I keep feeling there's a cat on the shoulder of the chair I'm sitting on
here at the computer, the feeling so strong I look more than once but no
cat.  The feeling doesn't leave.  Then I remember Max;  it is *his*
spot, to sit on a chair arm or back while I read or type - Max is here
with me, all is right.  I keep on typing, warm and comfortable,
remembering Dylans line, "Siamese cat on his shoulder".  And, I wonder.
 When was it?  I get my exercise logs and ... afternoon June 2nd, 2000.
 I took Max to the vet here in PA and the diagnosis was a large and
fast-growing tumor.  Max was too old and frail for an iffy operation.
Max and I communed for another week til it was obvious it was time for
the ultimate kindness.

An aside here.  It was March 2000 the Tampa vet saw Max, his appetite
was poor and he was listless.  There was no obvious cause and I don't
remember we did for him but an amazing coincidence hapened.  In March
1983 Max was given up to be put down but that vet, so long ago, went
ahead with the urinary tract operation that his owners declined and
then looked for an adopter - me of course.  17 years later, maybe even
the anniversary date, he now lived to Minnesota but was visiting his
former partner and she said, "Wait a minute, I have a surprise" and,
lo, Max and I were reunited with his benefactor from so long ago.

I feel a chill as I look at the log entry, I feel as though Max is
telling me that he understands, that guilt for not realizing quicker,
for making that dreaded decision, isn't right.  Max is here and happy.
I cry and remember that yesterday on my bike ride I'd seen a white
lily by the roadside;  it was plastic as it happens but it's still in
the bike bag in the garage.  I retrieve it and put it on Maxs cairn
and thank him -  for all those wonderful years and more.

--
Can't wait to tell you all,
what it's like up there  (Eagles, The Last Resort)