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Why is our cat affectionate to only one of us?

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TaliesinSoft - 24 Oct 2005 20:01 GMT
Two months ago my significant other adopted a roughly year old Maine Coon
female who had been rescued from an abusive environment. Until the last few
weeks Pebbles spent almost the entirety of her time curled up behind a sofa,
emerging only to eat and to visit the cat box. Now she has become quite
comfortable being near us, following us from room to room, and even sleeping
on the bed with us at night.

Why am writing is that Pebbles, for reasons unbeknownst, acts exceedingly
affectionate towards me but is generally indifferent, albeit tolerant,
towards my other. I am hoping that some suggestions will be offered as to how
we can get Pebbles to be equally affectionate to each of us.

We are both long time animal lovers. I have had numerous cats through the
years and so has she.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

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James L. Ryan -- TaliesinSoft

5cats - 24 Oct 2005 20:16 GMT
> Two months ago my significant other adopted a roughly year old Maine
> Coon female who had been rescued from an abusive environment. Until
[quoted text clipped - 13 lines]
>
> Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Have you heard the expression "The way to a man's heart is
through his stomach"? Well, it works for cats too. Take turns feeding
her.  And don't just leave a bowl of food out all the time, pick up the
leftovers between meals.

Another thought, possbily your SO wears a perfume or lotion that Pebbles
doesn't care for?
TaliesinSoft - 25 Oct 2005 00:10 GMT
[responding to my query as to why our cat favors one of us over the other]

> Have you heard the expression "The way to a man's heart is through his
> stomach"? Well, it works for cats too. Take turns feeding her.  And don't
[quoted text clipped - 3 lines]
> Another thought, possbily your SO wears a perfume or lotion that Pebbles
> doesn't care for?

Thanks for the rapid reply.

Nancy, my SO, is the one who feeds Pebbles. Pebbles currently has food
constantly available. Are you suggesting that we don't free feed? Whether
Nancy's perfumes or lotions offend Pebbles is an interesting question.

Signature

James L. Ryan -- TaliesinSoft

5cats - 25 Oct 2005 01:10 GMT
> [responding to my query as to why our cat favors one of us over the
> other]
[quoted text clipped - 11 lines]
> Nancy, my SO, is the one who feeds Pebbles. Pebbles currently has food
> constantly available. Are you suggesting that we don't free feed?

Yes, if the food bowl is always full the cat tends to take it for
granted.  When the cat gets a little hungry between meals and then sees
her person fill the bowl the connection of person = food provider =
trusted person becomes stronger.
Patrick I. McCurry - 17 Feb 2006 12:06 GMT
>> [responding to my query as to why our cat favors one of us over the
>> other]
[quoted text clipped - 16 lines]
> her person fill the bowl the connection of person = food provider =
> trusted person becomes stronger.

I have a male cat with a little bit of maine coon that came from a
bad home.
He is severely skittish and is absolutely my shadow, and took a
couple of months just to warm up to my gf/roomate.
For a while I think that it was an issue of accepting people on an
individual basis.  For the longest time he didn't like anyone or
anything but me to in sight.

I have also noticed that those with body language significantly
different than mine freaked him out.  The closer to me in appearance
and action, the more comfortable he is being near them.

It just takes time in a stable and peaceful environment for cats, or
anyone for that matter, to build back trust.
TaliesinSoft - 20 Feb 2006 01:54 GMT
[in response to a query I made here several months ago in which I expressed
concern that our cat was affectionate to me but not to my significant other]

> It just takes time in a stable and peaceful environment for cats, or
> anyone for that matter, to build back trust.

The response above is apparently right on. Pebbles now loves Nancy and
snuggles happpily with either of us and now between the two of us when we are
in bed. Pebble's purring has progressed from an almost inaudible hum to an
almost obnoxious (but we love it) grinding of gears. Pebbles has bloomed into
one happy cat and, we swear, one that almost always has a huge smile on her
face!

Signature

James L. Ryan -- TaliesinSoft

LMR - 17 Feb 2006 18:15 GMT
>Two months ago my significant other adopted a roughly year old Maine Coon
>female who had been rescued from an abusive environment. Until the last few
>weeks Pebbles spent almost the entirety of her time curled up behind a sofa,
>emerging only to eat and to visit the cat box. Now she has become quite

In the abusive environment, she may have either been abused by a male or
female; let's just say it was a  female, even though it may not have been -
she will be afraid of women now more than men until she can be shown (over
time) that women will not hurt her.  

LMR

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