a lasting relationship can be simple or complicated. but have you ever had a sixteen (16) month surgery recovery? i have and let me tell you, it changes lots of perspectives. so methinks: with a lover with a severe medical issue, one would think that the cat lover may be willing to come up with a viable solution: i suggested she bring over her cat and let it stay with a local friend. also suggested she volunteers at ASPCA to stay close to her feline friends. when she returns from the local ASPCA where she volunteers, following my suggestion, upon return home, she reeks of cat stuff and i break out in rashes from her clothes. gently convinced her to shower and wash her hair soon after entering our coming home, from ASPCA. even our bed has something in it as she complains about it being knats, when to me it is the symptom of the cats all over again. so i am being selfish? good point to consider, and i am open to that possibility, but i do not think so. if selfish, I'd like to say: successfully selfish. in a good way. am i a prince?, no but i aspire to be princely. yet, i do need to take care of me. yup, some relationships may be doomed... some can be worked out. more as this develops, though this morning she was in a tiff, and went to bed last night in a huff. again, my health must come first: is this too selfish on my part? perhaps, but please you try my surgery. wear my shoes. feel my pain. it is not only emotional: it is real pain. very very painful recovery. right now: my eye hurts all the time lately, steroids, antibiotics and all. i am afraid. i do not want to go under the knife for another transplant, and have to wear dark glasses, and not be able to turn my eyes to the left or right, for over a year, stay out of light, stay out of wind, no exercise that could damage the micro stitches, to have twenty eight micro stitches in my eye, and have then surgically removed one by one by having doc cut my cornea to get them out each one or two, removed month after month over time, ugh the pain, it hurts to think of it, so am i really being selfish? Robert >> i told her the choice for me is simple: >> my health must come first. [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > I read more into your post than is there, but it sounds to me as though > you simply want to have your own way, and never mind what she wants. That's no basis for a lasting relationship, allergies or no! > Knowing how allergic you are, didn't you discuss the situation before you > decided to live together? Sometimes people with allergies can become less > allergic with repeated exposure to their allerges. If you really love the > girl, why not explore the possibilities with an allergist? > thanks for all your inputs. > > many of you are sensitive to the issue. For both of your sakes, break up with the girl. You don't need the allergies, and she doesn't need the grief. Pam S. excuse me for seeming insensitive: let's examine: what 'grief' is she experiencing? she can see her cat, if she compromises, brings it here to live with a foster family, she can visit other cats if she volunteers and cleans herself after ward, she can still have me, me: having very real allergic responses, and in loads of physical pain. taking meds, seeing docs, spending tons of medical monies, preparing for a surgery if the cats are here. also the stress of putting up with her emotional responses regarding huffs and puffs concerning my very real situation, is love to be so blind as to deny physical and emotional feelings? there may be a way, but to give up is the least viable option right now. am sure other venues have yet to be explored. i am trying to be adult. robert >> thanks for all your inputs. >> [quoted text clipped - 4 lines] > > Pam S. > excuse me for seeming insensitive: > [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] > i am trying to be adult. > robert Well, I know people who have done it. They receive allergy shots. They take up the carpet (or move to an apporpriate place with wood floors) and take down the drapes (where allergens will roost.). THey have HEPA air filters in each room and a really, really good vacuum/floor cleaner which they use often. They keep the bedroom a cat free zone (most important is this, is what many doctors say). Groom the cats outside. Wipe kitties down with allerpet wipes a couple of times a week(available at pet stores and on line). My voice teacher was really allergic, but kept her cats. She found drinking oodles of water helped if she was getting particularly weepy. What steps have you all tried for keeping the allergens down? In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", Karen Chuplis <kchuplis@alltel.net> artfully composed this message within <news:BD54838A.3DE0B%kchuplis@alltel.net> on 27 Aug 2004: > Well, I know people who have done it. They receive allergy > shots. They take up the carpet (or move to an apporpriate place [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > was getting particularly weepy. What steps have you all tried > for keeping the allergens down? All of that, plus everyone I know who have an allergy to cats say the same thing: they are fine if they don't touch their face (especially their eyes) without washing their hands first.  