Trolls are a sad and pathetic fact of life on Usenet. There are several ways
to deal with them: Ignore them (usually the best bet)
    Shred their arguments (sometimes works, but remember you are dealing
with someone clueless)
    Ridicule them (good for entertainment value and to let newbies know who
has a clue)
    Flame them with lots of angry and profane words (i.e. play directly
into their hands)
    Pity them (usually next best thing to try)
    Plonk them (very effective from an individual point of view)
    Report them to their ISP (almost always a useless exercise)
    Cancel their posts (you won't have to read their drivel anymore because
YOU won't have an account)

To troll for fish you put bait on a hook and drag it through the water to
attract a fish.

To troll a newsgroup you post something inflammatory so that people will
respond with angry and indignant replies and long, drawn-out arguments. The
hotter the flame and the longer the threat, the more satisfying from the
troll's point of view. A troll is a cry for attention, a pathetic attempt to
be noticed. Even
though all the attention is negative, it is attention nonetheless. Pretty
twisted, huh? The longer the troll can fan the flames, the more successful
the troll. Deny the troll continued satisfaction to make it go away. It may
cloak its urges as some holy or misguided crusade, but once its arguments
are invalidated
and it STILL hangs around, it's a troll. Pure and simple.

Usually the best basic advice is to ignore the troll. It will probably go
away if denied attention. This is the best way, but it is sometimes not very
effective from your point of view if no one else follows this advice.
Allowing the troll to spew unanswered may also give a clueless newbie the
impression that the troll won the argument, and if the troll is on a
crusade, this could be a Bad Thing.

It is sometimes useful to just refute all the troll's arguments completely.
The troll will often slink away or post a quick and ineffective retort and
vanish. This approach also leaves no uncertainty as to which point of view
is valid. When the troll is profoundly dense, the fact that his (or her)
arguments have been
rendered completely invalid seems to matter to it not at all. The troll just
keeps coming back with the same vapid arguments, never realizing it has
lost. It's like trying to nail jelly to a tree. Or like cutting the head off
a cockroach. It doesn't even realize it's dead. Luckily you will quickly
recognize when you have reached this point. The troll never will. The
downside is that the troll wants attention, and you are fulfilling its needs
if you continue arguing at length despite the troll's refusal to take a free
clue.

Ridicule can work on a troll with a short fuse. It you make this type of
troll mad enough, it will scream back at you and storm out of the group, a
very happy outcome indeed. You can also provide yourself and other clueful
folks a few moments of entertainment as you turn the troll everyway but
loose. Be sure
to remain aloof; it upsets the troll even more, which makes the troll's
attempted snappy or angry come-backs even easier to slap down. The downside
to this approach, again, is that the troll wants attention, even
(especially?) negative attention, so you may just feed it. Try to recognize
this quickly and change your approach.

Angrily flaming a troll is seldom effective. This is exactly the type of
response a troll is looking for, so you are providing the attention it
seeks. Now if you feel a major need to vent, and no one else beat you to it,
you can let off a little steam. Do this only in the very early stages of a
troll, then quickly more on to ignoring it. Don't keep feeding it.

When people have reached the stage where they constantly seek negative
attention through persistent trolling, they are pretty far gone. They need
to be reminded how pathetic and pathological their behavior is. The more
convincing you are that you truly pity them their sick state of being, the
greater the chance
you can just shame them out of the group. As pitiable as trolls are, they
just hate to have the entire group feel sorry for them. If everyone is going
"tsk, tsk" to the poor pathetic little troll, it will not get the strong
emotional charge it is seeking. If the troll is truly persistent, the very
maximum number of people in the
group need to adopt this attitude and not argue with it. It will continue to
try to provoke, but if denied any response except pity, it will eventually
go away.

Plonking is very effective if the noise level in the group is already pretty
high. The truly sick and persistent troll will nym-shift to avoid your
kill-filter. Worse yet, it may forge the nym of a respected regular to avoid
your KF. Why? It is beyond human ken. Pour on the pity and plonk away
(carefully). Don't plonk yourself if the troll forges your nym. This could
make things really confusing for you.
You could report the troll to its ISP. This is rarely effective unless the
troll is otherwise abusive (spammer, flooder, third party forge canceller,
etc.). Being obnoxious and argumentative is rarely against any AUP, even
though the provider might prohibit activities that ruin another user's
ability to enjoy the Internet experience. Even trolls have to pay monthly
fees. ISPs do not deny themselves these fees unless their subscriber is
truly abusive and destructive. Trolls are basically irritating, and only as
destructive as you allow them to be. Still, a complaint to the ISP may get
the troll a warning message, and since most trolls are basically cowards
(excepting the profoundly clueless, who are to stupid to know fear), you may
scare your pet troll away. Unlikely, but worth a try.

You could download some software that allows you to forge-cancel the troll's
posts. This could be very effective in removing the troll from your sight
since you would be left with no ability to see anything on the Internet, the
troll or anything else. IOW, don't fight abuse with abuse. Don't spam the
troll into submission either. Remember who the annoying one is.

Remember, the persistent troll is misguided, perverted, sick, or all the
above. It seeks attention. Starve it. Once it becomes clear that the troll
is not going away, respond only often enough to ensure that unenlightened
passers-by don't misperceive that the troll has any valid points. Silence,
firm and brief denial of its arguments, and lots of pity will eventually
cause it to die of shame and boredom.

