Joy

**Don't believe everything you think**

Today is a VERY SPECIAL DAY in my life.  Maybe one of the most important in
my now life !!!  On September 4th, 1994 Dr. Ira Gore, my oncologist at that
time was the doctor who, which much help from God, saved my life.  Now, Dr.
Gore wouldn't have agreed, at least not when I last knew him, because he
didn't know God.  It wasn't for lack of my testifying to him about my love
for my Heavenly Father !  Anyway, on that day in 1994 Dr. Gore was telling
me that he honestly could not promise me that I'd have until the week-end to
live.  Mind you that was on a Wednesday.  He said at the most I'd have three
days.  I felt the shock of the words, but they were words that I had
expected for several days.  I was a bit surprised at the calm inside of me
as he gave me this diagnosis.  He left me alone and said the (can't think of
the word, but it means clergyman in a hospital.  This happens so often to me
with even every day words.) would be with me shortly.  Then an hour or so
later he came back and said that he and his staff had been going over my
case and he wanted to propose to me an option of having chemo and radiation
which would be much more aggressive than they would normally give.  I only
remember clearly one thing he said - that it might give me as long as a
year.  I vaguely remember hearing that all the organs will be severely
damaged and would eventually shut down.  He said he'd give me some time.  I
used it to pray and when I talked to God about this, as I had no one else to
talk with about it, I felt again the calm come over me.  So I asked for Dr.
Gore, who by the way is the most wonderful, patient, funny and honest doctor
I've ever known, to come to my room.  I told him I'd decided and I wanted
the treatments he'd described.  He again told me of what I'd be in for IF
THE TREATMENTS DIDN'T KILL ME which was an honest option. (Again that's not
the word I want, but it won't come to me.)  I had the first chemo treatment
that very day as Dr. Gore told me that it was time critical.  He wasn't sure
that the chemo would be able to work fast enough to keep me from dying.  So
there you have it.  There were two 'straws' that if picked would bring death
due to the choice I'd made.  But as I told Dr. Gore, what's the difference
if I'm shot or hung ?  You're dead either way.  I remember him laughing hard
at that.  He seemed to laugh a lot when I had my appointments with him.  I
learned very early that laughter was of the utmost importance in my
situation !!!!  I won't go into all of the agony, sickness, going totally
bald (which BTW, was kinda fun.  Before the treatments I had blonde hair
than hung to my waist and was usually French braided) and all of the good
and bad that came with both the chemo and radiation.  I do remember Dr. Gore
and the nurses asking me if they might ask me a question one of the times I
came in for my chemo treatment.  By that time I was feeling 'pretty good'
compared to how I felt after the chemo.  That 'pretty good' stuff didn't
happen until just about time to do it again !!!  Anyway, they asked why
every other patient they'd ever had came in looking and some even acting
like they were going to beat them to death or something equally awful.  But
I came in acting like they were going to hand me a million dollars.  Why ?
I just told them that every treatment was that much closer to the time when
I was going to be starting on my journey with my new way of life.  I really
did look forward to the treatments, even the radiation treatments which I
disliked MUCH MORE than I did the chemo.  Maybe because my esophagus was
right in the middle of the area to be treated.  I ended up with a burned
throat for much of the time during the treatments and couldn't eat or drink.
Heck, I didn't feel like eating any way. (G)  It was the first and only time
in my life that I was told to eat anything and EVERYTHING that I wanted.
When I could... I DID just that.  I liked that part. (G)

OK, obviously there was a lot between then and this particular day, but I've
already taken up a good part of your morning or afternoon, whenever you're
reading this.  So, I'll try to wind it up.  But I just had to share this joy
with someone and who better than my very special online friends.  Some of
whom have been with me almost from the get go and all of which have
supported me so well in your own ways.  OK, now the tears start and I'll
have trouble seeing the screen.  Also, BTW, I'm using my screen name
BlueBird as I chose that the very first day I went online and it was in
reference to Camp Blue Bird the adult cancer camp that became such an
important part of my 'recovery'.  There have been a lot of good and also sad
and even very hard things that have happened between September 4th, 1994 and
today, September 4th, 2005 !!!!!!!!!!  I lost my precious first born son,
Rick, in May of 1997, my Dad exactly 4 weeks later in June, 1997, my very
best girl friend and soul mate, Margaret Moderson, also in June of 1997 one
week after I lost my Dad.  There have, as I said, also been a LOT of good
that has come during this journey of 'recovery' of a sorts. (G)  I can't
even begin to name them all so I won't start.  Just let it suffice to say
that I believe that I got much more good (or things that were 'given' to me)
during this journey with cancer, COPD, Alzheimer's and all the other little
things thrown in than I got that were 'bad' or that took away from me.  The
very best was the close personal relationship I've gotten along the way with
my Heavenly Father.  Without Him I know I'd not be here today.  Counting the
original time when I was told I was to die within days there have been 5
times when I was told to call in my best friends or whoever I wanted with me
as they didn't expect me to make it through whatever was being done to me at
that particular time.  But..... each time God brought me through.  Sure I
give the doctor and medications etc. credit, but they were part of the means
God used to bring me through each time.  Each time this happened my
relationship with God grew closer.  I've never had less as far as material
things, but I've never had more happiness, contentment and serenity than
I've had (not always, but for the most part).  I'm grateful for the life I
have today and everything that's part of it...

including you, who are reading this right now.  My online friends who have
stood by me in so very many ways.  I thank you for the part you've played in
this 11 year journey.  Some of you I've known for a good part of that 11
years.  I thank each and every one of you for your part in my journey and
for what you've done to make it what it is today.  Thank you from the bottom
of my heart.

Now I'll end as I'm so sore I'm about to fall asleep on the keyboard, even
though I did this in small increments.  But I'll be back with another report
and praise in another 10 years.  See you then (and of course probably later
today, too- ) !!!!!

Later.......

BlueBird

If I'd have known  I was going to get this old..................
I'd have taken better care of myself when I was young !