Dear Guinea Pig -I'd like to reply to issue #2 first. Your older male is
re-claiming his territory from the newer upstart by spraying. The sooner you
get the young male fixed the more likely he'll stop. But if the older male
continues very long, he'll continue even after the younger male is fixed.
You may always have a battle between these two who seem to want to assert
dominance in your household. But you may get lucky and the younger boy will
quit, and the older gent will no longer feel threatened. All cats should be
spayed or neutered by about 4 months of age if possible, before they ever
reach any kind of sexual maturity. It isn't harmful, in fact it's beneficial
by lowering their chances of getting breast or testicular cancer. Talk to
your vet, they may have some good ideas to help you with this problem. When
you do clean up where they spray, use something with an unpleasant smell
like lemon or ammonia, they won't be as quick to come back an use the same
spot.
Issue #1 - I don't know how old the cat was when you got it, but you said it
was a feral cat. It's not going to just become an indoor cat by coming
indoors. And all cats don't want to be handled. Some find it extremely
stressful. It sounds like this cat can take it for a minute or two but then
becomes completely stressed out. Try taking it at the cat's speed. It may
take months and even years for a cat to warm up, and it may never become a
lap cat. It may have had a really bad experience with a human. You just
never know what's in a cat's history. We have a cat who was feral. I found
her when she was about 6 months old. She was not at all friendly, but she
was desperate, so she allowed me to grab her (she was eating bread crumbs
with ducks by the river) and get her to the vet. That was bout 5 years ago.
She didn't want to be petted, let alone picked up. Never wanted to be in
your lap. She gradually warmed up till we could pet her, then she demanded
we pet her. She still doesn't like to be picked up, but will tolerate it if
we have to. She now sleeps with us in bed, touches her nose on our noses and
demands petting till she's satisfied. But most surprising, she's become our
"guest-greeting" cat. She greets everyone who comes over. Even goes so far
as getting in their laps for awhile. Demands attention, the whole bit. This
took a long time to evolve, but it is really worth it. We have 11 other cats
who can take up the lap-sitting slack if we need it, and you probably have
others who will as well. So just give it time, space, patience, and a whole
lot of love, and you may be amazed. Good luck, I hope this was helpful.

Bec

Some cats are just not 'lap cats'. I have 6 cats, 5 male 1 female. One of
the males and the female don't care to be held at all. Tabitha likes to jump
on my lap when I'm sitting, or lay on top of me when I'm laying down, but
will not tolerate being picked up and held. Spot won't jump on laps, and
does not like to be held. However, he does like human contact. He loves to
be brushed and will allow a few minutes of scratching/petting. And, will
follow us from room to room. This is something we have come to live with and
to accept. Your cat may settle down a bit with age, and once he knows you
can be fully trusted.

Getting the young one neutered as soon as possible will certainly help. One
thing you don't mention is, litter boxes. How many do you have? Are they
kept clean? Where are they? Most people will tell you that the rule of thumb
is, one box per cat + one. Most cats are very finicky about their boxes. If
they aren't kept clean enough they will find alternatives. Also, you want
the boxes in quite, out of the way areas. But easily accessible to the cat.
One other reason for the spraying could be a UTI. Have you had the older cat
vet checked to rule this out? I wouldn't wait much longer to have the
neutering done and tests on the older cat. Once this becomes habit, it will
be difficult to break.

Best of luck........

Nina