A troll passes through several stages in its life cycle:

Stage I: Posts inflammatory material to elicit outraged responses.
Feeds on the attention.

Stage II: Persistent. Not bright enough go away, even when
plonked. Thrives on the attention.

Stage III: Achieves a truly pathetic state. Trolling becomes an
addiction. Troll constantly nymshifts to avoid killfilters, even
though it is always recognized instantly by all regulars. Trolls
with religious fervor and acquires a martyr complex. Totally
addicted to the negative attention.

Stage IV: Few trolls achieve this status. Beyond pathetic.
Troll now achieves precisely the opposite of intended goal
through its postings. Any readers, even new or casual readers,
are able to recognize the troll's arguments as so obviously
devoid of all common sense that they are immediately inclined
towards that which the troll protests. At Stage IV the troll is
almost worth having around as a shining example of what one
should avoid becoming on Usenet. Its arguments tend to push
readers towards the status quo rather than away, thus validating
the belief system the troll is rebelling against. They are still
no more entertaining or enlightening than before.

How the Trolls Stole Christmas

by Doctored So Sue-Us

Every leech on Usenet liked Christmas, of course
Except the trolls from Zbebaville whose tastes were more coarse.
The zbebaf hated guidelines! The FAQ has no reason!
We think we will screw up your whole Christmas season!
Please don't ask why, that's an order too tall,
But it may be their brains were two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, their brains or their hearts,
A request to slow down, and the whole darn thing starts.
"Screw your order, your guidelines, the stuff that all worked.
We'll do as we please," the zbebaf all smirked.
Who cares it makes sense, protects our retention,
Our posts make us heroes and gain us attention.

Then the dimmest of zbebaf just would not be stopped
Although he was warned his account could get popped.
And so it all went, then his modem stopped sending.
It seemed rather clear why his posting was ending.
He came back on dial-up, a quite bitter person.
The leeches knew not how the postings would worsen.

They rallied around, and the taunts began flying.
A few started yelling, a few started trying
To reason with zbebaf, a sad situation.
That leads to us to nowhere but thread saturation.
A battle begins between "haves" and "have nots",
And the ire turns to threats, and the threats turn to plots.

Then one started posting, and all heard him say,
"I'll post 200 megs for two months every day."
This touched off more anger, and slurs and retorts.
The provider's abuse desk deluged with reports.
Amid all this chaos a snake in the grass
Hatched a plot to cost someone a chunk of his a.s.

It wasn't about MP3s though, my dear
But nevertheless there was doubt and some fear.
And the zbebaf rejoiced at the pain that this caused
While the reasonable people then suddenly paused.
"WTF is this nonsense?" we hear them exclaim.
"We must stop these trolls! This is life, not a game!"

(song: Mr. Troll)

Did a zbeba get tagged in a similar fashion?
No one really knows, but it still stirs their passion.
Anon is his nym now and chaos his game.
His postings are drivel, his raving all lame.
The trolls puff their chests out, continue to spew.
The one way to stop it? We must all get a clue!

We must pay attention, we really must care.
The system is fragile and so we must dare
To not feed the trolls here. We all must resist.
Or we'll all get subpoenas to cease and desist.
The trolls just don't care if our newsgroups are lost.
It's all just a game, and they don't mind the cost.

But if we resist them and the traps that they lay
They'll all die of boredom, and they'll all go away.
We're smarter than zbebaf, and so they must lose,
But please just be careful the path that you choose.
You must take the high road; let them take the low.
We'll outlast them all, and our bounty will grow.

So Stop Helping Ignorant Trolls is our cry
You'll find it quite easy to do if you try.
Then they'll go back to Trollville and leave us alone
Till the next flooding zbeba attacks us from @Home.
And we'll hear him exclaim as he's TOSed out of sight,
"Screw your FAQ and your limits!" and to all a good night :-)

Mr. Troll

(parody of Mr. Grinch - with apologies to Dr. Youknowwho)

You're a moron, Mr. Troll.
You really piss us off.
You're annoying as a doctor,
Who says, "Turn your head and cough."
Mr. Troll.

You were dropped on your head as a baby
When your skull was too soft.

You're a luzer, Mr. Troll.
You poison every thread.
I don't know how you make it
With no brain within your head.
Mr. Troll.

The only thing I disagree with
Is everything you've ever said.

You're a zbeba, Mr. Troll.
You torment us and smile.
You've really got it coming
It'll only take a while.
Mr. Troll.

And now I need a second newsreader,
`Cause you've filled my kill file.

You're a zero, Mr. Troll.
Your screws are rather loose.
Your ISP is cringing
At the mail sent to Abuse.
Mr. Troll.

You've violated your AUP so many times
They're coming with a noose.

You're an wonder, Mr. Troll.
You're gonna get yours soon.
You're a flamer flaring brightly,
A pathetic raving loon,
Mr. Troll.

One of these days in real life
You'll pull a stunt like you do on Usenet,
And pow! Someone's gonna send you
Right to the moon!

We've all plonked you, Mr. Troll.
You bother us no more.
When you really get down to it
You are just a crashing bore.
Mr. Troll.

You're a shining example of someone
We all should ignore.