SignatureCheryl /who'd break up with the guy first for being such a whiner. Ok, I guess I'm insensitive too. > Cheryl > /who'd break up with the guy first for being such a whiner. Ok, I > guess I'm insensitive too. I guess I don't understand this. He's talking about serious problems with his eyesight, which are exacerbated (or maybe even caused) by his severe cat allergy. This really doesn't sound like whining to me. I know we're all cat lovers here, but that doesn't mean that everyone who can't tolerate being around cats is a whiner. Personally, if someone were as unconcerned about my eyesight as his girlfriend seems to be, I don't think I'd want to marry that person! Joyce > > Cheryl > > /who'd break up with the guy first for being such a whiner. Ok, I [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > Personally, if someone were as unconcerned about my eyesight as his > girlfriend seems to be, I don't think I'd want to marry that person! I'd just call it incompatibility. In using an online dating service, I made a point about talking about my furkids in my profile. In some cases, that was an attraction, although I ran into some people that didn't take it seriously. In one case, someone was quite interesting, but, for me, it told me something that she didn't take pets seriously. I understand the viewpoint of some clinical scientists, but she took it too far when I was checking into experimental programs that might have helped Clifford's bladder cancer. She said, and the not-too-serious relationship was going downhill anyway, that she couldn't understand fighting hard for the life of a pet -- as soon as her childrens' dog started having any significant difficulties, she had him euthanized. In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", > I guess I don't understand this. He's talking about serious > problems with his eyesight, which are exacerbated (or maybe even > caused) by his severe cat allergy. This really doesn't sound > like whining to me. I understand all that, but I guess when reading the whole conversation all at once creates a different perspective than reading it closer to real-time. I saw someone wanting to change someone else and I interpretted what I read as whining. I also had a really bad day, week for that matter, and in another post I copped to that when I realized I might have sounded harsh in my reply. I dunno, Joyce, but I sort of had a problem with his first post and a statement "with my permission, she adopted two kittens". I guess I'm too independent, and it probably explains why I'm single at this point in my life. I don't feel comfortable for *myself* having to have permission to adopt two kittens. SignatureCheryl /shutting up now. Cheryl <jlhshadow@nospamhotmail.com> had some very interesting things to say about Re: cats and health: allergies-- help: >I understand all that, but I guess when reading the whole >conversation all at once creates a different perspective than [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] >single at this point in my life. I don't feel comfortable for >*myself* having to have permission to adopt two kittens. Well, considering that SHE moved into HIS place, should she have just brought home potential health hazards without even running it past the owner/lessee of the housing in question? Seems only polite that if someone else is paying the rent/mortgage to at least consult that person before upheaving things. Signature"The universe is quite robust in design and appears to be doing just fine on its own, incompetent support staff notwithstanding. :-)" - the Dennis formerly known as (evil), MCFL >I dunno, Joyce, but I sort of had a problem with his first >post and a statement "with my permission, she adopted two kittens". >I guess I'm too independent, and it probably explains why I'm >single at this point in my life. I don't feel comfortable for >*myself* having to have permission to adopt two kittens. Cheryl, that line reached out and grabbed me, too. I only hoped he used "permission" for lack of a better word. Like maybe he meant he "agreed" instead of giving her "permission". Also the word "codependent" reached out and grabbed me, too. When he said he "couldn't say no." I have a *real* problem with the thought of asking a spouse "permission" for anything. It doesn't work that way!!! Sherry > I only hoped he used "permission" for lack of a better word. Like > maybe he meant he "agreed" instead of giving her "permission". Great minds think alike - see my post where I said the same thing. :) Joyce > >I dunno, Joyce, but I sort of had a problem with his first > >post and a statement "with my permission, she adopted two kittens". [quoted text clipped - 10 lines] > > Sherry I cannot fathom the notion of a spouse or significant other asking for or giving permission. Neither would my spouse of 37 years. None of our parents would have been familiar with the concept either. I had an employer once that announced a training seminar out of town by telling me to ask my husband if it would be OK if I went. I gave her a blank look and asked why? I mean sure we would discuss it and work out the necessary details of child care etc. but permission? I don't think so. Jo >>I dunno, Joyce, but I sort of had a problem with his first >>post and a statement "with my permission, she