TO:

Mr. Shmogleberry
President of the International B*s**rd Cat Society

FROM:  Barnabus Cook of Stone Mountain, GA

Dear Mr. Smogleberry,

I am submitting my official request to join the International B*s**rd
Cat Society.  I believe I have finally reached a level that will at
least allow me Junior Fellowship status.

My meowmy always goes into the littlest room by herself and has the
nerve to close the door on her feline slaves.  She claims that I would
jump onto counters and shelves and knock off breakable stuff. Isn't that
what a cat is supposed to do?!?

So meowmy goes into this room, the door of which opens out into our
bedroom (we allow her and Paw to sleep in our bed). I'm sitting on the
dress-her beside the door, making sure she doesn't need my help in there
and I'm looking around...first at the large arm-war on the other side of
the door and then at the sueet-case sitting between the arm-war and the
wall. Then the idea came to me. She thinks closing the door is keeping
me out of the little room but I'll turn it around and I'll keep her out
of our bedroom! Afterall, she might try to pick up the sisal mousies
lying all over the floor. I lept from the dress-her to the sueet-case
and knocked it over - right across the doorway so that it was sort of
wedged between the dress-her and the arm-war.  And then I sat upon it.

When Meomy finished doing whatever it was she was doing in there she
tried to open the door but it wouldn't open! She tried to figure out why
it wouldn't open but was unsuccessful.  Finally she tried to stick her
arm out the door to see what was blocking the door but her arm wouldn't
fit.  Eventually, after shoving and pushing at the door she was able to
get her fingers through the gap of the door, but she quickly pulled her
hand back and yelped.  I thought she was playing finger mousie, how was
I supposed to know she didn't want me to bite her fingers? When she
yelled I thought she was having fun so the next time she stuck her
fingers out I attacked them again.  We played this game of finger mice
for awhile.  Paw was in the family room asleep on the couch so he didn't
hear her calling him to come rescue her.  As if I would have so easily
given up my prisoner! Finally, after about 10 minutes she was able to
wiggle her fingers under the sueet-case and move it out far enough to
get her palm under it to move it out a little bit more so that she could
get her hand under it to lift it.  Of course, she didn't know that I was
sitting on top of it holding it down with my 11.5 lbs of muscle. She
reached around the edge of the door with her hand and tried to lift the
sueet-case but only managed to move it a little way that time.  Finally,
she was able to get the door opened enough to get her wrist under the
sueet-case enough to put some muscle behind lifting it and she escaped.
But for a little while I was in charge of the household and could say
who could and could not come into our room!

When she finally got out and saw me sitting on the sueet-case she
realized exactly what I had done. She ruffled my beautiful black fur and
muttered, "B*s**rd Cat" which made me realize I had an opportunity to
apply for membership in the International B*s**rd Cat Society.

Request respectfully submitted,
Barnabus