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Howard Berkowitz - 13 Jul 2004 20:39 GMT

A lady friend told me last night that she felt overwhelmed by her pets,
two cats and a dog. If I understand correctly, each of the cats were
adopted by her children while living at home, but, with divorce, medical
school/residency, and law school, the pets remained at home.

While the cats' physical needs are met, they don't get much attention;
my friend is much closer to her dog. They seem pleasant enough cats when
I have interacted with them. One is a grey-and-white DSH, 13 years old,
and the other something VERY furry and younger -- I don't know the age.

My friend, however, asked me if I knew anyone who would take them, even
if she had to drive them a long distance from the Maryland suburbs of DC.

It's a messy situation, both personally and for the cats. I don't know
enough of the background to tell if the cats really were adopted for the
children, and then dumped on human Mom. I feel a very strong lifelong
commitment to mine, but I deliberately adopted them (or vice versa [1]).

One answer would be taking her cats, but I already have three and am not
sure how they would react. Now, there are some nice indications for me
that I might be starting to recover from the dot-com crash, but finances
aren't great, and I'm not sure I can provide the additional veterinary
coverage as needed. Maybe in a few months. My biggest concern, however,
is bringing two older and perhaps less socialized cats into my home with
three extremely affectionate, socialized and intelligent four-legged
family members.

Any bright thoughts?

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Sherry - 13 Jul 2004 21:06 GMT

>A lady friend told me last night that she felt overwhelmed by her pets,
>two cats and a dog. If I understand correctly, each of the cats were
[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
>
>Any bright thoughts?

It's hard to home adult cats. Especially two together. It would be a shame to
break them up. Can you foster them on a trial basis and see how it works out?
Or is there anything you can do for your lady friend to help make the cats less
overwhelming? What about the KIDS? Can adjustments be made so *they* can take
them? I don't intend to sound mean, but there's a little too much expectation
in this country that other people are available to assume responsibility for
pets that we are tired of.
I hope someone here can help you.

Sherry

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EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque) - 14 Jul 2004 04:11 GMT

> It's hard to home adult cats. Especially two together. It would be a shame to
> break them up. Can you foster them on a trial basis and see how it works out?
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> in this country that other people are available to assume responsibility for
> pets that we are tired of.

Especially among kids who "leave home", but expect their parents to take
over responsibility for any pets, etc. they choose to leave behind on
"will call"!

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Mary - 14 Jul 2004 05:06 GMT

>> but there's a little too much expectation
> > in this country that other people are available to assume responsibility for
> > pets that we are tired of.
>
> Especially among kids who "leave home", but expect their parents to take

over responsibility for any pets, etc. they choose to leave behind on "will
call"!

And who raised those kids and instilled values
regarding pets?

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EvelynVogtGamble(Divamanque) - 15 Jul 2004 06:10 GMT

>>>but there's a little too much expectation
>>>in this country that other people are available to assume responsibility
[quoted text clipped - 10 lines]
> And who raised those kids and instilled values
> regarding pets?

Yeah, I guess you have a point.

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Sherry - 14 Jul 2004 05:35 GMT

>Especially among kids who "leave home", but expect their parents to take
>over responsibility for any pets, etc. they choose to leave behind on
>"will call"!

I can't really say much about kids moving out and leaving cats. Each of mine
left their cat. But I insisted. By then, Cherokee and Yoda were both old. They
were both more attached to "their place" than "their people." It's just that
'Oh, I'm overwhelmed, somebody must take these cats" attitude I was hearing.
Granted, the kids *should* be the first ones to step in and help out.
Sherry

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Howard Berkowitz - 14 Jul 2004 20:54 GMT

> >Especially among kids who "leave home", but expect their parents to take
> >over responsibility for any pets, etc. they choose to leave behind on
[quoted text clipped - 10 lines]
> Granted, the kids *should* be the first ones to step in and help out.
> Sherry

In the particular circumstance, from all I can tell, there was
considerable conflict about values, before the marriage broke up.

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Karen - 13 Jul 2004 21:07 GMT

> A lady friend told me last night that she felt overwhelmed by her pets,
> two cats and a dog. If I understand correctly, each of the cats were
[quoted text clipped - 24 lines]
>
> Any bright thoughts?