adopted two kittens". [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > I have a *real* problem with the thought of asking a spouse "permission" for > anything. It doesn't work that way!!! Right! (You don't stop being an individual human being, just because you form part of a couple.) > Sherry > I dunno, Joyce, but I sort of had a problem with his first > post and a statement "with my permission, she adopted two kittens". > I guess I'm too independent, and it probably explains why I'm > single at this point in my life. I don't feel comfortable for > *myself* having to have permission to adopt two kittens. No need to shut up, Cheryl, I just have a different viewpoint. I certainly don't mean to criticize you. I agree with Howard that there is a basic incompatibility here, but it also feels like the woman is being kind of selfish. She doesn't seem to take his physical problems very seriously. As for permission, I agree it's a poor choice of words. People don't need their partner's permission to pursue what they love in life. But when you're living together, it is important, before making choices that are going to impact the other person, that the other person agree to it. So maybe "agreement" would have been a better word than "permission." Joyce > > I dunno, Joyce, but I sort of had a problem with his first > > post and a statement "with my permission, she adopted two kittens". [quoted text clipped - 7 lines] > being kind of selfish. She doesn't seem to take his physical problems > very seriously. Nor does HE take her having a lifelong feline companion seriously, IMO! (It's six of one, half a dozen of the other.) Anyway, he comes across as a loser she'd be better off without! In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", > No need to shut up, Cheryl, I just have a different viewpoint. I > certainly don't mean to criticize you. I agree with Howard that > there is a basic incompatibility here, but it also feels like > the woman is being kind of selfish. She doesn't seem to take his > physical problems very seriously. That could be Joyce, but we only saw one side of the story, and his side just disturbed me. lol SignatureCheryl > In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", > [quoted text clipped - 6 lines] > That could be Joyce, but we only saw one side of the story, and his > side just disturbed me. lol Personally, I think he's a very successful Troll. Pam S. In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", Tanada <tanada@earthlink.net> artfully composed this message within <news:MurYc.4178$JT3.1340@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net> on 29 Aug 2004: > Personally, I think he's a very successful Troll. You're prolly right Pam. Hey, you keeping dry and safe down there? I saw storms in your area from yet another tropical that hit the coast of SC. We could use the rain if it ends up coming up this far. We haven't had any rain in close to two weeks. SignatureCheryl > You're prolly right Pam. Hey, you keeping dry and safe down there? I > saw storms in your area from yet another tropical that hit the coast > of SC. We could use the rain if it ends up coming up this far. We > haven't had any rain in close to two weeks. I'd gladly give you some of ours, if I could. We were soaked today from the edge of Tropical Storm Gaston. We're supposed to get the worst of him tonight/early tomorrow am. I don't expect to be off work tomorrow, they had us working for a full day when we were getting the edge of Bonnie. Funny thing, I had everyone working hard to do the living room so that we could possibly go camping at Wilmington NC for the Labor Day weekend. Guess who we might be entertaining next weekend. Right, Frances. The forecasters who predicted a very active Hurricane season were right, so far. As much as I like people, I'm not too fond of Frances this (and next) month. Pam S. In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", Tanada <tanada@earthlink.net> artfully composed this message within <news:cjwYc.7073$6o3.2195@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net> on 29 Aug 2004: > I'd gladly give you some of ours, if I could. We were soaked > today from the edge of Tropical Storm Gaston. We're supposed to > get the worst of him tonight/early tomorrow am. I don't expect > to be off work tomorrow, they had us working for a full day when > we were getting the edge of Bonnie. This is one slow moving storm. I've been watching the radar and it hasn't moved much all afternoon. Those it is sitting on must be flooding. It hasn't reached up here yet. I'm just west of Annapolis so we're supposed to get some rain from it, but it looks like it'll fizzle out in VA. > Funny thing, I had everyone working hard to do the living room > so that we could possibly go camping at Wilmington NC for the [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > forecasters who predicted a very active Hurricane season were > right, so far. They sure were. And SC seems to be taking a beating more than usual. As much as I like people, I'm not too fond of > Frances this (and next) month. I hope the weather holds out for you and that Frances goes up the coast away from land. Have fun if you make it camping! SignatureCheryl >In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", Tanada ><tanada@earthlink.net> artfully composed this message within [quoted text clipped - 12 lines] >so we're supposed to get some rain from it, but it looks like it'll >fizzle out in VA. I talked to my sister about 10 PM Central time. She lives in Richmond, Virginia, and said that it took her several hours to get home from work (a distance of about 5 miles). Numerous streets are flooded, and they had to shut the Interstates down at rush hour due to flooding. Everyone downstream of one dam had to be evacuated because of fears that the dam might break (so far, it hasn't broken). She said that they had received 12 to 14 inches of rain today, and it was still raining at the time I talked to her. Fortunately, her house is on a hill, so it isn't in danger of being flooded. She doesn't know whether or not her office will be open tomorrow. SignatureJohn F. Eldredge -- john@jfeldredge.com PGP key available from http://pgp.mit.edu "Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria >> In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", >> [quoted text clipped - 8 lines] > > Personally, I think he's a very successful Troll. Yes, that occurred to me, too! > reply. I dunno, Joyce, but I sort of had a problem with his first > post and a statement "with my permission, she adopted two kittens". > I guess I'm too independent, and it probably explains why I'm > single at this point in my life. I don't feel comfortable for > *myself* having to have permission to adopt two kittens. I'm with you, Cheryl! Also, if he knew how serious his allergy is, why would he "permit" it in the first place? Evidently he is one of the insensitive breed from whom my friend in Northern Minnesota has inherited most of her cats - the sort who regard other animals as "things" rather than living creatures. (She lives in a resort area, where summer residents will adopt kittens as playthings for the kids' vacations, then abandon them when it's time to return home for the school year.) > > Cheryl > > /who'd break up with the guy first for being such a whiner. Ok, I [quoted text clipped - 3 lines] > with his eyesight, which are exacerbated (or maybe even caused) by his > severe cat allergy. This really doesn't sound like whining to me. It certainly does to me! I'm of Cheryl's opinion - if he's really THAT allergic, why did he continue seeing her until the relationship became serious? ("Love at first sight" is mostly a myth, and in any case, it takes more than a single meeting for two people to decide to live together.) I still think, however allergic he may be, he egotistically assumed that she would automatically prefer HIM over any cats she might have. Now he's whining because she doesn't jump at the chance of getting rid of all cats in her life so she can be with "Mr. Wonderful". (I'd say that's a wise decision - if he whines about one thing, he'll whine about others, and life is far too short to spend it tied to a self-pitying b-----rd.) >excuse me for seeming insensitive: > [quoted text clipped - 23 lines] >i am trying to be adult. >robert It's time to lose the girlfriend. She sounds like a very selfish person who does not love you as much as she loves her cat. In a case like this it is time to ask yourself whether you are better off with her or without her. Just be glad that you found out just how selfish she is before you married her. -- Nan and the furkids A wise man talks because he has something to say; a fool talks because he has to say something. > It's time to lose the girlfriend. She sounds like a very selfish > person who does not love you as much as she loves her cat. From what he's so far revealed about himself, would YOU? He sounds like someone almost ANY woman would be better off without! (There are worse things than living alone - being tied to a piece of work like that is one of them.) >From what he's so far revealed about himself, would YOU? He sounds >like someone almost ANY woman would be better off without! (There are >worse things than living alone - being tied to a piece of work like that >is one of them.) Could be that he just doesn't articulate very well. Some men are like that. (sorry guys). Sounds to me like he is scared to death of losing his sight. My DH used to say the damn stupidest things when we were teens/20's. . It was like we spoke a different language. I'd get all huffy and he had no idea what he said wrong. He didn't mean it the way it sounded. He just wasn't very good at putting feelings into words. If I'd met him online with only his words to look at, I'd have thought he was a total dork. Sherry >>From what he's so far revealed about himself, would YOU? He sounds > [quoted text clipped - 9 lines] > at putting feelings into words. If I'd met him online with only his words to > look at, I'd have thought he was a total dork. Oh, I can understand his concern, but it's obviously not a new issue - why did he continue to get more deeply involved, and just ASSUME that she would/should give up feline companionship in favor of his? > excuse me for seeming insensitive: > > let's examine: > what 'grief' is she experiencing? > she can see her cat, if she compromises, > brings it here to live with a foster family, "Never mind, Ms. X, you can still see your child, if you compromise - you just can