Dear Pets, yes all of you.

One of you, Shmogg, may be getting a bit stiff in the joints, but you make u
for this with street smarts and a world famous cunning. Another one of you,
IBKfergus, may not have the experience of Shmogg, but your incredible speed,
enthusiasm, and lets face it, incredible atheleticisim should have more than
qualified you for this position.

Alas, I now have seen the evidence with my own eyes that you pair are
nothing but lazy, good for nothing housecats who would prfer sniffing 'nip
all day than to actually do an honest day's cat work.

I realise that you both being well fed (despite your bi-daily protestations
that you are actually half starved waifs) isn't exactly a prime motivator
for you to get on with your duties, but for goodness sake, I'd expect that
between the two of you, you'd be able to sort out the problem.

And don't think you are completely blameless, Fluffy. Your ancestors were
clearly working dogs. Your prediliction for our socks and your ability to
shred them in seconds flat suggests that you could also particpate in this
work, even if the lazy good for nothing cats weren't up to it. I do realise
that your body shape and your mental faculties are not entirely suited for
this line of work but you could have at least made some attempt to alert the
hoomins to the situation, if not actually correct it. After all, it will be
your favourite, the *bare puppy* that will suffer first.

So, all three of you are on official notice. Clean your act up and get on
with the job at hand. It is only occaisnal work, but I do expect you to do
your duty when the need arises.

Sincerely,
Gooshy food manager

PS The evidence in question was the tail end of a rodent dissappearing into
the crack between the dishwasher and the cubpoards. You cats weren't more
than a foot away, but your backs were turned to it as you tried to hypnotise
the door to the kitty crunchie cupboard open. And whilst the mutt was a few
metres away, she was in direct line of site of said rodent, except for the
fact she was sound asleep on the lounge, a peice of furniture she knows darn
well she's not allowed on.

I don't understand how we could possibly have a rodent problem when there
are two perfectly functional cats and one mostly functional dog in the
house.

Yowie