To me, the size of the home indicates how many cats can co-habit more than
anything. I don't now how big your home is. (I think if I had a second
bedroom I would today have 4 cats that include one precious silver point
persian.) I think it would be up to you as far as taking them. The next
suggestion I have is petfinder.org. I don't know if an individual can be on
there, but if not, maybe a no-kill can just sponser her on there so that
they can be listed. Anyone else?

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Christine Burel - 14 Jul 2004 01:27 GMT

Well, Howard, here's an idea -- maybe you and she could jointly work on
trying to find a good home for the kitties -- she could provide the house
and maybe you could go visit them frequently and work on socializing them.
Then after you had a good idea of what the kitties are like from working
with them you could make up a flyer with color photos of the kitties and
have their tale told (by a good writer). I'd check into all the no-kill
rescue cat groups in the area and talk with them and leave flyers, maybe
even some donation toward their group and see if their word of mouth or
contacts could help these kitties find a great home. It may take time but
it would be worth it for the kitties. Never in my wildest dreams would I
have thought I would be so lucky as to find a good home for the older FIV+
kitty, Pirate, but I did the flyer/photo deal and had a friend help me write
up Pirate's story and the people at one of the rescue groups remembered him
from that when they had someone looking for an FIV+ kitty!

Hope this is of some use.
Christine

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Howard Berkowitz - 19 Aug 2004 01:03 GMT

The situation has gotten worse. She's now talking of having the older
cat (she thinks 14) euthanized, as she's called all manner of no-kill
shelters and they won't take one that old. She has said he may have some
rectal bleeding, and she suspects diabetes for some reason -- no tests
have been done. When I was talking to her a couple of nights ago, she
started crying, and said she wasn't going to tell me the plan, but did.
I've urged her at least to get a thorough examination of Sugar, the
older cat -- if there is real disease, that's another matter.

I've offered to try to take them in, feeling desperate about it,
although there are real house and money issues. I can't say the cats
know me well, but they are at least pleasant when I've visited (and they
aren't either hiding or locked up). How my closely bonded three would
respond is quite another matter. One oif the house problems is that
there are far too many hiding places now.

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Cheryl - 19 Aug 2004 01:57 GMT

In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", Howard Berkowitz
<hcb@gettcomm.com> artfully composed this message within
<news:hcb-490376.20035518082004@text.giganews.com> on 18 Aug 2004:

> I've offered to try to take them in, feeling desperate about it,
> although there are real house and money issues. I can't say the
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> oif the house problems is that there are far too many hiding
> places now.

Howard, this is desperate, and so sad. I wish I had some suggestions
but other than putting up some flyers with sad stories (which this
is) appealing for adopters, I'm not sure what to say. I notice that
you're in my area (DC area) and I have admin access to Petfinder via
a local shelter. I've posted desperate a story on there before with
photos of a cat who wasn't in the shelter system but needed a home,
and I'm sure they'd let me again if you'd like to advertize them
there. Many purrs for your friend and her cats.

Signature

Cheryl

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Howard Berkowitz - 19 Aug 2004 03:47 GMT

> In the fine newsgroup "rec.pets.cats.anecdotes", Howard Berkowitz
> <hcb@gettcomm.com> artfully composed this message within
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
> and I'm sure they'd let me again if you'd like to advertize them
> there. Many purrs for your friend and her cats.

I know. She has said she feels overwhelmed by the two cats and a dog,
although she is clearly more attached than the dog. My thought would be
that the two cats should be taken together -- IIRC, Fluffy, the younger
one, is 7 or 8, and has always lived with the older Sugar. While they
are not constantly together, they seem friendly enough to each other,
and, given Sugar's age, I suspect separating them as well as moving them
away would be too traumatic. I just don't know.

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Karen Chuplis - 19 Aug 2004 02:02 GMT

>> A lady friend told me last night that she felt overwhelmed by her pets,
>> two cats and a dog. If I understand correctly, each of the cats were
[quoted text clipped - 40 lines]
> respond is quite another matter. One oif the house problems is that
> there are far too many hiding places now.

Well, maybe you can find homes if you take them. I hope someone has other
good ideas. I hope this lady is getting help too!

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