never again live with it!" To think abandoning her long-term companion is morally defensible, or that she should not grieve for its loss, simply demonstrates the degree of your own egotistical self-absorbtion. IMO no man is worth it - certainly not one incapable of empathy with a woman he professes to "love"! (You may be a very nice guy, but we can only know you through your post, which demonstrates attitudes that would make life with you Hell for any female foolish enough to attempt it - cat allergy or no cat allergy.) > so methinks: with a lover with a severe medical issue, > one would think that the cat lover may > be willing to come up with a viable solution: Yeah, tell the lover to get lost, and find someone else! Plainly, the two of you were NOT "meant for each other", so why fight it? > so i am being selfish? Perhaps not "selfish", per se, but certainly unrealistic! Once you realized how severly allergic you were, why didn't you simply break off the relationship, instead of expecting your girl to give up an important part of her life because you find it unacceptable? I don't doubt you are as allergic as you claim, but why should the woman make all the sacrifices? (IMO, she's better off without you, even if you WEREN'T allergic to her best friend!) > Perhaps I read more into your post than is there, but it sounds > to me as though you simply want to have your own way, and never > mind what she wants. Yeah, wanting to be healthy and be able to breathe and stuff - that is so selfish! I have to say, it doesn't sound like his girlfriend is very concerned about his health. I think it was a big mistake to adopt the kittens. She knew she would want to bring her older cat sooner or later, and certainly she shouldn't have to give up a cat she's been with all those years. But why did she bring in new cats? Now there are 3! That's too many for someone who has such severe allergies. Even one might be tough, but 3?? > Sometimes people with allergies can > become less allergic with repeated exposure to their allerges. Actually, it's usually the other way around. Allergies are an extreme immune response to something non-threatening (but the body doesn't know that). With diseases, the more exposures you have, the more immune you are. Likewise with allergies - the more exposures, the more "immune" you are, in that your immune system responds more and more, by sending out its way-over-the-top response to the "threat". > If you really love the girl, why not explore the possibilities > with an allergist? Not a bad idea, if you haven't already done so. There's also the possibility of bathing the cats once a week. I know some folks who are allergic to cats who say that if you wash the cats regularly (has to be fairly frequent, like weekly), there's far less dander in the air to react to. How about HEPA filters - have you tried those? Also, maybe you could have one cat-free room, such as the bedroom, or your study, if you have one? Keep the door closed at all times, and don't ever let cats in there. That would be a place you could go to where you wouldn't have to breathe the allergens. Just some thoughts. It's a tough situation. I wouldn't consider dating someone who was severely allergic to, or who hated, cats. But here you are, you've already fallen in love, so now you have to figure out how to resolve the situation. I wish you luck. Joyce > > Perhaps I read more into your post than is there, but it sounds > > to me as though you simply want to have your own way, and never [quoted text clipped - 5 lines] > I have to say, it doesn't sound like his girlfriend is very concerned > about his health. I think it was a big mistake to adopt the kittens. But an even bigger mistake to move in with him in the first place? It doesn't sound as though he really CARES how she feels - that's no way to build a lasting relationship, allergy or no allergy! I suspect they are very young, since neither appears to be behaving very realistically. Clearly they have a very big problem, which they should have addressed BEFORE they decided to live together. "Love conquers all" is demonstrably NOT true, and the time to deal with potential problems is before you start making changes in your life. (Perhaps I'm unduly cynical, but IMO "Robert" just doesn't sound worth the effort he apparently expects from his "beloved"!) > doctor says the further flareup was most probably a result of my known > allergy to cats. > ( i get symptoms of itching skin, itching eyes, runny nose, etc., classic > symptoms, all experienced in her place over xmas) Robert - I know someone who has been through similar surgeries, and from their experiences it is a very serious and nerve-racking surgery to undergo. As I am also a devoted cat owner I can also sympathise with your girlfriend. It's a very difficult situation. It is the dander in the cat's fur which causes the allergic response. I have never tried these products, but perhaps worth looking into? Petal Cleanse http://www.bio-life.co.uk/ Allerpet http://www.allerpet.com/ Don't know if you can get them in Gozo, but your girlfriend can get Allerpet in the USA for sure. You can also try HEPA airfilters; restricting the rooms where the cats are allowed particularly the bedrooms; removing rugs and carpets where the dander might