Hi, All
    These darn cats are always getting me into trouble with Patty, and
it's not my fault (this time)!
    As some of you may remember, I like my cigars. They comfort me,
they soothe me (all right, I'm addicted), but it's more socially
acceptable than sitting around sucking my thumb.
    So yesterday Spirit saw me put one (cigar, not thumb) in my mouth
with the appearance of deriving great pleasure from it and decided
whatever I was eating, she wanted some, too. Naturally I hogged the
stogie all for myself and didn't let her have any. Oreo saw Spirit
watching me and joined her. Now I have two little moochers mewing
pitifully because I'm not sharing.
    As I smoke I chew, and by the time I finish my English Corona, one
end is a soggy mess.
    The fire in the cigar went out. To leave my hands free for
searching for matches, I set it down in the ashtray and got up to look.
    Apparently while I was out of the room, the cats bit off part of
the soggy end and proceeded to chew tobacco and spit the juice all over
our new light beige carpet. When I came back the two of them were seated
in their little chairs on the hearth rug, feet propped up on the hearth,
chewing tobacco, spitting in the fireplace, telling fish stories and
other lies, and whittling.
    The shavings from their whittling got into the carpet along with
the tobacco juice, and Patty is furious at me.
    Will someone please tell her it's not my fault?
Cheers,
Dave