sit; washing your hands if you touch the cats, and getting your girlfriend to groom the cats outside to reduce fur shedding indoors. I think it is possible to undergo desensitisation treatment (immunotherapy) to reduce allergy to specific things such as cat dander, but I think it's controversial and sometimes risky: http://www.allergy-clinic.co.uk/desensitisation.htm Deb. Signaturehttp://www.scientific-art.com "He looked a fierce and quarrelsome cat, but claw he never would; He only bit the ones he loved, because they tasted good." S. Greenfield > my girlfriend loves cats. says she can't live without hers. > > i love her. <snip> > though sceptical about my allergy to cats, and my known allergy to them, > -- she may be in denial about my allergy, > why? <snip again> There are degrees of allergy. I myself allergic to cats. Yet I own a cat, and he even sleeps with me at night. I am not particularly allergic to my own cat, thankfully. Some cats seem to set me off more than others, but my allergic reactions aren't as severe as yours, and I am prepared to put up with a degree of discomfort for the pleasure of feline company. I also consider my cat (and dog for that matter) as equivalent members of my family, in effect they are the children I had when I didn't have human children (I still call my cat my "first born" sometimes, as he was the first pet I got). When I adopted them, I adopted them on the understanding that this would be what us pet people call a "foreverhome", that is, unless circumstances became incredibly dire to the point I'd have to consider adopting out my own *human* children too, my pets would be loved and cared for, for their rest of their lives. Its not a commitment entered into lightly, and the attachment quickly becomes deep (on both sides). Combine the fact that many people are only *mildly* allergic to cats (and can minimise their reactions with some very simple changes to their lifestyle) and that she loves her cats like she would love her own children, and you may very well have the reason why she seems in denial. I assume she loves you dearly too, so you are effectively asking her to decide between two loves, without the option of having both. I know I would have trouble making that decision, perhaps she is too. As to what to do about it, it depends. Clearly you cannot abide to have these cats around for the sake of your health. There may be other options, which have already been outlined elsewhere in this thread, and there are Sphinx or Rex cats which don't have much fur and are suppoed to be low-allergenic, but you will both have to do some serious compromising if you are going to share your life together (and not just about the cats, compromising is essential to any relationship). I'd get a second opinion from another allergist, but if she isn't willing to budge an inch, I think you have your answer, sorry. I've heard ferrets are very cat-like, if that helps? Yowie > I assume she loves you dearly too, so you are effectively asking her to > decide between two loves, without the option of having both. I know I would > have trouble making that decision, perhaps she is too. Not THAT much trouble! (There are plenty of non-allergic men in the world - for me it would always be "love me, love my cat".) >i told her the choice for me is simple: >my health must come first. As much as I love cats, even I have to admit that my sight is more important. >i realise for her teh choice may be more difficult. > >she actsed tonight as if she may choose her cat over me. Any problems and resentments arising now are likely to just be compounded over the years, unless there's a true change of heart by your girlfriend or a medical miracle for you. Cats are obviously a big part of her life, or she wouldn't have adopted 2 kittens after giving her own cat up. If she thinks you're faking the eye problem now, she's probably going to think you're just a big hypochondriac on other health issues later. Do you want to end up marrying somebody like that? If you end up having children, she's *really* going to resent the fact that they can't have cats in their lives. I'm not making GF out to be the bad guy. I'd have never continued dating you after I found out the cat/eye conflict. It's a giant incompatibility issue. She'll either end up hating your guts because she's giving up the cat she loves while you happily keep your pooch, or you end up blind. Sherry loads of great suggestions and food for thought. thanks to you all. robert > >i told her the choice for me is simple: >>my health must come first. [quoted text clipped - 27 lines] > > Sherry I have a very severe allergy to cats also. I once had an allergist who asked me if I had cats, I said yes. He asked me where the cats slept, I said on my bed and pillows. He told me to get rid of the cats. I got rid of the doctor and stocked up on allergy medicines. Reminds me of the joke, "My husband told me it was either him or my cat - I sure miss my husband sometimes!" Seriously Robert, people who truly love cats feel about cats almost the way they feel about their children - it would be almost impossible to give them up. Love just can't overcome something like that. Look for a girl who likes dogs. Hugs, CatNipped |
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